Before I begin the review, I want everyone to know I'm not a bully and that anything I criticize is not to offend or hurt the author. We are only trying to help. I hope you enjoy and learn from this review and please remember you asked us to do this.

His & Hers by NaTsuMe_SenJu

Reviewed by Chasing_Happy

First Impressions

Your cover seems alright! It could be a bit cleaner but it's quite eye-catching, so that's good!  

The title is nice. The first bit is simple, which is just my cup of tea, but after that, it's a bit long. However, it's understandable that you want to get a certain piece of information to potential readers.  Perhaps you could put that info before the description? This is just a minor detail, don't worry too much about it. I quite like the title! 

The description is a bit confusing but intriguing nonetheless. I like the fact that you took an excerpt from your story (probably a turning moment) and put it in as the description. It was very effective in capturing my attention and I'm sure that is true for many others. 

Plot and Structure: 

I enjoyed reading your prologue as it set the mood for the story and provided the readers with all necessary background information. The only pieces of criticism I have for it are that there were a couple minor grammatical errors and it was a tiny bit rushed. Both are minor issues and can be fixed with some editing (although I noticed you edited it just recently).

I actually really started to love this concept the more I read. The whole vampire thing you've got going on could've been very cliche but it was actually pretty interesting in the couple chapters I read. I especially loved the fact that Hinata and Sakura were wattpad friends, nice XD. 

There were very few grammatical errors, other than slight mistakes in the dialogue. You have to put a comma instead of a period in some pieces of dialogue even if it's a full sentence. For example, in your first chapter you had this bit of dialogue: "'Hinata, you're rambling.' Ino reminded." 

"Ino reminded" is not a full sentence so you have to make the period after "Hinata, you're rambling" into a coma, causing the quote to become "'Hinata, you're rambling,' Ino reminded."

This is a really small grammatical error but fixing it can make your book appear much more professional ^^ Just watch out for incomplete sentences!  

Another small thing: you don't really need to write an action after every piece of dialogue. You got a lot of back and forth going on with "Ino reminded", "Sakura replied", "Ino asked", "Sakura declared", etc etc. This isn't a grammatical error or incorrect in any way but it does cause a lot of repetition that mayyy cause the reader to get lost. I would say either lengthen the action to actually add something to the story (not too often though) or just keep the dialogue nice and simple. The readers can usually tell which character is speaking in a two-person conversation, you might need to just remind them every couple of pieces.

Again, this is a very small thing!!! 

Final Verdict:

All of the things I mentioned are very small details that could possibly improve your story, but trust me it's already very good! You're on the right path, just keep at it (: 

Just edit edit edit. Revision always helps and I can see you've already been doing that.

Also, all your chapters are pretty decently sized, which is more than I can say for myself :0

-Anna