"There's something undeniably sacred about holding someone who's been wounded before. Because they'll do their best to not bleed on you, and a part of you knows they don't even need to be held. In fact, it's almost as if you need it more than they do."
- Connotativewords

**

What now?" I ask Luke. We're sat in his rental car that is parked in front of my parent's house.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" Luke asks silently, his hands squeezing mine.

I told Luke about Heath. Wow. I actually did it. He hasn't said much since we left the cemetery.

I take a deep breath and rub my eyes. What now?

"I have to go back tonight, the tour starts back up tomorrow." Luke lets me know. 

Right. The tour.

"I'm sorry you had to fly all this way while on tour." I turn my head to look at him. It's pitch black outside except for one street lamp illuminating the car enough for me to see him.

"I did it because I wanted to. And right now? I have zero regrets." We both laugh at his remark. I have a fluttering in my stomach, a kind I haven't felt in a very long time.

"I was going to go back to New York tomorrow," I tell him. He nods his head slowly but doesn't ask any further questions but a slow grin spreads across his face. "I met your mother."

I groan and shake my head. "She's—I don't even know."

"She's hot." Luke laughs louder when he sees my horrified expression.

"Shut up!" I scoff and he leans across the console, his lips brushing against mine ever so lightly. He pulls back quickly and stares at me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"No. It's okay. It's okay." I reach out and run my fingers through his hair. His eyes fall closed and he leans into my hand.

"Come back with me. You belong with us." Luke hums.

"Everyone must be so tired of my back and forth. Hell, even I'm tired of it."

"They all want you back," he reassures me, squeezing my hand in between his again. He did that a lot like he wanted to make sure I was really there.

"Do you?" I whisper, watching the street lamps flicker. A part of me wants to go back but is that the right thing to do? Just because Luke is acting differently towards me?

"Would I be here if I didn't?" I hear the relief in his voice and my heart lifts out of my chest.

"Okay." I nod, not letting myself overthink this. I should probably think it through like an actual human being. It's the rational thing to do. But Luke is looking at me, tracing my face with his beautiful eyes and all rational thought goes out the window.

"I'll come back with you."

New beginnings right? Even if they go downhill.

---

"Be safe alright? I don't want you to do this but you're an adult now and if this is what you want, it's what we want for you too." Dad whispers in my ear as we hug. We pull away and he kisses me on the forehead.

"Let's go." He moves towards the door of his study and when we walk past the kitchen my mother calls out to me.

Dad stops and turns around too. "I want to talk to Sierra," Mother says. "Alone." She looks pointedly at Dad and he chuckles, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Don't scare Luke away," I tell his receding back and he bellows with laughter

"Your brother is taking care of it." I hear him say.

"Sierra," Mother starts.

"Mom?" I give her a questioning look. Our flight was in two hours and we were probably running late.

"I baked you and your—a—and Luke some cookies." Mom hands me a large tin.

"Thank you, Mom," I smile at her.

"You're welcome." She stares at me. We stand there in awkward silence for a second and suddenly she is wrapping me up in her arms.

"I'm sorry," she says monotonously.

"I'm sorry that I stress you out so much. I'm sorry for the things I said. I know it's not your fault." She pulls away and tucks my hair behind my ears.

"It's okay Mom, really." She never apologised to me for anything she says so this was new and I wasn't sure how to approach this further.

"No, um," she blinks rapidly and sighs. My mother was never speechless in her life, was the earth rotating the other way?

"He's—Luke is a good man. But stand on your own honey. You're strong enough. I know you think you aren't, but you are. I'm so proud of you Sierra." Mom whispers, tears pooling in her eyes.

If she wasn't holding onto me I would have collapsed onto the ground at her words. I have waited so long, so long to hear these exact words come out of her lips.

"I—thank you, momma." I pull her close and wrap my arms around her.

"You haven't called me that since you were six." She laughs into my hair. I want to hug my mother forever in this moment, to make up for all the times I have stormed away from her.

"Come back in one piece okay? Promise me you will come back happy."

I take a deep breath and wipe at my cheeks. "I promise."

"Okay. Now get out." She laughs and follows me to the living room.

My father and Luke are talking in hushed tones by the front door and Danny is playing with the handle of my suitcase. I look closely at Luke to try and understand what my father was saying to him but he looks happy and not scared. What a relief.

They all turn to look at me as I walk in." Mom baked you cookies." I lift the tin to show Luke and his eyes light up like a ten-year-olds.

"Thank you, Mrs McKinnon." He walks towards her and hugs her. My mother looks horrified at his gesture but then softens, patting him on the back lightly.

"You're welcome."

"You guys should get going if you don't want to miss the flight." Dad nods at us, his arms folded against his chest.

"Yeah, we should." I look at Luke and he grabs my suitcase from me, ignoring my protests.

"Do you have bricks in here?" He jokes, making my family laugh.

"I'll see you soon okay Danny? Be good." I hug my little brother and he sniffles into my hair. I follow Luke down the steps and help him put my bags in the back of the car.

We get in and when he pulls out of the driveway I roll down the window and wave at my family till they are out of sight. "You're sure that this is what you want, right?" Luke asks me after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm sure."

---

Luke's Point of View

Airplanes have never felt this comfortable. I have been on so many airplanes over the past few years that it doesn't worry me anymore but I have never been this comfortable. Sierra is fast asleep next to me, her head on my shoulder. She passed out ten minutes after take off from our layover and she looks so peaceful in her sleep I don't dare move.

"Sir do you need anything?" The flight attendant asks me seeing that I'm awake. Everyone around us is asleep for the long haul flight.

"No thank you," I smile at her and she moves on. I usually snap at flight attendants. Sierra being next to me infuses calm into my veins more than anything else in the world ever has.

It must have taken her so much to tell me all that she did about her ex but I'm glad she did. The way she held onto me while she spilt her heart out made me feel brave like I was surrounded by an army that could help me take on anything, enough strength for the both of us.

Kissing her on the forehead I reach into the pocket of my jacket that is draped around her shoulders. I had tucked the letter she gave me in there. Sierra said it was for me and I have no idea why.

Reaching into my jean pockets slowly so I don't move too much and wake her, I pull out a key and run it underneath the lip of the envelope.

The handwriting is messy like he had written it in haste. Rubbing a hand over my tired eyes I begin to read.

"To the one who loves her next,

When I first laid eyes on her, I knew, I knew I wasn't put on this earth to be her soul mate. But I loved her just like one, and she did too. I felt it, I felt myself drifting away from her every day and I assure you, death is much more peaceful than not having her warmth fill every single cell of your body.

I hope you're reading this. Because you are that soulmate. Here are the things that you should always do, because I couldn't keep doing them for her, because she wasn't meant for me.

Buy her chocolate covered jelly beans and add sugar with milk in her coffee because that's what she loves and she will remember the smallest things you do for her.

She is terrified of bugs and reptiles so please don't ever tell her it's just an animal because it scares her and she expects you to reassure her, kill it if you have to I don't give a fuck.

When she's having an anxiety attack because of her PTSD, and she has a lot of those, rub her back, kiss her on the forehead and tell her she's safe. Remind her that she has medication. Sometimes she wants you to leave her the fuck alone, do it. 

Sierra likes to dance during the most ungodly hours of the night, she will wake you up at three in the morning and make you waltz her around the room, don't complain. Do it because the way she kisses you later will be like molten lava in your veins.

She'll get very jealous. Those green eyes will turn a light shade of brown in the middle. She hates that about herself, and she doesn't mean to do it. Reassure her that you love her.

She loves bands and concerts. Don't ever tell her that she loves them more than she loves you. Because that is not true, she loves you more than anyone has ever loved you.

She is the most independent woman I know. But she's so insecure, it breaks my heart. She won't understand it when you tell her that she is the most beautiful creature. Show it to her. Every day for the rest of your life.

She loves roses, but not just any roses. Purple roses. They are hard to come by but I don't care if you have to paint them damn purple, don't give her any other colour. She will love anything you give her and never complain because that's who she is but there is a certain brightness in her smile that you only get when you give her specific things, things that define who she is.

She loves sunsets. Watch as many as you can with her and tell her stupid stories of your childhood. She will never judge you and she will remember every single one."

I have to stop reading because my hands are shaking and I can't hold the letter still. Wiping at my eyes I take a deep breath and continue.

"Sierra likes being loved spontaneously, wrap your arms around her after a long day and tell her she is everything.

She is so stubborn. So very stubborn and she swears that she gets it from her mother but she will tear down her pride and give you all her vulnerability because that is what she does for the people she loves.

Don't try to fix her, she is not broken. She might think she is but she isn't. No one can break her.

Also, know that losing her is a pain you will never shake. Your world will come crashing down on you and those pieces won't ever fit the way they used to. Don't let her go.

She will love you with all she's got. Please give her the same. If I could ask one thing of you, it would be to never hurt her. She is golden. Don't let that shine die out, it falters at times because of her self-doubt but I know her, she can put the goddamn sun to shame.

Give her your all and she'll return the favour. You will never have to ask the universe for anything ever again.

She is MY universe and I want you to protect and cherish her. I trust that if you've read this, you're worthy of her, more than I ever was.

- H. L."

In all my twenty years I haven't felt this way, a deep ache in my heart for someone else. God, he really did love her. I feel like the breath has knocked out of me. Sierra stirs next to me and I fold the letter up, stuffing it in my pocket.

She lifts her head off my shoulder and looks at me sleepily. "What's wrong?" She asks and I pull her closer to me, kissing her with all the love I have inside me. She kisses me back, a slow moan escapes her lips and I eat it up.

I have waited so long to kiss her like this. To kiss her when I'm not filled with anger. It's the most magical and consuming feeling in the world.

She is going to shatter my world and I'm going to let her.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep baby."