Vanessa's POV

It was around 11:30 pm and we were on the blanket, watching the night sky.

"How many stars do you think there are in the sky?" Grayson asked me, after a moment of silence.

"Probably a billion but I'm not gonna count them." I laughed.

"Infinity."

"What?"

"The stars. I don't think there is a million, there's more. And you can't count them because it's infinite." He said.

"Just like the love I have for you." He continued, smiling.

"That was so cheesy, gray." I said, laughing before straddling him. I looked him in the eyes. His brown eyes. His beautiful eyes. I get lost in them every time.

"Only for you." he said before leaning closer to me.

I smiled and kissed him. He kissed back and the kiss went from slow and passionate to a total make out.

I felt Grayson's hands on my back, playing with the zipper of my outfit. My hands were on his face and I made them traveled down his chest under his shirt.

But I had to stop things before it went too far. I wasn't ready. Not yet. Not after what happened. And it wasn't like we were in the middle of nowhere. I didn't want our first time to be in a field. No matter how romantic it can sound.

I broke the kiss and looked away.

"I can't.." I said, trying not to sound nervous, or cry.

"Wh- it's okay Nessa, we don't have to."

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready." I started to sob.

"Hey, look at me." He told and I didn't. "Ness, look at me."

I try to hold back my tears and looked him in the eyes.

"It's okay. We can take our time, there's no rush. I love you and I'll wait until you're ready, okay?" He said holding my hands.

I nodded and he wiped my tears with his thumbs.

"I need to tell you the reason. You need to hear it and I need to talk about it. I want to talk to you."

He nodded, signaling me he was listening. He squeezed my hands in his.

"When Roni and I turned 21, some of our friends threw a party. There was alcohol. Like a lot. But Roni and I aren't into this kind of stuff. Almost everyone was drunk and we weren't having any fun. There was this one guy, he was cute. We talked a lot. But then he disappeared and when he came back he was drunk too."

I took a deep breath.

"He tried to kiss me, and I pushed him away. I didn't want to do anything with this guy anymore. I went to the restroom upstairs and he followed me. I tried to lock myself inside but he was faster and way stronger than me. He kissed me again and forced me in the closest bedroom he could find. He pushed me on the bed and he-"

A sob escaped from my mouth.

"He tried to do things to me. I tried to push him away but he was too strong and his breath smelled like alcohol and it made me sick. I was screaming, telling me to get away from me but he wouldn't. Nobody heard. I guess everyone was too drunk to hear anything."

"Nessa, you don't have to-"

"He took off my clothes and I was naked under him. Powerless. Sober. He tried to-- the door opened a few minutes after and Roni came in. I felt so relieved to see her. She knocked him down with something. And we left." I was crying. "That was the worst night of my life. Worst birthday party."

I felt Grayson tense up as I talked. He looked upset. I can see his vein on his forehead.

"But he didn't- he didn't hurt you?" He said, anger in his voice.

"No. I guess. I'm okay." I shrugged. I was playing with his fingers, not looking in his eyes. I was ashamed.

"Hey, Nessa. You don't have to feel this way. I'm here now, and I'll never hurt you in anyway." He kissed my fingers. "Do you remember who this guy was? I swear if I find him..."

I nodded, "he doesn't deserve your attention. The day after everyone was gone, nobody witnessed anything. And when I asked my supposed friends about where he went and what he did to me, they defended him. Saying that he could never do that to anyone, that I just wanted attention."

"Does anyone know about this?"

"Roni, and you."

"You never told anyone?"

"Like who? I have nobody. I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't let people in. Because once they're in, it's easier to hurt me."

"What about me?"

"You were the only exception. I felt like I couldn't stay away from you. I felt a connection."

He smiled and kissed me.

"I wanna tell you something too."

"What?"

"hm, it's not as easy as I thought it would be to talk about it.."

"What's wrong? You can tell me anything."

"I've never done those kind of... Things."

"What do you mean?" I asked,
"You are.."

"I'm virgin, yes." He blushed.

"It's okay gray, I'm not here to judge you." I smiled and I kissed his cheek.

"Wanna go home?" He asked and I nodded, standing up.