Louis: Honestly I'm going to fucking sue the fuck out of mcdonalds like wtf

Sand littering the floor: huh?

Louis: OH NY GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE WOOP

Sand littering the floor: haha its fine :) so what's this about suing?

Louis: okay and oh... well that's a bit of a story.

Louis: Well ya know, I was just doing my weekly visit to the ol' old mcdonalds had a farm and I was just chillin being fabulous as usual. And so I order something and then I ask for chicken nuggets

Sand littering the floor: mhmm go on.

Louis: And they are like nah nah nah nah boi. We don't got no chicken nuggets (they didnt exactly say it like this but those are minor details)

Louis: And i was like but this is like the home of chicken nuggets. where else am I supposed to get warm, fattening, delicious nug nugs then?

Louis: and they were still like nah nah nah we can't help you. And so then I flicked my wrist, said 'bitch please' and sassily left that dump cuz nobody deprives louis of chicken nug nugs

Sand littering the floor: that was an awfully entertaining story

Louis: i guess. lol. well yeah so that's why I'm suing.

Louis: So what have you been doing lately. We talked for about ten seconds that one time

Sand littering the floor: Oh yeah sorry about that hee. i've been busy with some stuff

Louis: oh ok. well whenever you got time we can talk :)

Sand littering the floor: sure thing. I'm actually a bit busy so I'll talk to you soon

Louis: oh no worries ttyl

...

Louis: give me a million dollars bub

Turdy seven shades of niall: no

...

Louis: heeyy stannn what's up best frienddd

ot4 stan: i'm not giving you any money

Louis: What?!?! How did you know I was going to ask that?

ot4 stan: niall texted me about you asking him

Louis: ugh that uncultured swine. I'm not going to give him these knock off chicken nug nugs then.

ot4: what even

Louis: long story. mcdonalds incident

ot4: sometimes I wonder about you

Louis: ah don't we all

...

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Louis: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

Louis: YOU LIVE IN A ZOO

Louis: YOU SMELL LIKE A MONKEY

Louis: ANNNNDDDDD

Louis: YOU LOOK LIKE ONE TOO

Liam Payne: I feel the love

Louis: yeah boy get it

Louis: so how does it feel being 69?

Liam Payne: wondeful. 69 is such a beautiful age and number. Ah yes, the thrilling age of 69

Louis: but why is it so true

Liam Payne: okay okay but honestly 22 doesnt feel that different. but I don't want to be old. *cries* I'm just a 22 year old boy. I love beans, spare me please

Louis: That's it my little lima bean son. Let all your emotions out

Liam Payne: I just want to be young and wild and free.

Louis: SO WHAT WE GET DRUNKK SO WHAT WE CAN'T SLEEPPP WE'RE JUST HAVIN FUNNNN AND WE DONT CARE WHO SEES. SOMETHING LYRICS THAT I DONT KNLW BLAH THAT'S HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BEEE. LIVIN YOUNG AND WILD AND FREE

Louis: art. that song was really neccessary to sing btw. So what have you been doing?

Liam Payne: well I hung out with my extra fine boyfriend and my family too and that video chat with you was okay I mean you were kinda ugly but whatever and then i went to eat and yeah

Louis: hey child. slow down there the queen always looks fine

Liam Payne: the queen? oh she's such a lovely lady. too bloody bad she's not here. oh well

Louis: NO I MEAN QUEEN LOUIS GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

Liam Payne: but i'm gay....uncultured toe

Louis: well then get your priorities crooked or bent gosh. I'm feeling those negative vibes you are sending me liam me no likey.

Liam Payne: *throws a sandal at you*

Louis: um excuse me i refer to them as chanclas please. The french language is so fabulous. por favor and gracias

Liam Payne: yes louis thats french

Louis: yeah? thats what I said?

Louis: anyways because I love you #homolife I was going to get you a present and mail it but I'm also poor and no one was giving me money so I wasn't able to. But then I went to this knock off chicken nug nug restaurant and found fifty bucks near a sewer and bam. Your birthday
present money. so yeah I got you a present and it should come really soon.

Louis: Premium mailing too because I sorta-ish like you and you are sorta-ish my friend. Ew no wait your not as fabulous nvm

Louis: I'M JUST JOKING LIAM THANKS FOR BEING A GREAT FRIEND AND PERSON AND ALL THAT SAPPY STUFF AND YOU HAVE GREAT ABS AND A NICE FACE AND I LOVE YOU BRO OKAY OKAY THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME FOR THESE PAST MONTHS

Liam Payne: awww louis thanks :') yeah I love you too lol and its great being your friend for all this time. I know I have great abs *wink wink nudge nudge elbow elbow* I mean who doesn't know. you are inzain but I love you bro

Louis: I love you bro

Liam Payne: I love you too bro :') #homofriends4life

Louis: #homofriends4life that's so beautiful

Liam Payne: THE POST MAN IS HERE AND HE HAS A PACKAGE I'M EXCITED

Louis: YES. VIDEO CHAT ME RN

liam payne is calling...

Louis: Liammm! Go get the box quick and open it go go go!

Liam: (Puts his phone on bed, grins) Okay just let me run out real quick. (jumps off bed and runs)

Louis: (yelling into the microphone) ARE YOU DONE YET I WANT TO SEE YOU OPEN IT! (Liam appears back on the camers) There you are.

Liam: (hauling the box in) Ooh I hope it's a puppy. (looks at the messy wrapping paper covered with old newspaper and tape) (sarcastically) Nice wrapping mate.

Louis: (squints eyes) Well excuse me I had to send it quickly so that you would get it earlier. Now open it.

Liam: (eyeing the wrapping paper) Okay I am, chill your beans woman. Why is it so huge? What is it?

Louis: (Jumping out of his seat) Lima bean. (watches as Liam slowly opens the wrapping paper and the box)

Liam looks at the gift inside.

Liam: (Happy and yelling) Oh my god! Louis this is so great! (smiling) This is so amazing. Finally I have one.

Louis: (Grinning) The one and only.

Liam: (Amazayned) Wow this is... (at loss of words) This is amazing. Wow. Thanks Louis. I thought you said you only had fifty bucks? This must have cost a lot.

Louis: (Shrugs) Let's just say I had help from a little friend.

Liam: (raises eyebrow) Oh well, I'm going to say its okay if you stole something just this one time because this is (sings) awesomeee!

Louis: I knew you'd like it. (yells) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

...

Louis: HEY! he got the present already

Harry: omg did he like it?!?!?

Louis: The idea was amazing. He absolutely loved the karaoke machine.

Harry: YAY! cheers

Louis: Thanks for helping me pick it out by the way. Who knew there were so many on amazon lol

Harry: oh it was my pleasure :)

...

turdy seven shades of niall: LOUIS

turdy seven shades of niall: LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON

Louis: uh oh

turdy seven shades of niall: WHY IS THERE TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS MISSNG FROM MY WALLET

Louis: well you see

Louis: i was in need of some cha-ching and your wallet was just deliciously sitting there and it was calling me and saying 'Louis look in me. I know you want to' and it was sending me these telepathic winks and it was pretty insane you need to give it some water because it is so thirsty

turdy seven shades of niall: no words

Louis: it's fine mi amor (french) I'll pay you back soon.

turdy seven shades of niall: *squints at you* mhmmm

//

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIAM MY SON. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. ugh I'm so sad you are turning 22
because you are like 17 in my mind but it is great to see how you've grown. Liam is such an amazing person and so kind, sweet, sexy (mhmm), and just perfect. I will always remember the great moments like daddy direction (I mean he still is bu in a different way wink wink) I love Liam so much and may he hae the best life/day/everything ever. Bless his beautiful soul.

Today this chapter is dedicated to none other than Liam himself because he obviously deserves it.

QOTC: What do you predict is happening/will happen with Sandy?

PQOTC: What is perfection?

AOTC: Liam. Liam is perfection.

PQOTC #2: What is your favorite movie?

AOTC #2: I would have to say either Interstellar (it is so magnificent in every way) and the first Shrek. That movie is just perfect.

P.S. At the moment there are 420 comments. Ayeeee. *passes blunt*

P.S. I'm just kidding kids don't do drugs or things like that they are bad and kill people and just terrible please. Don't do drugs do pugs and larry cuz' larry is life. k bye.