Chapter 17: Greedy

My eyes were closed, but my consciousness was everywhere. I was keenly aware that Kristan was wide awake and just staring at me while struggling to put my body at rest. I was wondering about his thoughts while also thinking about the chaos later.

I softly gasped when he pulled me closer to him until my head rested against his chest. It was a swift move, but he swayed me to this place perfectly that I didn't need to adjust just to feel comfortable.

"Hush," he whispered as he brushed his fingers through my hair, and that prompted me that I should really take a rest because he was causing me to feel shitty. "Rest your mind, Nathalia."

Hindi. Alam kong masyado lang akong halatang gising kaya niya sinabing magpahinga na ako. Hindi niya nabasa ang nasa utak ko.

He wasn't capable of penetrating the boundaries I had built for myself. There's no way he could get into my head without me allowing it to happen.

I heard him sigh as he stopped caressing my hair. Naramdaman kong lumuwag ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin. Bumangon siya, pero nanatiling nakaupo pa rin.

"I don't think you can rest with all those things going on in your head," I heard him say, and that's when I unclosed my eyes. He was looking at me.

I swallowed. "I think I need some fresh air."

Yeah. That's all I need.

"Sure—"

"Alone," I cut him off.

I felt the need to be alone. Having him around wasn't really helping me at all. In fact, he was primarily the reason why I was suffering from this.

"Be back in an hour," he stated.

If I was just in my typical character, I should have rolled my eyes and ignored what he said. I don't authorize anyone to dictate or, worse, limit me from what I want to do.

I didn't bother to get myself a jacket or a sweater to wear against the frosty weather. My body could feel the cold, but I could tolerate it, especially now that I had a taste of Kristan's blood. My body had already recuperated from all those restless days.

I put on my sandals and got out of my room. Tahimik na ang bahay kaya alam kong nagpapahinga na sila. Nakasunod sa akin si Kristan hanggang sa kusina.

"I will wait here." He sat down on the chair and laid his back on it. "In an hour, huh?"

I looked at him for a moment. When he shut his eyes, I walked toward the backdoor. As soon as I opened the door, the freezing air embraced me.

I went outside that night for the second time since I came in here, but I was wearing my sandals now. Sa halip na dumiretso papunta sa garden ni Lady Massie, tinahak ko ang salungat na daan.

It took me ten minutes before I heard the crash of waves from afar. That put a smile on my lips. Hindi na ako nakuntento sa paglalakad kaya napatakbo na ako.

I giggled like a thrilled kid as soon as I saw the vast ocean. It was empty and dark, just perfect for me. The wind was harsher and more favorable.

My night lingerie was swaying with my hair as I ran on the seashore where the water could grasp my feet. No matter how many places I've been to, the sea would consistently be my best view.

I ran and ran like I was some bird who just got freed from the cage, craving for freedom and wanting to make it far. The sound of waves crashing on the shore, my giggle fading into the air, and the sound of wind gushing— this perfectly described me.

Freedom. I would do anything to be free.

I stopped and looked back. I couldn't see my footprint on the sand as if the sea knew that I wouldn't want to be traced by anyone.

I stood against the wind and stared at the wide ocean. My attention dropped to my feet when I felt the cold water caress them. Whenever the sea would suck all the water back, it would spit it back stronger. That defined me.

I walked away from the ocean and crouched on the dunes. Kumuha ako ng mapinong buhangin sa aking mga kamay saka dahan-dahan 'yong binuhos sa aking hita.

I sighed as I thought about the place I had abandoned for a week. Mukhang alam na ni Hando na ako ang nagpakalat o kumuha ng video scandal ni Kathlysse. Though I don't think he could push it far just to punish me, I still knew that he wouldn't tolerate my behavior this time.

As much as I didn't want to worry about Kathlysse, she's still a fucking human. Humans' pain tolerance is nowhere near vampires'. I was talking about the intangible pain, of course. That's because we had been through considerably worse— our mistakes could fill an entire ocean.

I am still enjoying being the Nathalia that I am now. Nasasabik pa rin ako kapag nasa harapan ng mga camera habang pasimpleng napapangiti dahil alam kong halos lahat ng mga mata sa paligid ay inaasam-asam ang lugar ko.

I need to fix my mistake if I want to last in this career. Kapag pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa ay hindi malabong maglaho ang lahat sa isang iglap.

It's not time yet.

Pagkabalik ko ay una kong aayusin ang ginawa ko kay Kathlysse. I was still doubtul about her, but I would rather not give a damn this time. She could be fake, and that's none of my business anymore.

Right. That's what I am going to do. But for now, I have a plan that's about to start in a few. Maybe I should return now.

"You are here."

I turned around, and Terrence was standing behind me, but his attention was elsewhere. Nakaputing sando lang siya at itim na shorts.

"Do you remember the first time I brought you to the sea—"

"Nathalia." Another guy suddenly appeared from a distance. He gradually narrowed the distance between us, but he halted a few feet away from me. "Lagpas ka na sa isang oras."

"I think you are confusing your role here, Mr. Admiral," Terrence butted in. "Nathalia doesn't owe you anything. Especially her time."

Kristan neglected him by not responding. Nanatili sa akin ang kanyang tingin at tila naghihintay na tumayo ako para sumama sa kanya.

Terrence chuckled. "Hindi mo pa rin kilala si Nathalia. She does whatever she wants. Mas mabuting hayaan mo na lang siya sa gusto niyang gawin."

"Hindi ba sinabi na niya sa 'yo na tapos na kayo?" Binawi ni Kristan ang atensyon sa akin para bumaling kay Terrence. "Mas mabuting hayaan mo na lang siya sa gusto niyang mangyari."

A stretched smirk and clenched fists— I directly stood before the tension between them got worse. But I found myself caught up and had no idea where to go.

"You are nothing but a nuisance in Nathalia's life."

I muttered a curse after Kristan said that. Mabilis na humarang ako nung umaktong aatakihin ni Terrence si Kristan. Pumagitna ako sa kanilang dalawa.

"If I am a nuisance to her, what even are you?" Terrence showed his thirsty fangs. The veins slithered around his neck as a sign that he wasn't even trying to hold back his feelings. "You are fucking useless, Kristan."

"At least I have a purpose, and I have the chance to prove myself, unlike you. She doesn't want you anymore." Kristan was more composed, but when was the last time my guess about him turned out to be accurate.

No. The last thing I wanted was to start the chaos with Terrence and Kristan. I already planned this night, and this scene wasn't included.

I need to do something.

I looked at Kristan. "Mauna ka na. Susunod na lang kami."

He jerked his head. "I am not leaving you with this psychotic asshole."

"I can handle him," I gripped his arm and squeezed it. He looked at me with confusion. "Do what I told you. Mauna ka na."

Kristan didn't say anything, but he stood still. That's when I slightly pushed him away. Napaatras siya at mas lalong naguluhan.

"Come on, man. Be a gentleman and do what she wants," pang-aasar pa ni Terrence. "If you were worrying that I might hurt her, I don't think I am capable of doing that."

"Go now, Kristan," I said.

He sighed and nodded. Pinasok niya sa bulsa ng pantalon ang mga kamay saka tumalikod at nakayukong naglakad palayo. Sinigurado ko munang malayo na si Kristan bago hinarap ang huling lalaking natira.

Terrence was smiling at me. "I knew it. Ginagamit mo lang siya para pagselosin ako, hindi ba? Gaya ng ginagawa ko kay Lady Massie."

"Saan mo dinala si Lady Dinah?"

He crossed his arms on his chest. Mukhang proud siya sa sarili at dahil nagawa niyang itulak ako sa puntong kailangan kong pumili at siya 'yon.

I did us a favor. If I chose to go with Kristan, I don't think Terrence would let us get away without throwing a punch or, worse, fangs. Kristan had already stomped into his ego enough for him to allow him win this argument.

"She's unharmed." Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at bahagya 'yong minasahe. "Let's not talk about her. We have all the time in the world now. I missed you..."

I looked straight into his eyes. I didn't obviously choose to stay here with him because I chose him. But his mind would rather believe that way than twist it the other way. That's how delusional he is.

He moved his face closer to me. I stood still and let him do what he wanted. His balmy breath was brushing against my face, and I thank the world for I had the capacity to tolerate it.

I need more time.

"I can't wait to hear from your lips that you love me," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me until our body touched. "That you still love me."

Hindi pa rin ako kumilos. Bumaba sa leeg ko ang kanyang mukha. Naramdaman kong hinalikan niya ako roon nang ilang beses.

I needed to buy more time, so I just closed my eyes. Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko habang hinahayaan siyang hawakan ako ulit. I was disgusted by enabling the man who once shattered me to touch me once again.

"Damn. I missed your scent," I heard him cuss. His touch went down on my butt, squeezing them in his palms. He was rough, and I didn't like it.

Before he could even slip his hand inside my lingerie, someone forcely knocked him away. I froze in shock when I saw Kristan on top of him and throwing hard punches. Terrence promptly recovered and punched him back. Isang suntok lang at nagawa niyang pabagsakin si Kristan. Bumangon siya saka hinawakan ang mga balikat ni Kristan at binuhat saka tinapon sa malayo. Kristan groaned, and couldn't move.

"Stop!" I yelled, but Terrence was too furious even to hear me. Before he could even reach him again, I stood in between them. "Don't touch him."

The rage in his didn't budge. But I made my words clear when I said, "I won't let you hurt him again."

"W-what?" Naghalo ang galit at pagkalito sa kanyang mukha. Even his voice broke. "You will really go that far just to protect this man?"

"I will do anything to protect everything and everyone that matters to me."

The tears in his eyes glimmered as they stared at me. But I don't think it's a pain. He was tearing up because of so much wrath.

He sighed. "Fine. But I will kill him first—"

I was quick enough to cease him, but I managed to do that by using myself as a shield to protect Kristan. His fist was extremely strong that it penetrated my chest. It took a moment for him to grasp what had happened.

"N-Nathalia..." He withdrew his fist from my chest as he stepped backward and was agitated by what he did. That's when his tears fell down his cheeks.

"Stay away from her!"

Bago ako bumagsak sa lupa ay nasalo na ako ni Kristan. He immediately bit his arm and let me consume his blood. Napaubo ako kaya natapon ko ang dugo niya.

"Nathalia!" Kristan gently nudged my shoulders as if I was unconscious.

I mentally laughed. He's still an idiot.

This won't kill me.

"Nathalia!" I heard voices coming in our direction.

Kristan tried to provide me with some of his blood again, but I refused to drink it by faking a cough. His blood would immediately help me recover. I need to fake it.

"What happened here?" I heard Lady Massie's frantic voice. "Lady Nathalia— Mother!"

"Lay her on the sand." Mother's voice was calm as usual. I don't think I had already seen her get panic or terrified. She's always composed and had plans under her sleeves in every situation.

In the blur of my eyes, I saw the light in mother's face as she caressed my cheek. Her touch was heartening as ever. It saddened me that I betrayed them. They don't deserve it.

"You fucking psycho! You told me that you weren't capable of hurting her! What the fuck did you do?" I tilted my head to look at Kristan. Pinapaulanan niya ng suntok si Terrence na hindi lumalaban.

"Stop!" Pumagitna sa kanila si Lady Massie na lumuluha. Hinarap niya si Terrence. "W-why?"

Instead of answering her question, Terrence decided to look at me. He was bleeding due to the punch he got from Kristan. His jaw clenched as he looked elsewhere. As if he couldn't stand seeing me in this state. As if he didn't do it.

Lady Massie slapped him hard on his face. "Those thieves who broke into our house to steal our golds. Are you one of them?"

So... it already happened. Mukhang ginawa na nga ng mga rebelde ang sinabi ko sa kanila. Iyon ay ang isiwalat sa kanila ang pinagtataguan ng mga gold sa bahay at sabihin na kasabwat sila ni Terrence. It was a childish move, but because of what he did to me, it was enough to exile him out of this place.

Terrence couldn't utter a word. Napayuko na lang siya.

"That's true, Lady Massie."

Napatingin kami sa bagong dating. I cursed under my breath when I saw Lady Dinah. She was staring intently at Terrence. She was obviously furious.

"W-what do you mean, Lady Dinah?" Lady Massie sobbed harder.

"I caught him trying to steal our golds, so he put me on a rope and tied me somewhere away from here. That was the reason why I wasn't home at dinner. I managed to escape just now."

I looked away. I don't understand why she's still protecting me. She could have easily admitted to them the truth, that I was involved. That I was also a traitor.

"I see. This is better, I think." Lady Massie's voice was resentful. "Knowing your intentions for me is nothing but a façade. I love you, Terrence. But I love my village and sisters more. You hurt Lady Nathalia. I won't ever forgive you."

Sa isang iglap ay nakalapit sa akin si Terrence. He was crying as he caressed my face. He muttered the words, "I'm sorry."

And he disappeared.

Sa wakas ay naunahan ko siyang sirain sa lugar na ito bago pa niya magawa 'yon sa akin. Gano'n pa man ay alam kong sira na rin ako. Wala akong intensyon na pagtakpan pa ang sarili.

I let out a heavy sigh as I pulled myself up. Mabilis na dinaluhan ako ni Kristan para alalayan, pero hindi ko siya pinansin.

"Are you okay now?" he asked.

I turned to Lady Dinah. Bumigat ang paghinga ko, hindi dahil sa may butas pa rin ang dibdib ko, kung hindi dahil sa kailangan kong isiwalat ang katotohanan.

"Lady Dinah—"

"I'm fine, Nathalia." She smiled at me. "He didn't really hurt me. You should worry about yourself more. Hindi magandang tingnan ang butas sa dibdib mo."

Naguluhan ako sa sinabi niya, pero wala akong nagawa nung buhatin ako ni Kristan. Nag-umpisa na siyang maglakad pabalik.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed.

"Taking you home?" he glared at me.

I laughed, mockingly. "Sa tingin mo ba ay mamamatay ako ng dahil lang sa maliit na butas sa dibdib?"

"Sa tingin ko ay kailangan mong manahimik."

I gasped at his response. Umirap ako saka na lang bumaling sa likod. Naiwan namin silang tatlo. Dinaluhan nina Lady Dinah at Lady Tania ang humahagulgol na si Lady Massie.

A bitter smile formed on my lips. Lilipas din ang sakit na nararamdaman ni Lady Massie. Nakakalungkot lang na hindi ko siya kayang tulungan sa pagkakataon na ito.

Nagawa akong ipasok ni Kristan sa aking silid. Napansin ko pang kinandado niya ang pinto. Dahan-dahan niya akong hiniga sa kama.

I was about to sit when he pushed me down. He bobbed his head at me before going to the bathroom. Pagbalik niya ay may dala na siyang timbang may tubig at bimpo.

"No need for this," I said.

He still ignored me.

I gasped when he tore my lingerie just to take it off. Hindi pa ako nakakabawi sa ginawa niya nung maramdaman kong gumapang sa puson ko ang kanyang palad.

He stared at my body. As if he was examining how severe I would be. I don't feel any pain anymore. I'm good. But I don't think he would accept any explanation from me.

He gently wiped the wet towel around my bare chest. Doon lang nakatuon ang atensyon niya na animo'y takot na tumingin sa mukha ko.

I think I already know why he's behaving this way.

I sniffed. "I didn't do that to save you—"

"I'm sorry..."

That shut my lips.

"I was stupid," he whispered. "Dapat ay sinunod ko na lang ang gusto mo. Dapat ay hindi ko na lang siya pinatulan. Dapat ay hindi na ako bumalik nung pinaalis mo ako."

Natutop ako sa kinahihigaan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin para malaman niyang wala siyang dapat na ipagpaumanhin.

He stopped wiping my chest to look at me. Parang may kung anong gumulo sa dibdib ko nung makita ang labis na lungkot sa kanyang mga mata.

The sadness in his eyes brought the contrary feeling that I got from staring at the ocean. It was heavy, confined, and I hated it.

"I will never let you take the shot for me anymore."

"I need your blood."

His lips parted. Tumango siya bago binaba ang hawak na bimpo saka lumipat ng pwesto sa tabi ko. I stopped when he tried to bite his arm.

"Come closer," I ordered.

Yumuko siya hanggang sa ilang pulgada na lang ang layo ng mukha namin sa isa't isa. Nakatuon lang ang atensyon niya sa labi ko na tila takot na sabayan ang tingin ko.

"What are you, Kristan?" I asked.

He met my gaze. "Your slave."

"What's your duty?"

I read his lips as he said, "To serve you."

"That's right." I looked back at his eyes. "To serve me using your blood."

I got him too stunned to speak. He clearly didn't get my point.

"That means... your blood is all mine. Just mine. I get easily jealous." I caressed his arms while staring at his face. "I don't want to see you bleeding if I am not the reason. You are only allowed to bleed in my mouth."

I needed his blood, but I claimed his lips instead.

Maybe I needed both.

I am greedy.