Judge: luciferspinkwings

Contestant: AngelGoldieReal

Title: Tu mera humsafar season 1

Genre: Romance

Score: 0.75/5

Review:

Title/cover/description - I have no idea what the title means or even which language it is, but that does make it somewhat intriguing in a way. I really love your cover as well, it seems to fit and give it this 'other cultural feeling' over it.

Your description does need some work though. There are grammatical errors in pretty much every sentence which makes it hard to read and determine just what exactly you are trying to say. If English is not your first language, you should get an editor (or a program like Grammarly and maybe even Microsoft Word) to help you with editing it.

The beginning - I have no idea what it says. I'm not even entirely sure if it is English... some words are English, like 'he took the', but there are a lot of unfamiliar words (and even more mistyped words) as well. I was honestly struggling with even the prologue/into with understanding what it says - I did not entirely manage in doing so and I am left pretty confused.

Some parts are written as if writing a movie script (which is okay, I've seen more stories like that) but the rest? I don't even know. Your capital letters and sentence structure are all over the place and it is honestly just lazy writing. It gives your story a highly unprofessional feeling.

Instead of 'n', please use 'and'. Also, it is 'with', and not 'wid'. It is 'for' and not 'fr'. I don't know if they are all typos, if you do it on purpose, if you are mocking others, or if you simply don't notice it; but please, please, please read your story over properly and have an editor (preferably a native English speaker or somebody who is just very good at the language) look it over for you before you press the 'publish' button.

The detail - There is basically no detail in this story/script. Where are the emotions? Where is the description? Where is everything?

I would highly recommend you to look at your story as if it was a movie. You are the one holding the camera and simply describe what you see. What clothes are they wearing? What about their sceneries? Think about the five senses when describing, well everything; touch, sight, smell, hearing & taste. It helps in painting a more vivid image for your readers.

Character development - This one is hard to judge because I barely understand what it says and it's just basically impossible to read around the countless typos/errors. There also is barely any description and emotions, so I shall leave this part blank for the rest.

Tips: DESCRIBE your characters. Give them emotions and feelings to make them more tangible and realistic. Put dialogue and description. Give each character their own voices and (maybe) thought lines. Give them flaws and fears and everything every real person has. (I'm pretty sure you already have some stuff covered, or I hope so at least, but because I can barely read this story it is hard to say for sure...)

Grammar/spelling - This is pretty much covered throughout the entirety of this review so I shall leave this short..... Get an editor. Properly read over your story. Edit it and edit it again. Maybe, if you have the time/patience/money, follow an English course. Read A LOT of ENGLISH stories and look at how those (preferably published) authors write their words and sentences and LEARN from it.

About the capital letters: the only things written in capital are pretty much names (either person, city, month, or country/continent), the first word of a sentence, the word 'I' (as in 'I am a girl' - for example).

Plot - No comment. Pretty much already covered.

Miscellaneous - Most of the time I have no idea what the story says. It's like trying to solve an extremely difficult puzzle, not in the fun way, to even understand what the words mean. This story still needs a lot of work and even though it says 'completed' in the title, it is FAR from completed. The idea of the story, a love in another culture, is very fascinating though and a great and truly intriguing story can come from it. I don't see many stories like that so it has a lot of potentials. It just needs some more work.

Greetings,

luciferspinkwings