CHAPTER 06: 1/1 TRUST

__________________________________

"I am strong... I will do whatever it takes.
...just to be happy."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I'm sorry.."

-Jennie.

__________________________________

(Play the song👆while reading this For a better experience.)

JENNIE POV.
All i ever wanted is to be happy. To be normal, even.

'Am i asking too much?'

I slowly slide down on the floor with flowing tears. I sob quietly as my mind is still in maze, in frenzy.

'How am i going to tell V? How am i gonna face him again?'

I want to forget what i learned earlier. I regret to help V find yuna. I regret everything i did. I hate myself for even existing. I wish i can turn back time when i still in the orphanage and hide from sebastian.

For the first time, i want to disappear. I want to hide from life. Once again, i am thrown to drown in the vast ocean. But this time, i refuse to swim.

'Milord is right. We, assassins, don't need friends. They are just nothing but burden.'

I slowly stand up, holding on the counter to balance my weight.

'I won't tell V...yet. I'll see first who killed yuna.'

I struggle to breath. The truth is suffocating me. Not to mention that hiding a secret is making me lose my mind. I harshly wipe my tears with the sleeve of my sweater.

'I'm going to face V like nothing happened.'

But my heart squeezes on that thought. I feel disgusted to myself. I can't accept the fact that am an assassin, just like the person who killed yuna.

'This...will be the last time i'm going to see V.'

A tear escaped from my eye from that thought.

'I'll...forget that i even have a friend. I'll forget out memories.'

My heart squeezes painfully.

It's hurt.
It's fucking hurt.

I don't want that to happen. I actually want to stay by his side and laugh with him. I want to make him happy and make him feel that he's not alone. Another voice inside of me spoke up.

'What do you think will happen to V if you leave him? There's no more yuna who'll come to him. He'll be all alone! He might even attempt to jump off that building again!'

With that though i burst again in tears.

'I don't know what to do!'

The guilt is killing me. I cry loudly, letting out all of my sorrows. I clutch my heart tightly. I've never been this hurt before that's when i knew, the walls i built to protect my heart has been shattered

But V wasn't the one who wrecked it, it's me, myself. I broke down the walls around me to let V in now that i broke down the walls, i become vulnerable. I hug my knees close to me as i sniffle.

'I don't want V to hate me if i tell him the truth.'

Just then... a crazy thought popped in my mind.

'What if i lie to him? What if i told him that yuna died in an accident? Ah! I'm a nurse, right? I'll tell him that she went to the hospital i work to have a surgery. But she didn't make it? That's right! I don't have to tell him truth!'

At this moment, i am out of my mind. I don't really know what to do anymore.

'Ahh, the things i do for V.'

I chuckle.

'I don't have to feel bad. I've killed countless of people already so why should i feel bad?'

I nod to myself as i walk outside to my flat. I walk down the stairs lifelessy, like a zombie. My mind keeps telling me to just lie to him. I look up at V with my empty eyes. V immediately notice my presence and grins widely.

'Fuck...'

That's when i completely broke down.

'I can't...I can't lie to him.'

I stop from my track.

'I'm sorry...'

A traitor escaped from my eyes, one after another until they're unstoppable.

'I'm sorry for everything.'

I look down, my tears blocking my sight. V noticed why i am not coming any further towards him flashes a worried face.

"Jennie?" His voice sounds so concerned that it's making me guilty.

"...yeah?" I managed to answer, trying not to sound okay.

"Is there something wrong?" I bite my lower lip.

'Everything is so wrong, V...'

"...no."

'Please wake me up from this nightmare.'

A single silent sob that escaped from mouth didn't fail to reach V's ears. He knew something is wrong. He stands up from the swing and walk towards me silently. I failed to know that he is right beside me until he engulfs me with a warm hug.

"Are you okay?" I didn't hesitate to shake my head.

"Everything is not okay, V!" I finally admitted. I let the sobs come out, not holding back. I try to push him away. But he only clings to me even more.

"Calm down, Jennie." I shook my head.

"I can't..." I said weakly, my knees giving up. He manages to support my body to keep me standing.

"Get away from me." I shout at him.

"What?" He looks at me in confusion.

"W-what are you talking about?" I just cry and cry i don't want this to come. I want him to be happy just a minutes but i can't, Yuna is dead how can i tell him that, that the one who he is waiting is dead. His waiting for nothing.

I don't want him to hurt. I want to quit this job but how. How can i quit when sebastian don't let me go. He didn't let me go and i don't know why. I just want to be happy with V.

And live happly with him. I want my freedom. But he didn't let me have my freedom, he have my life and i can't do everything about it.

"I'm a bad person. V..." I said as I was crying nonstop. "Please...stay away from me."

I plead. I try to push his arms, but he grabs my hands instead. His face is all serious determine.

"You are not a bad person, jennie and i will stay by your side no matter what you say." He said firmly but i just shook my head.

"I killed the man in that picture!" He freezes and his grip softend a little. I noticed that gesture which makes my heart squeeze painfully.

"Mr. Soo? I killed that man!" He stares at me,

unmoving.

"And you know it, right? You were there when i killed him..."

I trailed off.

"Right?" I look at him with desperate eyes. A part of me wishes he didn't but it's all too obvious he did.

"Yes..." He said under his breath.

"He is the man you mentioned before? The man who took you in?"

"Yes..." but then the tight grip on me return back and he looks at me deeply.

"And we both knew he's bad person."

It's my turn to freeze.

"I know you only kill bad person. And you killed him i should be thanking you instead of hating you. You saved me." He gives me a gentle, warm smile.

"You're not a bad person." I stare at his eyes as he brings up a hand to caress my face.

"I'm an assassin." I addmitted.

"I don't care." He still has this adoring look as his hand gently cups my face. But i push his hand away.

"You're a witness. You saw me killing someone and if someone saw us like that, that someone need to be dead too."

"I didn't saw you." He smiles softly.

"Yes, i was there but i didn't saw you." My eyes widen.

"So therefore, you can't kill me. And i know you won't." I stare at his face, wondering.

'Why is he still kind to me? I'm a killer! Why is he still accepting me?!'

My lips began to tremble.

___

"Ms. Nun! Jennie killed the cat!"

"No i didn't...!"

"She did it! She's a murderer!"

"I'm not!" I sob and cover my face with my small hand. Everyone look at me with fear and nobody want to go near me.

"Killer!"

"NO!"

___

'So, why? Why is he sticking up to me?'

Without thinking, i pull his arms and hug his body tightly. I wailed loudly on his shirt as V stroke my hair soothingly.

'Let me hug you one last time. You may still accept me now, but not until you know about yuna.'

"I'm here. I'll be always here." I shook my head.

'Don't. Don't say that...'

"V..." I said with all seriousness, pulling away from him.

"Now that you know who i really am, then i guess i should also tell you this..."

I sad quietly as took a step backwards. He only looks at me with waiting eyes.

"I have a clue where yuna is..." His expression cheered up, but when he noticed my tone he can't help but be bothered.

"W-where?" He shuttered.

"She's...deep underground."

"What?" He flashed me a puzzled look.

"Dead." My heart is beating fast as i say that words.

"She was a witness. Just like you." I study his reaction. He's just looking down with an unreadable expression.

"She's dead?"

"Yes..." i said barely audible. I pursed my lips. I looked down, scared to look at his reaction.

There's a moment of silence.

"How long?"

"I-I don't know yet." I muttered.

Silence.

Unable to bear the silence, i take a peek at his face. He's still looking down, but tears are running down his face.

"I've been waiting for her for six years." He said with a bitter smile on his face. His voice is shaking a little.

"I can finally go out ever since you killed that man. Since then i'm always here waiting for yuna." Then that smile turns into a trembling one.

"Turns out i was waiting for no one."

"I'm sorry."

I can felt my heart crushing into pieces. I can feel the pain in his voice. I can see how hard he's trying to stop his body from trembling. He licks his lips then purses them.

"You didn't kill her, right?"

"No!" I replied desperately. I want to reach up to him to wipe his silent tears, but i can't, i feel small. I feel pathetic. I feel like i am in no place to talk to him anymore.

"THEN WHO?!" I flinch when his tone starts to rise.

"I-I don't know..."

"Why?! Why do they have to kill her?!" He starts to get furious.

"She's the only one i have!" He whimpers as he covers his eyes with his arm

'I'm here...'

"Now, what am i gonna do?!"

'I'm here to help you.'

He cries loudly as he crumbles into the ground.

"YUNA!!!" I bring my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs.

"Why?! Why?! WHY?!" He bawls uncontrollably.

"V..." i weep. His body is shaking frantically.

"KIM YUNA!!" He shouts hyterically as he punches the ground. I can't take it anymore and kneel in front of him. I wrap my arms around his shaking shoulder. He pushes me but i won't let him go.

"I'm here." I cried hopelessly.

"I'm still here, please don't forget that V." I envelop him in my arms, sinking my face on his neck.

"Please..."

I don't even know what i am pleading for. Eventually, he returns my hug and squeezes me even tighter. I caress his back as i feel his racing heart. He wails in my arms as he become vulnerable and weak in front of me. He cries and cries, letting out all of his grieving.

My heart would squeeze in misery whenever he would call out yuna's name. I can't help but to think that yuna must really mean a lot to V.

I start to wonder if V will cry as hard as he is now when i disappear.

'No, impossible.'

I smile sadly. My eyes are already hurting from crying, but i still have many tears left. My heart is starting to feel numb. I don't know what to feel now. I am starting to get numb from the pain. After a while, V starts to calm down as his body bagan to relax in my arms.

He slowly slips out of my arms and sit on the ground. I stare at his void expression. He just sat there, motionlessly.

"Jennie..." i didn't answer him. I just stare at him. Waiting for him to continue.

"I don't really hate you but..." His voice is hoarse to his cries. He raise his head. His lips slowly formed a troubled smile.

"I hate that person who killed yuna."

"I know."

"I can't accept the fact that you're like the perso---animal who killed Yuna." I gulp thickly.

"I...me too." I heave a sigh.

"I'm planning to go to our hideout tomorrow. I'll see what i can find about yuna, and also."

'I want to quit my job. It won't be easy, i mean they might kill me but i'll try to survive.'

"V." i call out to his name with urgency, making him turn to me.

"This might be our last meeting." His eyes widen.

"What...no!"

"I mean, i will go see you, but not here. Not in public." He frowns slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I've got something very important to do. I can't risk getting you involved." He reached out and grabs my hands with a gloomy expression.

"When will we meet? And where?" I smile to see that he still cares for me. After everything.

"I come to you. All you need to do is to stay in your place. I promise you. I won't leave you." I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back making me smile softly.

"I'll wait for you." He looks very worried but he tries to hide it.

"I promise you I'll come back to you." His face finally brakes into a rest smile.

"Jennie, if we meet again..." He trailed off. A small blush is visible in his cheeks.

"...can we go somewhere far? Somewhere peaceful and safe, just the two of us." He looks at me eagerly. Suddenly, the dream i had recently flashes into my mind. I pull my hand from him and link my pinkies together.

"I promise."

'Fine, i won't ask or hope to be happy anymore, i will find a way to be happy.'

Once again, i found a reason to swim and breath.

"I guess this is our...temporary goodbye." V nods. I try to pull my pinky, but he grips it.

"Wait. I want to tell you something..." he looks at me with determination.

"Since you already confessed about your really identity. I will also confess mine." I frowns at him.

"What do you mean?"

"My name is not V. It's Kim taehyung." He looks apologetically at me.

"From the beginning, I know what your identity is. I guess I'm afraid of telling you my real name." I stare at him with slightly agape mouth.

"Y-you...knew? From the start?" He nods.

"Your scent when you killed Mr. Soo...and i can smell different smell of blood from you every week." I chuckle.

"I guess we were both hiding something from each other."

"Is there enything you're still hiding? Like i said earlier, no matter what. I'll always be by your side." I shook my head.

"There's no more. How about you?" He smiles genuinely.

"No more..."

I can't help but smile gratefully ay him. I thought that once i reavel my real identity, he will run away from me. That he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. Bu he's still here, in front of me, smiling sincerely.

"I-I'm so glad i have you...Taehyung." I smiled sweety.

"Me too. I'm forever grateful to you for stopping me from killing myself." The atmosphere turns calm. Unlike earlier that was intense and heated, now it's serene and quiet.

It's just earlier when i am crying my ass off and almost on the verge of insanity, now i am smiling like all of that didn't happened. But i am still worried about taehyung.

'He might be smiling, but i know he's still hurt about yuna.'

I swore to myself that i would do everything to find that person who killed yuna. After a moment of comfortable silence, i spoke up.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah."

"You must really like her that you..." I trailed off, realizing what i am saying.

'Of course he likes her, you dumb killer.'

"I've been thinking actually, i think the reason i keep waiting for her is because i want company. I want a friend. I want to have someone and our promise is my only hope . She's like an older sister to me. I am very, very lonely when i heard that she died, but i think one of the reason of my outburst is because i though that...all of the effort i made was all for nothing."

The corner of his mouth tugs upward, forming a wry smile.

"God knows what hardship i went just to find this place. The amouth of getting lost. Sleeping on the cemented floor, scars and bruises i had was all for nothing."

He lest out a shaky breath. He clears his throat.

"But..."

I look at him questionably when his tone changed.

"...i guess i wouldn't meet you if i didn't go all through that."

He tilts his head to the side as he leans backwards placing his hands on the ground to support his weight.

"Maybe you are the person i was destined to meet with. After all, yuna said "if you went there earlier than me, who knew, you might already found someone who's even more special than me"."

He looks at me intensely. His is gaze piercing throught my soul. I feel tense under his heavy gaze.

"I guess i found that 'someone who's even more special than me'." My breath hitched. I suddenly can't move as i feel locked under his stare.

"I will wait for the time when we'll meet again, Jennie."

I didn't know that a tear is sliding down on my face as i look at him.

"I..."

'I will miss you, Taehyung.'

"I will miss you." He said and that struck my heart. I can't help but to crawl over to him and push up his bangs. I lean in and place a kiss on his forehead.

"Me too." I murmur against his forehead and i feel taehyung wrapping his arms around my waist.

Now that there's no more supporting his balance. We softly feel down on the ground. I am on top of him. I didn't mind my new position as i just rest my head on his beating heart. There are still many things i want to say to him. But i held back, thinking that i'll just say those once we meet again.

The cloud is gray and dark for now. It might rain a little or a lot. But there's always a rainbow after a rain.

______________________________