D e s i g n e r | fatimaa- ⤴

(The cast in the banner above doesn't represent the cast of story).
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P R O L O G U E

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P A S T

TWO YEARS AGO

I was in my old bedroom at my parents house. It's been two years since I left this house and said goodbyes to this bedroom. But seems like life played with me, brought me all the way back to my old bedroom.

I never knew I'll be back when I ran off from my own house two years ago. I was blinded at that day. Blinded by thing called love--- which now I realized is nothing but a four letter word.

A meaningless four letter word.

I looked at the window. Darkness was all that there was outside. A few street lights were lit, but it seemed like the stars and moon weren't too much excited and happy tonight--- just like me.

I still remember when two years ago I jumped through this same window and as I remember it was night time, like it is now.

I jumped for him. I abandoned my family for him. I was naive. I thought I was in love.

Love? What is even love?

At that time I didn't know that this four letter word had no meaning.

We lived together for two years. In those years I always tried and tried to fix things between us, but what he did to me last week was unacceptable. It was inhumane.

After that, nothing was left to be fixed. The broken pieces of the relationship between us were countless and those pieces couldn't be fixed together in one piece--- ever again.

I'm glad that I'm back to my old bedroom. It's like I'm in heaven after being with him, or precisely--- to be held captive in a devil's den.

I was hugging the pillow tightly and had brought it closer to my heart.

Silly me thinking that this will make my tears stop and my pain ebb away. But it didn't and it still hurts the same way it did a few days ago. Not a single moment passed by when I felt happy or any decrease in my sorrow and suffering.

Over past two years he gave me nothing but pain, but what he did last week--- I won't ever forget it.

It seems like the physical pain has gone or if it hasn't gone it will end one day or another, but the emotional pain, I think it would be a miracle that it will ever end.

I sobbed once again, burying my eyes in the soft pillow, and then tried hard to not make any more of such sound that will make my parents more anxious.

They went through a lot and are still going through a lot--- all because of me.

I might've not sustained that terribly severe blow without the affection of my parents.

My parents saw me after two years and in such a bad condition.

I very well know what they're going through.

I want to say sorry to them. Sorry for leaving this house without telling them and never contacting them in two years.

Now finally they meet me after two years--- half-dead.

Even through I haven't stopped crying, but I try to keep my tears to myself and sometimes pretend to smile just to show my parents that I'm getting better, but truthfully I'm getting worse day by day.

How can I ever get better when I've stopped eating and lost my appetite. I take a few bites just to show my parents I'm recovering, but I know that now I don't like food. It's seems like, all of a sudden, every food has become taseless.

I remembered the time when I use to stuff my belly up with junk foods and when I grew up I got addictive to mommy's lasagne. But now it's all gone.

The taste has vanished.

He was a drunken fucker, but I never thought he would do such a thing to me.

It's been a week since that horrible accident, which wasn't an accident. It was him who did such a terrible thing to me.

I've been crying in my bed, wrapped around my pillow like a fetus from the moment I was brought to my parents after being discharged from the hospital.

Still I'm grateful that my parents had accepted me after what I did to them. After all the misery I gave them, they still saved me from him.

There's nothing more special and beautiful than parental love.

I tried to get up and decided to take a bath. At least I can pretend to look okay to help my parents get out of the regret.

They still blame themselves for all that happened, but I know that it was me. If only I've listened to them two years ago. They stopped me, but I was young and stupid.

Now I couldn't stay here and continue rest of my life like this--- crying in the bed.

I need to get up.

But what just happened to me last week was such a thing that sometimes I think of ending this life--- commit suicide or something like that. I just want an escape. 

No! Never even thing about such thing, Ava. Shrugging my head. I promised myself to never let this thought ever come to me ever again. Never.

He ruined your life, but don't let him ruin anymore of it. You don't deserve to die. There are people who care for you.

After gathering all these thoughts I was now able to get up from my bed.

When I got up I nearly collapsed back to bed.

Looks like physical pain hasn't totally gone.

I still managed to move to my dressing table and after so many days I looked at myself in the mirror.

I am a complete mess right now. 

My nut-brown hair were sticking out, to all places they could, making me look like a person whose been shocked by thousands of volts of electricity. In short--- a complete mess.

I need to shower.

My pale face was paler than before. The dark circles under my eyes quite visible--- more like I made those dark bags on purpose to go to one of Lady Gaga's concert.

I was looking worse than the vampires from Twilight Movie Series.

I let out a small chuckle and a tear managed to come out too.

A tear of joy maybe. I wiped it with the back of my hand and I noticed that I smiled after a very long time.

There were no chuckles, no happiness with that drunken fucker.

I gritted my teeth as he came to my mind. I felt a little pain in my head.

I can't shower today. Maybe tomorrow.

I quickly brushed my hair and pulled them in a ponytail. I looked once again at my reflection. At least now I like more like a human being.

I yawned as I moved to the bed.

I've been crying for so many days and haven't slept for more than three hours. I always put on an act of sleeping whenever mom or dad come in to see how I'm doing.

But today if I'm not showering, how about I get some genuine sleep.

And you really need one too.

As I lied down on the bed and covered myself with the duvet. The thought passed by me, 'He shouldn't have done that. Why he did that to me?'

Because he was mentally ill--- he is mentally ill.

He's still alive. Out there. When he should be behind bars. I have a right for my justice and I can only get that by giving him what he deserve--- misery.

Only my parents and yeah his whore that came with him last week know what he did.

THAT WHORE! I completely forgot her, when she was the real reason behind that day's incident.

No! I can't blame her. It was him. Only him.

I wonder where she is now. I didn't get to talk to her. After what he did, right in front of her, his hoe, I wasn't conscious to do something or say something.

But I do remember him running out of the house like a scaredy-cat. I hardly think he feels even a little hint of regret by doing that to me last week.

The next moment I found myself dropping tears.

Damn you tears.

I wiped them and after starring at my door for like centuries, I decided to put on some music.

I moved through my iPod music library and decided to play 'Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon.'

https://youtu.be/QhMmBlL81nw

I clicked on it and was about to raise the volume when I heard a noise coming from downstairs and I was certain that it was from kitchen, like someone accidently dropped some cutlery.

I decreased the volume of my speakers to the point that song was like a mild whisper. Like playing in some restaurants at the background.

What happened down in the kitchen?

Mom is so protective towards her kitchen accessories, she couldn't have dropped them and neither my parents have a cat nor I have any siblings.

"Mom!" I raised my voice as much as I could, hoping mom would reply back.

I just wanted assurance that everything was perfect downstairs, but then I looked at my door which was closed and my voice wasn't too loud, not that because I can't speak loudly but because I know it will hurt me, physically. So my mom probably haven't heard me.

Gathering all the strength I could I moved outside my room and to the stairs. I decided to go downstairs and make sure if everything was okay.

♣

Taking each step carefully I descended the stairs slowly.

I had just taken two steps when I felt a sudden pain in my head, like someone's drilling holes in my brain.

"Ah!" I groaned stroking my fore-head, trying to lessen the pain.

Seems like I'm still too weak. I decided to just move back to my room, it doesn't matter it could be just mom.

I moved to my room and closed the door behind me.

I was about to lie back on the bed when I noticed a note placed, on the side-table of my bed, beside the lamp.

I picked it up and read it,

"Hey honey, me and your daddy are at the Connors. We tried so hard to come up with an excuse, but you know Ella--- no one can say no to her. I would've told you a few days ago about the party, but I didn't want to wake you up. I've made you a sandwich, I hope you eat it this time. I know you're not eating. You can't deceive your mother, Ava. And yes we'll be back soon. So don't worry. I thought of waking you up and telling you that we're heading to Connors ,but you were asleep. Love you." -Mom.

Mom so I guess you caught my eating act, but I did fool you with my sleeping act.

I smiled at the note as I placed it back on the side-table.

My parents care about me so much and I want them to have fun.

The song completed and again started as it was on repeat. I moved towards my speakers to raise the volume, but then all of a sudden blood from my body seemed to drain completely when I realized something.

Oh my god! If mom's not home and is out at Connors with daddy then who was downstairs.

That noise which came from the kitchen!

I started panicking.

Calm down Ava. It's probably nothing.

How much I tried, I still I couldn't calm myself.

For once I though of just locking my room and all of the windows--- well, there was only one window.

But it wasn't a nice idea. I decided to take a look outside my room.

If it's who I'm thinking then locking the door won't be of any kind of help.

I decided to call my mom.

But what will I say to her?

As I called her, she picked up on the first try. I used to remember that there was a time when I would call for over ten times and then she picked it up. But now she was usually worried about me and I think that's why she picked it up so quickly.

"Honey! Is everything okay?" She asked and I knew she was getting worried.

Should I tell her and ruin the fun she's having?

"Nothing. I-- a --j-ust wanted to know--- when you'll guys return?" I lied and stuttered while telling it and now I thought I did the wrong thing by lying. I shouldn't have lied.

"Oh honey, you know Ella. She's making me stay here for her special desert. Can't say no to that lady." My mom continued telling, but I was not quite focusing on her. My focus was only on the voice downstairs. 

I shuddered while opening the door of my room. I peeked outside my room while standing beside my door, making sure it was clear outside.

What if he's here?

"Okay bye, mom," I said, trying to sound as normal as I could. Before cancelling the call I requested my mom, "Mom just make sure you come home early."

"Okay, honey, as you say." After this she ended the call.

I could feel my muscles tensing up, my body shaking. Just thinking about such a thing was scary.

I shook by head off of this thought.

He can't. He won't follow me here. He know what he did. He can't come back after what happened.

But who am I kidding, it's Ethan.

I finally built enough courage to move out of the door, well creep out of my room and closed the door behind me. When I was fully out, I decided to look around.

It's not a good idea, Ava, just move back to your room. I warned myself once again.

Once I was out I moved to the stairs and looked all around.

I didn't see anyone, surely I was making things up and overthinking about it.

I sighed with relief.

Thank god there was no one. Looks like I was just being frightened.

As I turned around to go back to my room, my eyes landed on the door of my room. 

The position of the door was rather odd.

I don't remember to open it even a little bit. I had closed the door behind me. I clearly remembered.

That feeling inside of me that was screaming at me and warning me that something's up, that feeling again started kicking back in.

I started wringing my hands in agitation.

Positive thoughts, Ava, positive thoughts. I kept repeating the mantra inside my head as I moved slowly and carefully towards the room.

I was halfway from the room when the song I just had on repeat, which was being played in the background started roaring and now I was sure that someone inside the room increased it's volume to the level that burst my ear drums.

I wasn't afraid about the music playing too loudly or it bursting my ear drums.

I was just afraid about one thing--- who's inside my house or to be precise, in my bedroom.

I might've never prayed for such a thing before, but now I wished that there was a robber in my house, or anyone except him.

I slowly stepped backward because that was the most wise thing to do.

I saw a figure emerging from my room.

"Ava!" he breathed looking at me.

In that split second, it felt like someone had just stabbed me in the gut.

All I could think of right now was one and only one thing, RUN AVA! RUN.

But it seemed like I was glued to the ground. The fear of him here, right in front of me was dreadful.

I took a step backward and then tried to run as fast as I could towards the stairs.

He grabbed my wrist and swirled me toward him harshly.

His blonde hair a mess. He looked ugly and pathetic. It was hard comparing him to the old Ethan. He now looked like a drunken piece of shit.

I wriggled and tried to escape his hold but despite his weakness because of drinking to much, I was still weaker than him and clearly couldn't escape from his hold.

His eyes were dark. I feared looking at him.

"Come back, Ava. Why did you leave me?" He said looking deep into my eyes.

I quickly moved my head the other way. The smell of cheap beer and alcohol he drank, made me want to throw up, but I controlled.

"After what you did, no one can come back to you!" I shook my arm forcefully, freeing myself off of his hold but I kept standing there facing him.

He frowned. Clearly he was frowing on how I stood in front of him.

My eyes were fixed on him, not blinking for once.

He growled and I can tell that this anger was getting higher and higher.

I once again looked straight in his dark eyes and hissed, "You are a piece of shit and nothing else."

With this I moved near the staircase when held back and stopped once again by him.

He held my both forearms as tightly as he could, making me wince with the pain he was inflicting on me.

I wanted to ask him to free me--- tell him that I'm hurting. But then I didn't want to prove myself as a weak person. I restrained myself and kept the tears inside my eyes and bit my inner lip as hard as I could.

I'm not weak.

He came near me, so near that I could feel the heat radiating from his body, making my surrounding warm and fearful.

He leaned down to meet my face and said with a smirk on his face, "This piece of shit is your husband and you know that."

I had had enough and I just couldn't take it anymore. How dare he called himself my husband. After what he did--- he didn't get any right to even call himself a human.

I freed myself from his hold and slapped him so hard on his face that it turned the other way, "You don't deserve to be called a husband--- right after the moment you----"

I was about to complete my sentence, making him remember what he did to me. But before I could, he slapped me back so hard making me trip down on the stairs.

I fell and my back kept colliding with each step of the stair.

I managed to stop by holding the sides of the stairs.

I stopped before the stairs ended.

There was so much pain. The pain of his slap on my face and pain that was in my back due to colliding with the stairs.

If it were the first time that he did such thing to me I would've be unconscious right now, but looked like maybe I was now strong enough to face his slaps or else he wasn't that hard this time.

He took slow steps as he descended from the stairs. Each step would make my frightened heart palpitate with a faster pace, making me more frightened. 

I stood from where I was lying in pain by the staircase. I was few steps away from the main entrance door.

He came closer and even though I could escape I stayed because the last time he had beaten me I passed out. I nearly died that day, but this time I wanted to say the thing that I wanted to say to him on that day.

"You are not a man. You can only hit women. You haven't got the balls to----" I said to him as he reached closer to me.

He didn't let me complete when he grabbed by hair and pulled them.

"Ahh!" I let out a cry.

"Are you testing my manliness!" He shouted and grabbing me from my hair, he hit me hard on the main entrance door, making my back hurt even more.

He clutched my sweatpants which I was wearing and tugged it so hard that it came off of me. I was now only covered in my loose t-shirt and underwear.

He reached for my underwear.

No! I can't let him sexually assault me anymore.

I wriggled to make him stop but he wasn't. I was weak and helpless.

I cried and shouted. He stopped his terrorizing touch on me, but only for a few seconds when he started again.

"No! Stop, Ethan! STOP." I begged him, my voice barely audible due to so much shrieking.

I never believed I would beg him, but I had no choice.

Why nobody in the neighborhood is listening to my cries. But then I heard the music which was still playing so loud that no one was hear my cries except Frank Sinatra's beautiful voice.

That's why he raised the volume so much.

But why is he doing this? When I told him I don't what to be with him after what he did.

"Ethan! I know there's still a human inside of you. Just stop!" I cried but this time he moved back. I thought he understood, but as his hands reached for his pants I knew exactly what he was doing.

No! Never!

I pushed him with all my might making a good distance between us as I keened him in his crotch making him fell down on the floor as he held his man-parts with pain.

I moved to him and looked down at him. I spitted on him and hit him in his stomach with my feet.

He groaned once again in pain.

I took my sweatpants and was about to slide them back on me when he grabbed my leg and pulled me, making me fall on the ground backwards.

My head collided with the floor.

He held my hands with his one hand and sat on me. His weight suffocating me.

He looked straight in my eyes and that moment I realized that he was so determined to hurt me. That moment I realized that he was a true monster.

One part of me always thought that what he did to me was an accident, but now I was sure that he didn't care what happened to me. He was a true devil and I was like a person whose soul he was here to take from.

He pinned me deeper in the cold wooden floor.

The terror that was in me was haunting.

"I don't even like to fuck you anymore. How about just kill you today--- end the story." He covered my throat with one of of his hands and started tightening it around my throat.

My eyes turned red. My face turning blue., I was out of oxygen.

But I didn't want to die. At least not today. I wanted to live. 

I gained enough strength and I freed my one hand. I pinched hard on his neck making his grip on my other hand loosen.

I freed my both hands and pushed him with all my might.

Ava you need to survive.

The voice behind my head gave me a little strength.

As he got off of me I didn't take another step in the house. I didn't care if I was half naked. I opened the door and escaped.

The San Francisco streets were chilly, but I didn't care.

I ran barefooted on the cold road and ran as fast as I could. I shouted and yelled for help.

I saw the neighbor's lights turning on and saw them rushing out of their houses.

As I ran at the center of the road, I saw a car rushing towards me.

My parents car!

The car stopped in front of me and my mom and dad came out.

I rushed and hugged my mom as tears invaded my eyes. I sobbed.

"I'm sorry honey! I'm so sorry for leaving you!" She cried with me as she apologized. Clearly she got that something happened to me from my appearance and shouting. I wanted to tell her that it's not her fault, but words weren't coming out. I was traumatized. 

He could've done that even in their presence and could've hurt them too.

She covered me with her shawl and I saw dad standing at a little distance with anger in his eyes.

I couldn't stop sobbing. Today I saw what death looked like and it was extremely terrorizing. Today I realized that I'm a weak, submissive girl. I realized that I couldn't protect myself.

But I never wanted to be like that anymore. I didn't want to be weak anymore. I wanted to be powerful and strong. To be able to fight and protect myself.

In no time I saw the streets roaring with---

Police cars.

Someone from the neighbourhood might've called them as almost all of the neighbors were out of their houses.

I sighed a breath of relief when I saw the police.

He tried to run but they arrested him. He had his hands tied to his back and two officers were steering him to their car. That was the last time I saw him.

I was standing at a large distance from him but he looked at me, straight in my eye like he wanted to say something. Something like revenge.

I knew he will come for me, not so soon but one day he'll return for revenge and I need to be prepared for the next time.

And I will be.

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N e x t :
1st Chapter.

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D e s i g n e r | me ⤴

(I didn't use this cover because I wrote incorrect spelling of 'nasty')

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