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After I left the hospital, I decided to visit my moms grave that was a few cities away. I got on a train, took it there, and went to my moms grave.

I started talking to it like she was still alive. I told her about Natsu, and how he's lightened my world. I told her about school, and how its been going. I told her about the rapist who thanked me for opening up a new door for him. And I told her about dad... And how he might not be joining her in heaven. Even if he's dead.

The whole trip and talking to my mom was about 4 hours. Around 10 at night. Then I got back to Magnolia around 3 in the morning. I started walking to Natsu's place, but I was scared to. I've ignored all of his calls since the hospital. I never told him where I went afterwards. I didn't try to contact him in any way. 

My mind started going back to when I was going to shoot myself.

Flashback

"Would you shut up already! I love you! That won't change! I love you Lucy! I love how you share you feelings with me! I love how you smile! I love how your different! Understand that?! I love you, so don't you dare go killing yourself, because then I'd kill myself to be with you!" 

He had said

Flashback over

I started questioning if it was true. If he actually loved me, and if he would actually kill himself. My mind was getting confused, so I went to the park to clear my mind. I sat on an old bench as the breeze blew through my hair. It was now 6 in the morning, and I was really tired and hungry.

I got up after an hour of thinking, and went to a small cafe. I ordered some bagels and a glass of water. I looked over the texts and voice mails Natsu left me while I ate.

Voice mail from: Natsu                                                                     "Where are you Lucy? The lady at the hospital said that you left."

Text from: Natsu                                                                                   'Lucy?! Where the freak are you?! Please come home!'

Text from: Natsu                                                                                   'Please Lucy. Come home. I can't find you anywhere.'

Voice mail from: Natsu                                                                      "Please Lucy! I... I can't find you anywhere, and I don't know what to do! Please Lucy. Just come home."

That was the last one I got. After that, I felt bad, and sorta like an idiot. It was now 9 in the morning, so I decided that I was about time to go home.

I took the way that passed my house. I would be moving back here today, so I might as well spend as much time with Natsu as I can.

I got to the front door at 10 and pushed it open. It was surprisingly unlocked, but then again, they probably hoped that I'd be coming back.

I didn't see anyone, or hear anything. I figured that they were all gone to work and school. 

I walked up the stairs and wanted to see if Natsu stayed behind. I knocked on his door then opened it. He indeed skipped school today, and was laying in his bed with his back towards the door. I walked over and sat next to him. I slowly leaned over and poked his face. He immediately turned over and pulled down onto his bed, not letting me go.

I guess I need to stop questioning if he loves me or not.