"Turn right now." I yell at the cab driver. "Mere, I am coming right now."

Making a quick detour, I reach the hospital in a matter of minutes. I sprint to Gianna's ward barely registering anything on the way. I burst into the door as they unplug the machines in the room. "NO!" I scream as I see her small body on the bed, lying lifeless.

"Gianna, wake up. You can't die." I cry uncontrollably. She doesn't respond. I hold her face and shake her but even her skin is cold and deathly white. "Look at me. Please Gianna. You can't go. There is a lot you don't know." I bang my hands on the bed, losing it all. I feel the world crumble under me.

"I never told you, I am your mother. And that you have a daddy, he would have loved you. Baby don't do this to me." I lay my head on the bed and finally resign to the fact that she is not going to answer me. That she is gone. I hold her cold hand into mine and cry until they come to take her away. I scream as they wheel the body away and fall to the floor when she is finally gone.

Somehow, I find the energy to get up and leave the hospital. I desperately want to see Carter and tell him everything. I want him to hold me and tell me it'll be okay and let me cry on his shoulder until it doesn;t hurt so much anymore. I take a cab to his Rockefeller Avenue. I ride the elevator to the topmost floor, where the executive offices are. The receptionist doesn't stop me when I pass by him. I turn the door knob slowly and watch the door swing open.

He notices instantly. Instead of looking at me with warmth, he looks at me with guilt. I step into the room and notice why.

There near the window, my brother is seated with a glass of whiskey. I can tell immediately it's not his first time being here.

I turn and storm out of the building. I hurry to the penthouse and start packing my belongings. Carter enters as I am closing my suitcase. He grabs it from my hands. "Tara, listen to me." He says as he tries to stop me.

I am not having it. "Leave me alone." I get his hands off me.

"I can explain." He says as he pleads with me.

"I don't want to hear it." I take my suitcase from him and storm to the door. I turn around when I am in the doorway. "You know, I really believed you when you said you love me. Foolish of me." I scoff. "You were scheming behind my back, right?" He doesn't deny it. "Good to know." I wheel it out into the hallway and head to the elevator, he follows me out. As the elevator is coming, I remember something, "Gianna is dead. Just so you know."

The elevator comes and closes before he has recovered from the shock. Good for me that means he doesn't stop me from leaving. Returning to my apartment after so long feels so much like moving in. I leave the suitcase at the door and flop into the sofa. I ball myself into the sofa and cry.

I can't believe I get to lose the two people I loved all at once. Gianna was so strong, she was so healthy, I don't understand how she could die. I always thought a miracle would happen and my baby girl would outlive the doctor's predictions. I always thought I'd have her pretty face to go to every time, that she'd always be there. I was wrong, and I hate myself for not cherishing every second we were together. If only I could turn back time and tell her I'm her mother and tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me. And take her out myself, take care of her the right way. If only I'd let her know her father. She would have loved him and I know Carter would have loved her too.

I fall into a fitful sleep. I wake up the next morning with a headache. I call HR and explain the situation, excluding the part where Gianna is my daughter. Fatefully, the lady on the phone understands quickly and gives me a week to rest. The phone rings immediately.

Meredith asks me to meet her at the hospital shortly. I take a quick and take a cab to the hospital. In passing I see a familiar figure of man which looks oddly like Carter but I do not get time to confirm. I spot Mere at the reception waiting for me. She looks so pale and tired, her eyes sunken into her sockets with bags starting to manifest under her eyes. The death of Gianna has affected her as much as it has me, I am sure I don't look any better and Mere doesn't hesitate to tell me so explicitly.

She gives me a quick hug immediately. I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I tilt my head upwards to keep the tears at bay. "Follow me." She says.

On the way she tells me what happened. Gianna started spasming suddenly late at night. The doctors tried to find the cause of the spasming until the morning but due to the chemotherapy there were few tests they could do on her, so it took long to discover that she had experienced a rupture of the varicose vein. At that point it was too late to do anything.

"She would have grown into such a beautiful young woman, just like you." Mere says. I can only nod. "She used to say how she wanted to be a doctor. She would have been so good at it. You should have seen how well she cared for the younger kinds in the ward." The pangs of regret come back a hundred fold.

"There is so much left unsaid." I can only muster that before we reach the room. It looks so empty without the buoyant young girl filling up the entire space. Suddenly the room feels hollow and cold without her running around and laughing.

Mere heads to the side of the bed where she picks up a box and hands it to me. "This is all she had. Her toys, books, clothes, and some legal documents you should have." She looks reluctant to let go.

"I hope the fees have been cleared as usual."

"Yes, of course." She hugs me one last time and escorts me back to the reception. "Don't beat yourself up, okay? No one would have predicted this. I am here for you if you need anything."

"See you around." I walk out with the box in hand. I reach home and start rummaging through it. The familiar scent that wafts from her belongings brings tears to my eyes again. I walk to the balcony to take a breather from crying so much. I look up at the clear blue sky, with hints of summer coming out. The sun is shining brightly and down on the street, flowers are blooming on trees, birds are chirping happily. People walk still, to many places with smiles on their faces like she isn't even gone. The world is moving on, but I can't get myself to even understand it, let alone move on.

Going outside doesn't help me at all. I return inside and stash the box next to my bed without taking anything out. I lie on the bed staring at the ceiling. I feel so pathetic crying for two days straight. I should be getting preparations for the funeral ready because the morgue won't hold her forever, but I do not have the energy to do it. Mom would have known what to do. I miss her so much.

I open the box again and pull out a file. A document falls out landing on the bed. I pick it and it turns out to be Gianna's birth certificate. I vaguely remember filling it all those years back. Back then I wrote Carter's name as the father but I never told him. I am sure he knows nothing of it til now.

I get up and hurry to the door. I put on the nearest shoes I can find. I no longer have a reason to hide it from him. On the way I am praying that he is at home, so that I don't have to return to his office after the scene I caused yesterday. I ring the doorbell twice before the door clicks open.

Messy hair, tired eyes, crumpled clothes and a slightly bent posture make him look more haggard than I have ever seen Carter. He leans on the doorpost looking at me with worry in his eyes. I surmise that he is working from home today, fortunately for me.

"Can I come in?" I ask softly.

He almost looks startled, "of course." He steps out of the way for me to pass. I head to the kitchen. I turn around and face him. He is close behind me. I hand him the paper without saying anything.

He stares at it with confusion. It takes a minute before realization starts to dawn on him. He looks at me furrowed eyebrows before looking at the birth certificate again. "What is this?" I can feel the energy it takes him not to shout at me.

"I should have told you but-" I trail off.

"No." He looks at the paper again dubiously. Suddenly he tosses the paper on the floor, "You thought to tell me now that she is-" his voice catches. I realize how wrong I was. Carter is at home grieving Gianna's death, "dead?" His eyes flash a terrifying forest green shade. His voice is low, laced with fury.

"I am sorry." I feel cornered. I shouldn't have come now, but then there will never be a right time.

"You're sorry?" He laughs a low and cold humorless laugh. He looks at me like he wants to tear me apart. I take a step back with fear. "Tara, I can't believe you. Why did you hide this from me? What were you scared of, huh?" He doesn't let me talk, "that I wouldn't accept her? That I would be a bad father? Or were you just like your father and you deemed me unworthy, huh?" The malice in his voice catches me off guard. It becomes clear then that Carter was harboring so many unhealed wounds inflicted on him by me and my family, and it becomes evident he has never forgotten any of it. "Are you getting revenge because of August?" His icy glare fixes on me waiting for me to say something.

I feel my anger boiling up, "No." I try to suppress it, I can't get angry now, I am the one in the wrong and I know it. I take a deep breath, "I am not petty enough to do that." He raises an eyebrow with disbelief. "I wasn't meant to tell you about Gianna, ever. But I heard how much she took to you the other time, and I felt like it was unfair to you, and I am sorry, truly." He doesn't say anything, but the loathing in his eyes doesn't ebb. I pick up the birth certificate and place it on the counter. I let myself out.