11:39 PM

A different cashier rings up my items at the register, constantly checking her watch. I imagine she's ready to shut this place down so she can participate in the evening's festivities. I feel her excitement. Although I won't be partying till I'm on my knees praying to the porcelain gods, I do have plans to fairy godmother the shit out of someone's New Year's Eve. 

That's right! I'm going to Beauty instead of Beast, tonight. I've come to realize nachos will never be able to stuff me with genuine happiness, but they can be the serendipitous magic needed to momentarily fill a hungry family's void.

"$74.74," the impatient cashier mumbles--a forced, half curled lip smile punctuating her annoyance of having to ring me up. 

I dig through my wallet and hand the Brash-Sneer Cashier my brand new credit card. She rocks the card back and forth between her fingers to admire its reflective surface, then frowns when she notices the back.

"Driver's license," The Sneer mumbles again flashing the unsigned card at me. "Management says we can't process cards without signatures. They're not valid unless signed."

"Oh! I must've forgotten to sign it. I just activated it a couple days ago."

"Mmm, hmm," she responds.

I dig through my wallet, frantically searching for my government issued identification. The spot where I last shoved it is now empty. I scour every nook and cranny in my wallet. I rummage through my grocery sack. I even fumble inside the pocket of my sweatshirt. Nothing. My driver's license is gone.

"I had it," I reassure The Sneer. "I was just in here. Do you remember me? I was here just a couple minutes ago?"

"Nope," she replies flatly. "I'll need identification to process this amount."

So much for being a miraculous ambassador of the Universe. Five minutes in, and I've already been fired as the heroine.

"Hey!" a breathless voice shouts from behind me, accompanied by a rhythmic slapping sound that makes my heart flutter. "There you are!"

I turn to meet the stare of those two deliciously blue gumdrops and a warm licorice smile. Holding up my driver's license, the Ginger Head Man announces, "I ran as fast as I could. I found your driver's license in the snow on the sidewalk!"

My face lights up like a lonely woman who has just heard the microwave ding to signal the readiness of a giant plate of nachos. "Thank you!" With a driver's license now in hand, The Sneer processes my purchase while Ginger Head Man waits patiently by the exit. 

As I'm gathering my newly purchased items, I encounter an overlooked dilemma. How the hell am I going to transport all these items back to my condo? Clearly I should've remembered I walked here before making so many awkward purchases.

"Do you need some help with that?" Ginger offers.

"No. I got it," I snap back instinctively—decades of being on my own elevating my independence to a whole new level of stubbornness.

"Are you sure?" he insists.

"Totally have things under control," I reassure him as I stuff the roses into one of my snow boots like a funky, fleece-lined vase. "Once I drop this bag off at that car, everything should be under control."

I can be like MacGyver when it comes to solving a problem. This situation is no different. Turning my oversized sweatshirt around so the hood sits on my chest like a kangaroo pouch, I slip the kitten inside the makeshift pocket. Pajama pants tucked into snow boots, I use one boot as a vase and the other as a compartment for the two small cans of cat food and pet shampoo. In one arm, I hold the fixings for nachos. Squeezed tightly under the armpit of my other arm is the bag of kitty litter. With my free hand, I secure the kitten against my body. Add to this imagery a make-up free face, knot of frizzy hair sticking out in every direction on the top of my head and a not-so-shower-fresh feeling—and you've got yourself an unconventional princess. Very unconventional.

"No, really," Ginger urges. "Let me hold some of that while you make your delivery. You could slip and fall on the ice otherwise."

I observe Ginger skeptically. His assumption about my clumsiness on a slippery parking lot surface is spot on.

He puts his hands in his coat pockets and shrugs, eyeing me shyly through his eyelashes. "I promise I won't steal the kitten's food and litter."

Fucking. Cute. I have to battle a smile off my face while holding down a giggle in restraints, because he can't know I like him. The Goldilocks Dating Hex. If he knows I'm attracted to him, any interest he might've had towards me will vanish. I must stay calm, cool and unavailable.

"Fiiiiiiiiine."I hand Ginger the litter, pet shampoo, roses and cans of cat food. Then together, we walk out of the grocery store.    

*********NACHO BREAK********* 

Raise your hand if you'll MacGyver (80's TV show character who could solve almost any crisis with a roll of duct tape) a way to carry in 12 bags of groceries at once instead of making 2 or 3 trips to the car? [slowly raises hand]

Votes & comments are the serendipitous magic for Wattpad Authors. Please press that star. Thank you for your kindness! Muah!

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