Maddox's POV

Five.

It's been five days since I have learned the truth of my brother. Five days since I have felt anything remotely happy. Five days since I have really communicated with anyone. Five days since I have left my house. Five days... of my mind feeling utterly lost. 

Everyone deals with loss in their own way. Some avoid it, not recognizing the loss until it festers and rots from within til you implode. Some seek to remember only the good memories allowing them guidance through the hardship of the loss while elating light in the dark. Some, like me, can't seem to wrap their head around it. It is not that we are avoiding it or remembering it, It is our mind still trying to grasp it. 

I know he is gone. I know Sammy is no longer with us... but my mind... is stuck. I haven't broken down, I haven't cried. I haven't truly grieved the loss of my brother. I can't seem to understand how to feel about this. I can't cry the way I know I am supposed to. 

Coach has been informed by my parents. He's come to visit and told me to take some time off. My team mates learned of the truth and have come over to visit as well. My mother comes by daily to check on me. My dad has come by for a beer a few nights. Cass has only come by once and couldn't handle seeing me in my state. Luke has stopped by everyday after practice to talk... to tell me about the team and to try making conversation... It hasn't worked. 

My only anchor right now seems to be Zethora. She leaves for training in the morning and when practice ends, she comes directly here. Her coach was told what happened... I don't know if it was by Z or her uncle but he knows and has been lenient on her hours of practice right now. 

She doesn't force me to talk. She allows me to just... be. Most nights, she would make dinner, if my mother doesn't bring it over with my dad, and we would curl up on the couch where she wouldn't say anything but just pull me to lay with her. Her fingers gently grazing my face, my neck, or my hair. I relish in it... her attention, her care, her love. She has no idea but she is what is keeping me moving right now. Not my sport, not my parents or sister, but her. 

Five.

Five days is long enough to not know what to feel and it has finally happened. My mind convincing my body to feel the sorrow for my brother. My Sammy, who will never experience his own epic love story... his own family... or grow old and pass at a proper age. And it hit me like a fucking freight train. My body jolting up in the darkness of the room.

"Maddox! Maddox I'm here." 

That voice, that siren voice keeps me from falling into oblivion, from turning to the darkness within me. Her strong arms holding me as my body rakes with uncontrollable shaking. My sobs echoing in the four corners of the room. My tears falling down and dampening my shirt that lays on her. She turns on the bedside light before pulling my head to her chest. The notion she has done everyday this week. She continues cuddling me as I finally let go. The grief causing my 260 lbs of muscle to turn into a shaking mess upon my girl. Her grasp firm as she continues being my anchor... my light. 

"Zethora, he's gone." 

She doesn't say anything for a minute but when she does, she speaks softly. 

"I know..." 

Fox nudges my legs trying to comfort me. I know my friend wants to help but I can't even consider moving away from my sweetheart. She knows this so she reaches down rubbing Fox on the head for me. She allows my entire weight to lay upon her as my arms continue engulfing her waist to my chest. My lower half laying between her legs and my head laying on her chest allowing her heartbeat to be my source of comfort. To be my calmness in the storm brewing within me. 

"Sugar, he will always be with you." 

I lift my head allowing her to see my bloodshot eyes. She gives me a reassuring smile while wiping at my tears and cupping my face. 

"He lives on within the memories he has created... with you, with Cass, and your parents." 

I push forward so I can kiss the only thing that matters. Her lips against mine causing my racing heart to match hers. Mine slowing down and my muscles relaxing under her care. Our lips continue moving against each others with no desire to deepen it. This kiss is solely for comfort, to breath life into me. 

"I'm here sugar." 

I lay my head back down on her chest listening to her rhythmic heartbeat and allow the tears to continue gently roll down my cheeks. Her words bringing me solace. I am beyond fucking grateful for her. I love her, there is no fucking doubt in my mind that she is my future. 

The next morning being the day of the burial. My brother's remains would have arrived at the funeral late yesterday to be ready for today. It will be a closed casket ceremony where a group of military personal will handle his coffin. 

I sat on my bed completely solemn while Zethora tied my tie around my neck. Her black dress looking so different to her normal sweats she is constantly in. Her shoes perfectly matching the dress while her hair is down in soft waves. Her eyes searching mine as she kneels down in front of me. 

"I will be with you every step of the way." 

I take a shaky breath and grip her hand nodding. She stands back up gently pulling me up as well. We make it to the funeral home with Zethora driving. Her hand consistently locked within my own. Her other hand gently rubbing my arm. She guides me into the building where I can feel my heart beat accelerate... knowing what is to be expected within this place. She takes it slow and my eyes don't veer away from the wooden box with an american flag laid upon it. I grip Zethora's hand and she automatically stops as I take it in. The flowers aligning it and the photo of my brother dressed in his dark blue uniform standing beside it. 

"Son." 

I can't pull my eyes away as my mother walks up to us. She hugs me and Zethora pulls slightly away. I grip her hand refusing to let her go... I need her. My mother lets go before stepping to Zethora hugging her as well. My eyes finally pull away to see my sister and Jackie sitting in the front row. I look to Zethora who saw where my eyes were at. She excuses herself from my mother and guides me to sit next to my sister and Jackie. Zethora leans down kissing Cass' cheek who gives her a small smile. 

"Uncle Dox!" I give her a small smile before she makes grabby hands towards me. I pick her up placing her on my lap. Zethora sitting on my other side. Cass looks to her daughter with teary bloodshot eyes. "Did mom tell you?"

"What princess?"

"My uncle Sammy is a hero!" 

I force a smile and grip Zethora's hand. I chuckle sob and my sister's pained face looks to me. 

"Your right princess... your exactly right."

She looks over seeing Zethora and automatically lunges for her. Zethora takes her into her arms. My parents come over and sit down next to Cass. The ceremony begins where Jackie has decided to stay with Z. This was definitely the hardest thing I've ever fucking did. Cass keeps wiggling and I can tell she is getting restless. Zethora looks to me,  her eyes looking to me as I give her hand one final squeeze before she stands up with my niece in her arms. Cass reaches over taking my hand as the preacher continues. 

When it comes to close and we all stand up, I notice my entire team is sitting behind us. They all are looking to me as I give them a nod. I walk to the door with Cass linked to my arm where we find Zethora swaying back and forth with a sleeping Jackie on her shoulder. I walk to her, my sister taking Jackie as I wrap Zethora in my arms. 

The guys all follow us to the cemetery. I stand there with my hand locked in my girls as I watch six uniformed men carry a box with a flag perched on it. A handful of armed men standing tall. Three shots being fired. The flag then being folded carefully before a general brings it to my mother who is tear stained but standing with her head held high. 

I feel another squeeze and look down to my light who is holding me strong. After each and every team member walks by paying respect. They all head to their vehicles as only the family remains while they lower the casket. My sister loosing her composure and Zethora squeezing her waist to help keep her upright. My father doing the same for my mother. 

We leave and head back to my parent's house. Zethora helps settle my family and the flowers before we make it back to our home... Yes, our home. She has become engraved in it.  I sit down on the couch with my head within my hands as I feel Zethora yet again taking care of me. She gently unties my tie before lifting each foot removing the dress shoe from my feet. 

One.

It only takes one in the darkness to pull you back or keep you from going over the edge. I have found... my one. 

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Author's Note: 

This chapter has dual meaning during this time in our world. I am not sure what everyone is experiencing. If everyone has had a personal touch with the epidemic or just hearing about it. I wanted to let you know, your not alone. I hope that no one suffers a loss due to this... but if you do, please don't suffer alone. There is always someone to talk to. Find your light, and we all will make it through this!