CHAPTER TWENTY NINE - I THINK I CAN LOVE YOU

tw:
assault, torture, mentions of sa, Injury, surgery, ptsd

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"Alex we really need to talk" Glenn sighed as he sat up from the makeshift bed that was laid out in the guard tower, Alex's eyebrows furrowed together as she copied his actions sitting up with him as she caught the seriousness in his tone.

"okay.. about what?" Alex was comfortable with whatever was going on between them, with no pressure, no one really knowing the details. She was scared, Scared of what it would bring to Allow her true feelings to show, Afraid of showing her past.

"us. Alex I'm trying to understand.. " Glenn sighed taking her hand in his, Lifting her hand to his lips he placed a kiss on the back of her hand before he continued;

"I'm not stupid, I can't imagine what you've gone through.. but I want more... Alex I love you" Her heart dropped at his words, and heat exploded through her body.

"Alex... I love you." He repeated, his chest constricted as he let out his feelings. Waves of emotion washed over him, Anxiety... relief. She stared at him in disbelief, those words... those words, they weren't just something you say, they were a big deal. at least to her.

"I want you to talk to me. I want to know all of it, everything. every bad and good thing that's ever happened to you. I want to be there and help you.."Alex listened in disbelief, Taken back by his words. Everything in her body screamed at her to give in. if we deny love that is given to us if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss. then our lives will be empty; our greater loss.

Alex stayed silent as his words seeped into her mind, Almost every moment the two had shared flashed before her eyes, inhaling Alex took a moment to breathe. Glenn's hand gently squeezed hers in an attempt to reassure her.

"I keep thinking back to when I first saw you rushing toward Rick. I remember how scared I was when Merle took us... I remember how I felt when you were shot. and I don't want to feel that again. I love you and I should've said it before but I'm saying it now" his words dripped from his mouth like honey.. only a fool would deny such sweetness. his nerves making his voice waver. one of the worst feelings had to be looking at someone like they're your everything. and not knowing if they truly felt the same. His biggest fear was her not loving him the way he loved her.

What Hershel had said, Maggie... What Lori had said rushed through her head. the phrase Don't be afraid of living plagued her brain as she stared into Glenn's loving brown eyes, Anxiously biting his lip waiting for a response.

"I don't expect you to say it back... I just wanted you to know how I feel." He gulped, regret rushing through him, dread filling his stomach. The only thing now standing between them, reality.

"you really want to know everything?" she questioned, her voice softer than normal as she bit back tears. She couldn't understand, why would he love her. what had she done to deserve such a beautiful kind man?

"yeah I do" he squeezed her hand in a comforting manner...

forgetting is difficult. remembering is worse.

>*Flash backs*<

"Alex honey you're gonna stay with me and your uncle Rick for a while... Your mommy's not very well" Lori explain in the best way she could to her 5-year-old niece that her mother has cancer.

"When can I see her!" 5-year-old Alex gushed wanting to know when she could see her mom unsure of what was truly happening.

"I don't know Alex we've called your daddy he's gonna come and look after you in a few days" Alex nodded looking up at her aunt with a smile, after not having seen her dad in such a long time she felt a familiar sense of hope. too young to understand the grief that was to come, too young to understand the extent of a cancerous virus. something that doesn't just affect the person who's sick, it comes in waves.. slowly affecting everyone in the vicinity.

*11 years later*

"Alex I can't keep doing this for you. you've got to get it together kid. smoking weed on private property" Rick huffed in disbelief at his 16-year-old niece's behaviour as he'd just managed to talk her out of getting charges pressed against her for the third time.

She felt lost, she could barely remember a time she didn't feel alone, she didn't feel like she was drowning. yet she said she was fine, she acted like she was fine. despite the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible was about to happen.

"sorry" the teen shrugged, not an ounce of remorse in her voice as she looked out the window of Rick's police car, she was drowning yet she refused to learn how to swim... Her uncle glanced over at her from the driver's side as he sighed, she'd changed. he could see it in her eyes. and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"This is about your dad isn't it?" Rick sighed tightening his grip on the steering wheel, He knew her father was a piece of work. despite his job, there wasn't all that much he could do since he wasn't her legal guardian, he'd tried.

"I hate him Rick. He treats me like shit. I do everything in that house, I cook, clean, do the laundry, sort out his fucking bills. he treats me like a slave. and if I do one thing wrong. if I haven't finished cooking by the time he gets in he'll lose it so quickly" Alex sighed knowing what she was going home too.

"If you can talk to him.. get him to agree to let you stay with us. you can, your birthdays in a few weeks. if you still want to join the army, you can" The thing Alex and Rick had bonded over, was their mutual understanding.. they both wanted to help people.

**

*4 years later*

"ELI!!!" Alex screamed as a bag was thrown over her head her military uniform clung to her skin due to the sweat from the Afghan sun. She struggled against someone's grip as hands forcefully dragged her. Three men threw the woman into a truck. The sand under her feet shot into the air as she fought against the men's grip yet to no avail their strength easily overpowering her in seconds.

"ALEX" Eli shouted as he chased after the three men who had her in their grasp. He watched the scene unravel unable to move fast enough, his heart racing as they threw her into the back of a van. Raising his gun he aimed toward one of the men. Pulling the trigger but it was too late.

"fuck! shit!" Eli exclaimed reaching for the radio strapped to his uniform his heart racing, he couldn't lose her.

"O'conner's been taken! they have Alex."

**

Alex gasped. her heart racing. Water intruded her lungs, as she gasped for oxygen. Her chest was on fire, Agony rushed through her body. Hours of waterboarding, being beaten. All for information on her troops. She yelped as a boot again connected with her spine as she laid helpless on the floor, goosebumps covering her skin. Her vision blurred as each hit felt more painful than the last.

"I ain't saying shit." She spluttered her lungs heaving. each breath making her chest burn despite the ice-cold water covering her body. The man in front of her was one she'd never forget. that face plagued her dreams for many years to come

"do what you got to do." The man shouted to his men from the background. that's when she felt hands on her. a feeling that she would never be able to shake as she tugged at the restraints.

Alex shrieked as a boot came into contact with her spine, her whole body pulsating sharp pain consuming her as a sob left her lips. Bruises covered her body. blood. She'd never felt pain like it. It was paralysing. She sobbed on the floor, Her body violently shaking. The pain was too strong, She couldn't handle it. her screams, Her groans, her sobs slowly quietened as she fell unconscious.

"I got you... I got you... I'm here it's okay, you're gonna be okay." Alex's eyes fluttered open to be met with ones she thought she'd never see again. Eli. Pain shot through her body. panic filled her. Eli's hand ran through her hair as a loud noise filled her ears.

"it's okay.. you're safe now. we're taking you to get help... it's just me Lex.." Eli's voice was soft, the helicopter they were in flooding their surroundings with noise as Eli watched his colleague beside him working on Alex's body.

**

"you have three spinal fractures. it's gonna be a long road ahead of you, but we have faith"

**

the tortured always remain tortured.