Chapter 44: Last Night

His body was as cold as ice, but his touch brought a warm and cozy feeling which I think I needed at this moment. I needed to get my shits together and think about my recent decisions. But I just couldn't right now.

Kristan was on top of me, thrusting, panting, touching, and crossing all my restricted parts. The worse part was that I allowed him. I've always allowed him to cross the limits I built up to protect my peace and freedom.

I'm becoming too comfortable with him.

Am I risking too much here?

But then again, I already risked everything when I stood up for him against my own father. Pinaglaban ko siya sa isa sa mga dapat na hindi ko dapat binabangga.

"What's the matter?" he asked, suddenly stopping moving, but I could still feel him inside me. Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko saka hinawi ang ilang hibla ng buhok.

That simple touch gave me the most comfortable feeling.

He was feeling the moment through his bloody red eyes, but as soon as he noticed I was acting unusually, they returned to their normal hues. The intimacy building up was gone.

"Did I just make you feel disgusted by pushing you into this for-sale bed?" he inquired, his eyes filled with concern. "Is that what bothers you?"

I wanted to say no or just shake my head. But all I did was stare at him and be unresponsive. Doon siya tila nabahala. Umalis siya sa ibabaw ko saka humiga sa tabi ko. Hinarap niya ako sa kanya.

"Are we thinking about the same thing?" he whispered.

I had no idea what he was talking about, but for some reason, I think we were mutually thinking about the same thing. I really hope so because I'm at a loss for words.

"What do you know?" I whispered.

"Just the necessary thing I had to know or should have known from the start," his voice matched his expression. "How could someone who doesn't have a heart feel something so heartfelt?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "You have my blood. That makes us linked. Siguro kaya mo nararamdaman ito ay dahil nararamdaman ko rin. Like I told you, you have no heart because I am supposed to be your heart."

He nodded. "That completely makes sense."

Lumipas ang ilang minuto na walang nagsasalita sa amin. Nakatingin lang siya sa mukha ko na parang kinakabisado ang bawat anggulo nito.

I just stared at the high ceiling of this mall. Naramdaman kong hinaplos ni Kristan ang aking mukha. Napapikit ako at dinama ang sandaling ito.

I love every moment with him.

"Nathalia..." binulong niya ang pangalan ko. "Hindi ka ba nagsisisi na binuhay mo ako?"

I didn't hesitate when I said, "I do. I do regret everything."

"I understand. Sa tingin ko ay wala akong magagawa sa bagay na 'yan. I have no power over your decisions, nor can you take back what's done. The least I can do is make it worth it."

"No."

"Be with you..."

"No," I said as I opened my eyes and looked at him. "You're a part of this, Kristan. You can't just be with me after everything. You have to suffer as well."

He smiled. "Then, I will suffer with you."

"Let's anger them even more," I grinned.

I climbed on top of him, kissed him harder, touched him tighter, and desperately claimed him more than I had ever claimed anyone.

Maybe I have finally found the best place to settle down. But I have no plan of settling down. This is just me living the moment until I get tired of it.

Let's see how long I will last here.

Umuwi na kami sa apartment ni Hestia. We both had surprises in store for each other. I surprised him with Kristan's appearance, and she surprised me with the completion of my dress.

"I-it's in my room," Hestia said, still perplexed. "Wait. Kristan, you are here."

"Yeah," tipid na sabi ni Kristan.

Iniwan ko muna sila para pumunta sa kwarto ni Hestia. Sa bungad pa lang ay nakita ko na ang dress na pinapagawa ko. It's finally done.

I got teary-eyed. The completion of this dress just means that my time here is numbered. This dress will be the last outfit I will wear before I become someone who just once ruled the runways.

Kinuha ko ito saka tinapat sa katawan ko. Hestia did the perfect job by putting all the details I had imagined.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto. Lumapit sa akin si Hestia na masama ang tingin sa akin.

"What's that?" she asked.

I sighed. I think I really need to explain it to her.

Binalik ko sa lalagyan ang dress saka siya hinarap.

"Nathalia..." Her voice showed concerned. "Hindi ikaw 'yung tipong yayakapin ang isang bagay na minsan ka nang sinaktan. Bakit kasama mo siya?"

"I just realized that..." I bit my bottom lip. "He did nothing wrong. I just overanalyzed things."

She shook her head. "But still..."

"Hestia..." Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya saka hinaplos. "Everything is good."

"I-I really hope so..." Nangilid ang luha sa kanyang mga mata. "Ayokong makitang masaktan ka na naman."

"I know. Naiintindihan ko naman 'yon, Hestia. Pero..." Naglakas-loob akong umamin sa kanya. "I just couldn't let him go. At least, not this time."

"He's coming with us?"

I nodded.

Her expression softened. Saka niya ako hinila at niyakap.

"Good guys are still better than bad guys, I guess," she chuckled.

"Good guys can be bad at some point, too," I laughed.

"Maybe the rumors are true. Good guys are bad in bed."

"Stop!" I pushed her and laughed.

Hestia explained the added details on the dress and why she thought they were necessary. I didn't mind them as long as my ideas were done perfectly.

"Wait. What will be his contribution to the party?" tanong ni Hestia.

Natigilan ako. Hindi ko naisip ang bagay na 'yon. Kristan is not invited to the party and I don't want him to. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ipapagawa sa kanya.

"I cannot tell him about it," sabi ko.

"Then... what?"

"I will tell him to go as far away as possible that day. Maybe... a task that he needs to do. Anything." I shook my head. "As long as he doesn't get in my way."

Hestia nodded. "Labas na ako riyan, ah?"

"Ako na ang bahala..."

Pinakita ni Hestia kay Kristan ang kwartong pansamantala niyang tutuluyan. Ako naman ay pumasok muna sa kwarto para ayusin ang mga pinamili namin.

I was in the middle of organizing my dress when I realized that I couldn't wear them anymore. Pero karamihan naman sa mga damit ko ay hindi ko pa nasuot. I just buy things for fun.

My phone suddenly rang. Hando is calling.

"Are you ready for the next day?" he asked.

"Maybe..." tamad kong sagot.

I was thinking about what I should do with Kristan.

"Please. Please be there, Nathalia. They are waiting for you..."

"I'll be there, and don't forget about my party."

"Of course, I am aware about that!" aniya pa na natatawa. "Sige na. Please wear your best dress to impress them. Don't forget that you are meeting with the CEO of an empire!"

"Okay. See you..."

"See you, my baby..."

I cringe.

Pagkatapos ng tawag ay kumuha ako ng papel at pen. Nagsimula akong magsulat nang nakangiti at nung matapos ako ay natuluan ko ng luha ang papel.

I read my note.

To whoever is going to discover this letter, please do as I say. Keep this letter. If I don't come back after a decade, please sell my dresses for auction and donate all the accumulated money to any institute that builds up hope for someone. The rest of my collection can be auctioned and donated to institutes that have something to do with pursuing a passion for fashion and modeling. If I didn't come back after a decade, that just means I am gone for good. I will leave it all to you. You can also auction this letter and get the money for your own. Anything you decide to do. Thank you.

— Nathalia Cardinal

Sumandal ako sa swivel chair saka pinunasan ang luha sa aking mga mata. Nagmadali akong punasan ang aking pisngi nung may kumatok.

"Nathalia..." ani Hestia. "You are crying."

Nagmadali siyang lumapit sa akin. Napansin niya ang note na sinulat ko. Nung mabasa niya 'yon ay naiyak din siya. Mas malakas pa ang iyak niya kaysa sa akin.

"We are really leaving..." Suminghap niya. "I will miss stressing out about dresses and trying to come up with a reason for you to cancel a scheduled job."

Natawa ako. "I loved this job so much."

"Isn't this for the better?" Hinila niya ako paupo sa kama saka pinunasan ang luha ko sa pisngi. "Your body is exhausted. We are all exhausted. No matter what we wear or what mask we put on, we are still vampires living in a human world. We don't belong here. It was fun while it lasted."

"We don't belong anywhere, Hestia. But yeah..." I nodded and got more emotional. "This world offered the most fun I had ever experienced."

"We belong to each other." She smiled.

I nodded.

Today was the last day the world would have a glimpse of me. I did my usual routine and attended all my remaining scheduled jobs. No one even noticed that this would be the last time they would see me.

Sa bawat matatapos ko na trabaho ay nakakaramdam ako ng lungkot na tinatakpan ko na lang ng ngiti. Sa unang pagkakataon ay hiniling kong mas magtagal ang oras.

Hindi ko napigilang yakapin ang mga bumabati sa akin. Halos mapatalon sila sa gulat kapag ginagawa ko 'yon, pero pagkatapos ay nakangiti na sila.

Papunta na kami sa huling trabaho ko nung makasalubong ko si Kathlysse sa parking lot. May kasama siyang lalaki, pero sinenyasan niya itong mauna na. Ako naman ay mag isa lang kaya nanatili lang akong nakatayo.

I didn't think we had something to talk about, but when she stopped, I knew she intended to speak to me. Nung kami na lang dalawa ay nilapitan niya ako.

"Miss Nathalia..." nakangiti niyang bati.

"Hey. Uhmm. I've heard that you and Sania Anderson were hanging out lately," I mentioned just to say something. Not like I care.

She nodded. "Sure, we do. I love her personality. She's good."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward silence after. Gusto ko nang umalis pero nanatiling nakatayo pa rin sa harapan ko si Kathlysse.

"W-why did you do that?" she asked.

"Kathlyssee—"

"Did you think I would outshine you?" natawa pa siya.

Natikom ang bibig ko.

"Well, I might. I could also say that Miss Sania Anderson has been outshining you since she came into the spotlight. But... what's to be worried about, right? You are Nathalia Cardinal. You have nothing to prove anymore. You can disappear, and people will still remember you. You are such a remarkable woman. All of us are just inspired by you."

"I will not apologize to you," I made that clear.

"Although you hurt me, and the damage was permanently cast in my shadow throughout my career, I still don't expect any apology from you. I will just take it as a compliment that once in my life, you got threatened by my existence. Have a nice day, Miss Cardinal. See you around."

She left just like that.

Maybe... she was not what I thought she was.

Sayang.

Kung may pagkakataon pa sana ako para magtagal sa mundong ito ay baka sakaling magkaayos pa kami. Pero hindi lahat ng alitan ay nareresolbahan. Madalas ay nakakalimutan na lang at napaglilipasan ng panahon.

It was a tiring day, but I was too excited to go home. Sa labas pa lang ay napansin ko nang madilim ang bahay. Nakapatay lahat ng ilaw. Nagmadali akong i-park ang sasakyan ko.

Shit.

Pumasok ako sa loob. Binuksan ko ang ilaw sa sala. Katahimikan ang bumungad sa akin. Kumabog ang dibdib ko nung makita ang mga talsik ng dugo sa sahig.

"Kristan? Hestia?" I called their names.

Sinundan ko ang mga talsik ng dugo sa sahig. Dinala ako nito sa kusina. Nanginginig na binuksan ko ang ilaw.

"Surprise!"

Sumabog ang confetti sa hangin kasabay ng pag-ilaw ng kandila sa cake na hawak ni Kristan. Hawak naman ni Hestia si Lilly na may party hut pa sa ulo.

"W-what is this?" I asked.

"An early celebration for your anniversary!" maligalig na sagot ni Hestia. Bahagya pa niyang niyugyog si Lilly sa kanyang braso. "The real celebration."

Kristan looked hesitant as he approached me.

"H-happy anniversary..." Kumamot siya sa batok bago bumaling kay Hestia. "I told you. Nathalia is really not into surprises like this."

"N-no..." Tila nahiya ako nung sinabi ko 'yon. "Should I blow out the candle?"

Kristan nodded.

Nilapit niya sa akin ang cake saka ko hinipan ang apoy sa kandila. Napangiti si Kristan. Naalala ko tuloy nung dati na sinubukan niya akong i-surprise pagkauwi ko. May hawak pa siyang cupcake. Pero umalis din ako at hindi siya pinansin.

"Jesus. What was the blood on the floor then?" bulalas ko nung maalala ang mga patak ng dugo sa sahig na sobrang nagpakaba sa akin.

"Uhm. Hestia was drinking when she heard your car approaching. Nagmadali siyang tumakbo sa kitchen kaya natapon ang iba niyang iniinom," natatawang kwento ni Kristan.

"Ayusin niyong mag-surprise next time ha?" I rolled my eyes.

"Ang demanding mo naman. Surprise nga 'di ba?" pagsusungit din ni Hestia.

"Well, I'd rather not have any surprises than come home with blood stains on the floor! You just scared the hell out of me!"

"Why the hell would a blood stain on the floor scare you like this?" she yelled. "You couldn't even appreciate—" Hindi na niya natuloy ang sasabihin.

I had to step back and hold my breath before I even spilled to her that I once saw her in my vision bathing in her own blood. Iyon ang dahilan kaya mas nangibabaw sa akin ngayon ang takot kaysa sa surpresa nila.

"Fine. I'm sorry..." she pouted. "Nagmamadali lang kasi talaga ako. Hindi ko naman kasi inakala na 'yung mga patak ng dugo ay magpapakaba sa 'yo. Sanay naman tayo sa dugo."

Sanay ako sa dugo. Hindi ako sanay na makita siyang may dugo.

Tumango na lang ako.

"A-are we cool now?" kinakabahang tanong ni Kristan na palipat-lipat ang tingin sa amin. "Puwede na ba tayong mag-celebrate? No?"

Binaba ni Hestia si Lilly sa sahig saka umalis ng kusina.

"I guess not," Kristan whispered.

Binalingan ko ang table na maraming pagkain.

"She prepared almost everything. Tumulong lang ako." Yumuko si Kristan para buhatin si Lilly. "Sa tingin ko rin ay matagal na niyang pinlano 'to dahil halos wala na akong ginawa kanina. I bought the party huts, though. Still."

I suddenly felt sad. I overreacted.

My fear overshadowed my time to appreciate her efforts.

Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang luha sa mga mata ko. Sobra lang akong natakot na baka nagkatotoo ang nakita ko nung araw na 'yon.

Kristan put Lilly down to hug me.

"Just talk to her, Nath," he whispered. "She's been waiting for you to come home. Baka akala niya ay hindi mo nagustuhan ang ginawa niya."

I nodded.

Kakawala na sana ako sa pagkakayakap ni Kristan nung biglang dumating si Hestia. May hawak siyang regalo. Nung makita niya kami ay natigilan siya pero agad ding ngumiti.

"Hestia..." Binitiwan ko si Kristan para yakapin siya. "I'm really sorry."

She hugged me back.

"It's okay, Nath." Hinaplos niya ang balikat ko. "Stop crying now. We should be celebrating."

I nodded.

I shouldn't be crying.

I shouldn't be worrying.

This will be our last night here.