CHAPTER SIXTEEN || THE PAIN NEVER STOPS

tw:
getting shot
ptsd

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some memories never leave your bones, like salt in the sea they become a part of you. the scariest moments of Alex's life tormented her, over and over again. She fought and fought but things never got easier. the darkness that consumed the world also consumed her. and she couldn't escape it. Alex pulled herself from Glenn's arms, shakily she stood up composing herself and running a hand through her hair. Glenn didn't move, his eyes laced with concern as he looked up at her.

"hey sit down take a minute" his voice was soft, worry consumed him. confusion over what he'd witnessed left him with questions he wouldn't dare ask. Alex shook her head in disbelief. he can't have seen that. panic again consumed her. She now had to deal with the consequences of showing her weaknesses again. She didn't want him to think she was weak. She wasn't weak, she couldn't be.

"you don't dare mention a word of this to anyone" her voice wavered as she pinched the bridge of her nose taking a   deep breath, anxiety rushing through her body as the adrenaline wore down. Glenn shook his head standing up, He took a few steps towards her a look of pure concern in  his eyes as he wondered what was tormenting her.

"I won't. I just- I just want you to be okay. what happened... it's killing you isn't it?" he questioned referring back to the governor, his heart racing as he asked the question that could triple the guilt he already felt. it was killing him, eating away at his heart, his innocence. 

"It wasn't that. just don't say shit about this to anyone." the look in his eyes one Alex didn't recognise as he stared down at her as a mutual sadness clung to the air around them. before he slowly pulled her into another hug, after how desperately she'd been avoiding him in recent days, no matter how badly she wanted him to leave. a part of her didn't. a part of her wanted him. But maybe that was just as a distraction, and she couldn't have that. Alex pulled herself away from him, looking up into his eyes she stepped away putting distance between them. unrecognisable feelings entering her body as her heart raced.

"What did you come in here for?" she asked trying to distract from what he had just witnessed, what she had so desperately been trying to push away.

"We need to find out how the walkers are getting into the tombs" His voice was almost unsure of himself as Alex backed away from him sitting back down on her bed. She stayed silent, shrugging unsure as to why he came to her about it. she wasn't needed.

Glenn stayed silent for a moment gathering his thoughts looking down at Alex, the bruising the governor had inflicted on him still littering his face. unsure of his own emotions Glenn's jaw tightened. questions burning the tip of his tongue he couldn't help himself. he had to know. 

"are we going to talk about this?" he nor Alex fully knew what he was referring to, what had happened between the governor. or them? Alex sighed her hands finding their way into her hair as Glenn continued. She didn't want to have this conversation, she never wanted to have a conversation like this again. 

"We need to talk about it, all of it. Alex, you need to talk about it" Alex looked up at him a small scoff left her lips echoing in the small cell, she didn't need to talk about shit. she was done. 

"I need to talk about it or you do?" Alex challenged, the look in Glenn's eyes changing. Alex knew this was affecting him more than anything had before, the look in his eye had changed. changed from when they first met. She knew what that meant, it had happened to her. it was one of the worst things that could happen to a person. 

"What does that mean? Alex, what did I just walk in on?" He huffed, taking a step toward the bed he wanted answers, and yeah he wanted to talk about all of it. Alex bit her tongue, but the words left her mouth before she could stop them.

"What do you want me to say? Huh?... He made me strip, Made me stand in front of him? Slammed my head down and bent me over a table?... Came up behind me, pushed himself against me, put his hands all over me?" Alex swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched Glenn's eyes shift down to the floor. Each sentence made bile rise in his throat as he subconsciously reminded himself he was in the room next to her while it was happening. he was so close, yet was powerless against what was happening. recalling the events sent a shiver down her spine, the ghost of the governor's hands on her body still there as she crossed her arms over her torso.

"Did he?-" Alex cut him off before he could get another word out, his aching heart pumping as he asked the question for the second time. but Alex's anger grew. no, he didn't but he might as well have.  

"rape me? no... no." Alex shook her head glaring up at him she took a breath to control her own emotions as she continued. 

"you feel better?" she spat, as  She desperately tried to control the emotion's she was feeling yet despite everything they would show through. the composure she had wearing quickly from the flashbacks, maybe it was something she just had to get used to.

"I'm not trying to-" defeat clear in Glenn's voice, He just wanted her to be okay. he had since the day he'd met her. As soon as he saw her, he could see the pain she hid behind her eyes. The generosity and kindness she hid, almost ashamed of it. yet it seemed to show through to Glenn.

He remembered Alex giving her pregnant aunt all of her food, the light that returned to her eyes whenever she was around Carl. He wanted her safe, he never wanted her to be in a situation like this. but she was, and it was on him. 

"I had a choice, Glenn. either I took off my shirt or he took your hand. I'd just listened to Merle beat the shit out of you in the other room. I made my decision." Alex stood up her hands smoothing out her jacket as she avoided his eye contact. Yet she knew she could feel the pity radiating from him. Glenn's heart ached further after hearing those words leave Alex's mouth. the guilt he'd been trying to rid himself of now permanently stuck to him like glue as he took a step toward her.

"I'm sorry-" Alex again cut him off before he could finish his sentence. her patience wearing thin, she wanted this over with, she couldn't keep thinking about it.

"stop. you got your answer. forget it happened. and this-" her hands gesturing around the room signifying what he had witnessed upon entering her cell.

"this. it wasn't about that. it was about stuff that happened before. so keep your damn mouth shut." Alex stated before walking out of her cell leaving Glenn alone with his thoughts. the silence almost damaging. 

Alex walked out into the courtyard pulling a cigarette from an almost empty box in her pocket she'd found on a run days prior, lighting the cigarette she inhaled deeply tilting her head back in relief as she leant against the wall. the sun beaming down on her face mixed with the nicotine enough to partially calm her. she exhaled the racing of her heart slowing as she looked out into courtyard, her eyes scanning the courtyard and the grass beyond. members of her group scattered across the land that had been labelled safe because of the fences that surrounded it. yet it wasn't. the whole place was littered with Lori's ghost.

bang. the dreaded sound of a bullet rang through Alex's ears. Her eyes immediately scanning her surroundings to see Axel's body fall to the floor. her heart dropped as her eyes subconsciously scanned the area for carl and her family.

Alex's heart skipped a beat watching the members of her group run to find cover. adrenaline immediately rushing through her veins, Carol was stuck in the centre of the courtyard.  she rushed toward Carol. She couldn't lose anyone else. This group couldn't lose anyone else.

She pulled the gun from her waistband. in seconds bullets we're flying toward both Carol and Alex. Alex dove off to the side, partially protected by the wall and a car. Her gun raised her eyes laid on Carl and Beth hiding behind benches, Carl's gun raised shooting toward one of the governor's men who'd broken into the guard tower.

Alex's blood ran cold as she raised her gun toward the guard tower, she knew she couldnt do much with a pistol. She needed her rifle. persistent Gunfire echoed through her ears. the sound taking her back, as she evaluated her options. Locking eyes with Carl, she nodded.

"I'll cover you! fucking run here." Alex yelled toward her younger cousin and Beth. The pair nodded. Alex rounded the corner of the wall that was providing her cover from the gun fire. Firing her gun multiple times Carl and Beth rushed over to her. Alex's heart raced as she dove back behind the wall her eyes locking with carls as she examined him for wounds. her blood ran cold as her mind wondered to the other members of the group.

"Alex! Here!" Alex turned to see Maggie running out of the cell block Alex's rifle in her hand. A smirk showed on Alex's lips as Maggie threw her the rifle. alex sent the girl an appreciative nod before turning her attention back to where she had previously seen Carol, the woman hiding under Axel's dead body in an attempt to keep herself safe. Alex knew.

"carl. when I tell you to run. you run. you go back to the cell block. and don't dare think about me okay?" Her voice was stern as she looked down at him, he nodded hesitantly, he wanted to help. but he also knew better than to argue in a situation like this. Alex looked toward Maggie whose expression was one of confusion.

"Maggie when I say. you cover me. you stay behind this wall. shoot when you can" Alex's voice was monotone. automatic. too calm. Maggie nodded as she watched Alex look back over toward Carol.

"now!" Alex yelled running from the safety of the wall toward Carol gun in hand. she shot toward the man. Alex shouted for Carol to get behind her as she held the trigger on her rifle. She covered for the older woman as they rushed behind the safety of the wall. Gunfire echoed through Alex's skull.

Alex lined herself up with the edge of the wall. her heart racing. hands clammy. She gripped her rifle. lining it up with the man on the guard tower. Taking a breath she squeezed the trigger. sending a bullet through his skull. Blood covered the wall behind where he stood. Alex let out a breath of relief, a smirk on her face before she heard the violent smash of the fences and the revving of a truck.

"fuck."  she watched he blood running cold as the governors' men drove a truck full of walkers into the yard. releasing the walkers. Gunfire echoed through her ears. Alex pointed her rifle toward the walkers as she caught sight of Hershel in the scope. walker's approaching him. She squeezed the trigger, again and again. sending bullets into the skulls of walkers. Through her scope, she saw Glenn. He helped Hershel into the truck driving him back up to the prison. Carol quickly locked the remaining gate. she was right they were never safe.

Alex watched as the group reunited, Her vision blurring as Glenn's eyes caught hers. A piercing pain intruded her side. as more eyes fell on her. Her breath hitched. pain ripping through her body. her hand going to her side. looking down blood covered her hand...

"Alex.." Glenn reached out for her, his eyes trained on her side. her tank top drenched in blood as the floor began moving under her feet. her knees buckled. excruciating pain ripped through Alex's side. A groan escaped her lips, the burning pain roaring through her body as the adrenaline wore out. Falling into Glenn's arms as the world went black.

"shit" Glenn pulled Alex up into his arms. All eyes on him. His heart thumping in his chest felt as if it could explode. he pulled the girl into his arms holding her bridal style as bile rose in his throat. Panic rushed through his veins as he looked down at the bleeding girl in his arms.

"get her into the cell block now!" Rick's panicked voice rang through Glenn's ears as he rushed towards the cell block Hershel hobbling behind him. Glenn listened to Hershel's orders desperately trying to keep himself together.

Rick's mind rushing 1000 mph as he rushed to check the surrounding area to ensure no more of the governor's men were around, his mind purely focused on his niece. they couldn't handle another loss. he couldn't. and not her. never her.

Glenn's throat tightened as he laid Alex's limp body on the bed. taking a step back his hands went to his face in disbelief that couldn't be their last conversation. it couldn't be. Hershel and Carol jumping to tend to Alex's wounds. hershel peeled Alex's tank top from the wound, revealing a bullet wound. blood pouring from the wound the crimson liquid covering her torso as Glenn stared in disbelief.

Glenn stood watching. hands running over his face. that couldn't be their last conversation. Rick and Carl stood at the door. in disbelief. Rick huffed his hand still in a tight grip around his gun before walking away, he'd failed to protect his family again. Shane's voice echoed through his mind, maybe he was right, maybe he could've protected them better than him.

Glenn's eyes trained on Alex. Hershel's panicked words not registering in his brain. the loud thumping of blood against his ears, the blur in his vision. the thoughts. his focus was purely on her lifeless body. the blood.

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a/n- hey guys, i hope you're all enjoying this story. i really appreciate comments and feedback it makes me feel more motivated to write ❤️
love you all thank you x