Judge: luciferspinkwings

Contestant: vishwajayawardhana

Title: Never be the same

Genre: Romance

Score: 1.02/5

Review:

Title/cover/description - I like your title and cover. It seems to fit with the story from what I gathered from the description. The cover is interesting enough to captivate a possible reader's interest and it overall gives the reader a good idea of what to expect from this story.

The description though definitely needs some more work. Put simply, a description is like an introduction to the story itself. There are thousands of stories on Wattpad, and if your description is not good, people won't even bother reading your story - no matter how captivating your plot or characters might be. A description is supposed to put your reader on an edge in a way, make them want to read more and to know what's going to happen in the story. It's supposed to raise questions in a readers mind. This description? It left me rather cold if I have to be brutally honest.

I would recommend you to at least make sure the grammar is perfect. There are a lot of punctuations missing and a lot of words are mistyped or in the wrong place, which not only disrupts the flow of the sentences but also gives an overall unprofessional feeling. In a few sentences or a few paragraphs, try to aim for a good description and understanding of your story. Your reader needs to know what's going to happen (without you spoiling any important events of course!) and you need to convince them to press the 'read' button to continue reading your story instead of simply clicking it away and looking for something else to read!

The beginning - First of all, how can one describe a scenery as beautiful and gorgeous when the sunlight is 'crashing into their eyes'? Shouldn't they be blindly stumbling around as they are trying to find their way? Instead of simply stating 'beautiful' and 'gorgeous', I would simply leave those words out and DESCRIBE it instead. What is it that makes the scenery so beautiful and gorgeous? Is it maybe how the sunlight reflects off the water droplets on the leaves, creating a halo of light? The green of the trees or the luminous blue of the sky? I'm just going to say the famous quote: 'Describe not tell.'

Detail - While I understand what you are trying to do here, this story is missing in a lot of details. It is going way too fast. One second your mc is on the road and the next she's at the hospital. Be more descriptive about what happens in-between.

The car crash with the boy also seems unrealistic. Where are the screeching tires? The shocked exclamations from bystanders? The startled yelp from the boy himself and of him dropping to the ground after being hit? The blood pooling around him? Instead of simply saying 'BOOM', you should describe the actual scene in detail and with emotion.

Talking about emotion, is your mc capable of feeling in general? When the car crashed into the boy she was simply standing there until the last moment when she randomly and out of nowhere went over to him. There were no emotions and it was rather flat. What does she FEEL when she saw the boy get hit? How does she react to all that blood? What are her thoughts? She kinda comes across to me as a shard of ice. When people read stories, most readers want something they can relate to with the characters, I did not have this. I was kinda left grasping for water with my bare hands and watching it slip through my fingers, out of reach.

Simply stating stuff instead of describing them and leaving out pretty much all detail is called 'lazy writing', which is the last thing one would want as an author. Describe the scenery. Describe the emotions. Describe the actions your characters make. Describe their thoughts and motives. Make your story real.

Something which always works for me with writing description is to imagine it as a movie. You are the one holding the camera; what you see through the lens are the scenery and the characters. Describe what you see so your audience is able to visualize it as well as yourself.

Character development - The characters come across as flat, unrealistic, and two-dimensional. There is no depth in them; no soul-bearing. A reader should be able to somewhat determine the character of the mc during the first chapter. I am unable to do so. Know your characters as well as you know yourself/your best friend and bring them to life in your story. (with all the tips I named above this paragraph you should be able to manage)

Grammar/spelling - Most of the time I have honestly no idea what I am reading. Your sentences are a mess and it's like I need to solve a puzzle to understand what it says.

While I don't know if you are a native speaker or not, or your age, I would highly recommend you to get an editor. Or if you don't want to, for whatever reason, start writing in Microsoft Word. It's what I do as well; Word has a built-in grammar and spelling check and even a Thesaurus. I would also recommend Grammarly. It's a handy phone app and site which points out your grammatical errors and mistyped words for you - it can also be downloaded in Word so you can have everything in one place if you prefer.

Ask for a lot of reviews and feedback on your story as well, and learn from it. Listen to the advice you get or you will never improve. Keep practicing and write every day to improve your skill. And read A LOT. Look at how other authors (preferably published) write their stories and sentence structures and learn from them.

Plot - The plot idea overall is not bad. Perhaps a bit overused, so if you want your story to stand out more, you have some work to do. There is nothing wrong with writing an overused story plot, but you need to search for your own elements, your own style and voice and to apply it in your writing. For next to a good description and cover, you would need captivating characters and description. This story can go a lot of ways, it's up to you though what this way will be.

Miscellaneous - There are many phases of writing. This story is still the draft. While there is nothing wrong with that, it still needs to go through the long and many editing and rewrite phases every good story has. And I repeat the famous quote here as well. 'Describe not tell.'

Greetings,

luciferspinkwings