02-Apr – Australia Grand Prix

The two glasses of whiskey didn't improve my sleep at all, they actually make it worse. During the whole night I was waking up and falling asleep again and again, and again and every time I closed my eyes, I was having nightmares – about the future race, about my contract, about Charles or Carlos... I couldn't believe that this situation affected my psyche so much. I was always trying to stay strong and ignore such kind of problems, but this time it was different. 

For this short period of time, I was working at the Scuderia, Charles and Carlos became the most important people of the team for me. I have just started to trust them so much that I could share anything with them, I was feeling them close to me and called them my friends. And then Carlos screwed everything up, something that was a major talent of Ferrari employees. Expect me... Hope I wouldn't become a screwer in future.

I was feeling disappointed, betrayed but also humiliated in front of the whole team, lost the last drop of respect I ever managed to get from them. How was I supposed to continue? But why I was thinking about continuing my work for Ferrari, when Vasseur stated that this would be probably my last race?! Thank you, Carlos, always the best!

I got out of bed with the first sunrays coming through the windows into my room. I was still frustrated about Carlos actions, but on the top of it, I had a strong headache. My brain was going to explode any minute. Probably the fault was in the amount of alcohol I drank in my furious mood. I don't know what happened to me. I don't usually drink, but when I do it, it is only one glass, so I could take part in the toast... Well, the dream of many people – to work for Scuderia Ferrari , was more like a beautiful nightmare rather than sweet dream to me. And all the stress here made a complete mess in my life. I was waiting impatiently for the three weeks break, where I could find some peace during the holidays and regenerate my system... Of course, if I wasn't kicked out of the team till then.

I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of strong espresso, just how we Italians know to do it, so it could turn on my senses and make me feel a bit better if this was possible. While the liquid was being prepared, I leaned on the table plot and covered my face with hands. Oh, how bad I wanted all of this to finish faster! I didn't even know how to go to the paddock today, when I had the willingness to smack Carols' phiz. The only person who was stopping me from doing it was Isa. The girl tried to show her support to me yesterday, but I was so mad that I threw out everything on her. I should apologize at Hernáez if we had the chance to see each other before the race.

The sound of checking an access card and door opening snapped me out of my imagination of "pancetta revenge" to Carlos and I looked up to see Charles and Arthur entering the apartment.

- Good morning, Cindere... - started cheerfully Arthur but his brother turned to him and whispered something in French. The blondie suddenly got confused look.

- He meant, good morning, little one! – Charles turned to me and smiled softly. – Did you sleep well?

- Looking at her, did she have a good sleep last night? – asked sarcastically the younger one.

I gave to both Leclerc a criminal offensive side eye and took my cup of coffee, then drank the liquid at once and cleared my throat. I shivered from the bitterness of the drink.

- That was too strong! – I mumbled, then filled the machine to make another one.

- May we have one too? – Arthur asked and I looked at him.

- Yes, at the restaurant downstairs – his smile disappeared, hearing my words. – The morning isn't good at all, and I want to ask you... Do you know the meaning of personal space? Because you both just enter my room every fucking day this week, as if it is your own one!

- We just wanted to... - started explaining Charles, but I interrupted him.

- Everybody wants something! – I raised my voice. – And I just want to be alone and at home now! Away from these people here! Away from their slippery nature and disgusting moral values!

The boys were looking at me surprised. I turned to take the ready cup of coffee and took a sip of it, but I didn't consider that the drink could be too hot. The liquid burned my mouth and I spat the contents back into the cup, then smashed it against the tiles with all my might, swearing in my native language.

Seeing my aggressive outburst, Charles immediately jumped out of his place and gave some instructions in French to his brother. Arthur looked at me worried then quickly replied something and left the apartment faster than a Red Bull car. I was so furious that didn't hear anything at all. Thoughts were racing through my head, making it pulse and hurt even more.

It started to blacken me out and my legs became weak.

At this moment I felt the strong arms of Charles wrapping around me. Instinctively I snuggled into him and couldn't help myself but started crying. Leclerc was in an even worse situation than me. All this team drama cost him a good position at the race and today he was starting on P7. With the level of development of our car was too hard to fight with the other ones and with a "helpful" teammate like Carlos it was even harder. I knew he wasn't happy at all, and this situation was torturing him, so I tried my best to not make things worse by whining about my lost battles... But I was so damaged already, that even if I wanted to be strong and supportive in his sadness, I couldn't handle it anymore.

- Chut... Chut... Petite Beauté! – I heard in the distance. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming again, or it was real. – Calme – toi, Petite Beauté!

I continued sobbing uncontrollably and felt him tightening his grip. Leclerc started humming a quiet melody that I hadn't heard before, but it was tender and beautiful. Listening to his deep voice, regular heartbeat and inhaling his mint gum and bitter oranges perfume odor, followed up by little kisses on the top of my head, I suddenly started to calm down. The tears gradually stopped, my breathing started to normalize, only the headache left.

We stayed in a warm tight hug till he decided that my condition got better.

- Are you feeling better now, little one! – the Monegasque asked releasing me from his grip.

- Have been better – I shook my head and pointed at the wet stain on his light blue shirt – Sorry for ruining your outfit...

- That's my last problem! – he smiled softly and lifted my chin up, to look me in the eyes. – I don't want you to cry, Lissie... Beautiful girls shouldn't be sad!

- I am just disappointed! – I whispered. – It's clear that one person fucked us up... And at the first moment I have the opportunity...

- Lissie, Lissie... I know you will hate him for life from now on – Charles said seriously. – But don't allow this to ruin your psyche and performance at the team. We all work under pressure, and I know how hard is sometimes to keep yourself positive. That is not the first, neither the last struggle at this team, believe me... I am telling you this from personal experience...

We both laughed quietly though the pain. Then he cupped my face in his hands and continued:

- But I want you to know that I am truly behind your back, and I will try my best to support you in every way and at every time... Just believe in me!

- I have always believed in you, Charles! – I said and gave him a half smile. – Just lied to myself that all people are like you... like me... I trusted the wrong people, even though I was warned to be careful with that... I learned my lesson. And I won't make the same mistake twice.

Charles didn't say anything. He just caressed my cheeks, wiping the wet lines of tears, and smiled, reveling his sweet dimples. For a moment I got lost in his beautiful green-blue eyes. They were so calm. His tender gaze was showing that at this moment he was fully giving his emotional support to me. I thought I was the fighter, but he was even bigger – to soak my grief, when he was going through difficult times too. His concern for me made me even more affectionate to him.

- It's Artur's second race today – Leclerc said suddenly. – We came here to ask you... Well, I wanted to come alone but he insisted to be here too... Would you like to come and watch the race with me?

- Together to watch your brother's race! – I exclaimed and he nodded. – But I have to be with...

- You need a little distraction from all these things, otherwise we both know that the whole team will finish as the cup down there.

We looked at the smashed cup on the ground and laughed. Yes, I was capable to do this, and Charles already knew it well.

- I am free before your race – I smiled. – So, why not to come? Maybe there will happen something that could make us happier than now.

- Great! – the Monegasque exclaimed. – After that we can attend together on a meeting with the team principals to discuss...

- Oh, I think there will be a private one, only for the "team by the wall" – I interrupted him. Hearing about work I got goosebumps over my skin. – I am not sure if I am still member of it or not... But at least I should hear the strategies and give them some advices.

- Didn't they ban you from making a strategy for this race? – Charles reminded me as if on purpose.

- Charles, you know me... - I shook my head. – Could someone shut my mouth during a meeting?

- Only during a meeting? – he raised his eyebrows.

- Are you trying to say something? – I pretended to be offended. – I don't know who was talking the whole night in Saudi Arabia.

- Yeah, but since then we swapped the roles – Leclerc chuckled.

- Do you mind it? – I asked, giving him a defiant look.

- No, I actually love listening to your beautiful, sweet voice – he shook his head, smiling. – During a race it's even sweeter.

I giggled and bowed my head to hide the redness on my cheeks. He was always so good at giving compliments. I don't know how but by the time he was at my apartment, he managed to tame the beast in me and bring back the smile on my face. It was ridiculous how fast this guy could change my mood.

The front door opened and when we turned to the direction of the noise, Arthur rushed at the room with a huge mop and black enormously big trash bags in his hands. Charles took a step back and looked at his brother shocked.

- I found them! – the younger Leclerc shouted. – Tell me where the blood to be cleaned and the body are!

For a couple of seconds, I and Charles were left in stupor. Then we looked at each other and started laughing realizing what he was talking about.

- Come on, Arthy! – I said and took the things out of his hands. – Leave this to the maids... You have a race to prepare for...

- Are you sure you haven't made someone on pancetta? – the boy whispered giving me a serious look. – I have heard this threat many times during the flight.

- Still haven't – I winked. – But couldn't guarantee for the future...

- Arthur, I think your secret conversation could wait! – I heard Charles saying behind my back. – We must leave for the circuit!

- May we take Lissa with us? – the younger Leclerc asked as a little child waiting for permission to have a new pet.

- I will come at the lobby in 15 minutes – I rubbed his back friendly. – Wait for me there!

And I saw how big his blue eyes became when he heard my words. I couldn't believe that my presence would be so important for someone. Arthur jumped out of joy and hugged me tight His actions made me feel even better and I was finally recharged enough to start the race day.

#

Charles was so good to explain to me what was happening during the whole race. It was not so different from ours, but the people from the teams here looked more calm and not so vicious as at F1. Probably all the fame and money at the higher level of this sport made them like that. But everybody has started from somewhere and not only the team crews, but also the drivers shouldn't forget where and who they were before going to F1.

Arthur's race made me forget about my problems, spend a fun sunny day under the Australian sky and finally fully enjoy my stay here, especially when he won the third place. Charles was so proud of him, that his eyes teared up while we were celebrating the podium place with a warm hug. He was so sweet when he got emotional. Oh, how I wanted to see him that happy after his races, proud of the results he achieved.

We both went to the fences under the podium to watch the award ceremony. Moving next to Leclerc helped me to be on the first row and root for his brother like crazy. When Arthur walked out, he waved at the audience and climbed onto the step for the third place, I screamed loud his name as I was on baseball match.

- It is his first podium in F2 – Charles noticed while looking proudly at his brother.

- Then I am here right on time – I replied and waved to Artur who spotted us and smiled wide.

- He is really happy to see you – Charles said. – I think my little brother likes you.

- Stop talking bullshits! – I cut him off. – Who am I for him? He is happy to see you down here supporting him.

Leclerc laughed when his brother lifted the trophy up and pointed at us.

- I hope someday I will feel this joy again – Charles said with a bitter smile. – At least he made me smile before my race!

- Come on, why are you talking like that?! – I punched him in the shoulder. – The whole team is ready to see you in the top three today.

- Ha, stop living in delusion Lissa, that's my job! – he laughed sarcastically and turned to me.

- Charles, with one good strategy is not impossible – I replied, but even I didn't believe my words.

- With Carlos in front, it's quite impossible – the boy continued in his sarcastic tone.

- Please, don't mention his name! – I raised my hand. – I am mad at him but don't let my mood about him ruin your relation.

- It's not only because of you... - Charles scratched his neck. – We both have some things to sort out too...

I didn't say anything more because the national anthem of the Japanize winner started playing. But I began thinking over Charles words and I was afraid he will do something reckless in his willingness to "sort the things out" with Carlos.

#

We didn't have much time to celebrate with Arthur his podium. He had to do some media commitments and the only thing that we were able to do was to meet at the media center, hug each other to exchange some congratulations. Before my leaving for the Ferrari hospitality, I heard Arthur calling me Leclerc's lucky charm. This sobriquet made me feel embarrassed and flattered at the same time, but I kind of liked it.

The half of the day passed and the time for the Formula one grand prix came. The team meeting went well, then Charles escorted me to my place by the pit wall and we both wished luck to each other. After that he left for his driver's room to prepare himself for the race.

I opened my notebook and started entertaining myself with drawing the circuit. I was alone again, and this was something like a Mandala for distressing. I heard the whole pit crew getting out on the pit lane and they started warming up with some physical exercises. That was something new and I paid my whole attention to this theater. They didn't use to do that till now, and everyone was looking so hilarious squatting like ducks and not knowing what to do with the rubber bands. I couldn't help myself and pulled out my phone to take a short video of the pit crew. I was going to use this to cheer up myself when I am too sad and don't have someone to heal my soul.

When the workout came to an end, the whole team went to the garages and started doing their job. I turned to the screens in front of me and sighed. They suddenly turned on, making me jump out in a surprise. Then a hand with headset in it appeared in front of me. I looked up and saw Mekies.

- You don't deserve to be disconnected – he whispered to me and winked.

I didn't answer because his words shocked me. There was a microphone on today's headphones. This gesture of Mekies showed me that not everyone here hates me and gave me hope that this wasn't my last race.

I put them on and nodded at him in gratitude. Our little "friendly" moment was ruined by Vasseur's arriving. All of the "team by the wall" members took their places, ignoring me as I wasn't there. But I didn't really care for them anymore. I hoped the change in Mekies behavior to me isn't temporary, because if I had his support, everything was going to be easier.

The race was about to start. Although I wasn't a main figure in the plan today, I heard it. I prayed for the drivers and their health and success, then kissed my lucky pedants. The lights went off and my heart skipped a bit. I started following the cars on the cameras and a lump stuck in my throat. Again, my fucking sixth sense that was telling me something. And then on Turn 3 Charles was hit by Lance Stroll and car 16 went into the gravel. I gasped, covering my mouth with hands. He did exactly what I was afraid he will do. Something reckless.

- Charles are you okay? – Mekies managed to repair from the shock first.

- That's it! – was the only answer we heard on the radio.

I bit my lips to hold my tears back. I didn't know how to feel – disappointed or pleased that his torture today came to an end faster than mine.

His car was out of the track, but soon after that Alex Albon hit the walls of turn 9 and debris flew out everywhere. His mistake caused a Red Flag, and the race was stopped.

Carlos turned back into the pit lane but remained at his car. I stood up from my place and approached him. When he saw me, his eyes fulfilled with hope. We haven't spoken to each other since the team meeting last night, so I thought it was the right time to tell him what I had in mind all night long.

- So, Carlos... - I leaned over the halo. – Charles is now out of the race... You are in the front... That's one of your favorite tracks... You have been in his situation many times, right? If I could remember right, last year you made only two laps here. Correct me if I am wrong... And you know well what happens when you are in the middle of the grid...

- What are you trying to say? – I heard his hushed voice under the helmet.

- Even if you had tried, you couldn't make it so well – I faked a laughter. – Listen to me carefully, Carlos, you are the last Ferrari car on the track. Make it worth it, because my gut is telling me that this race will finish really bad. Try your best to refute my feeling.

- That wasn't encouraging at all! – he said a bit offended.

- For a betrayer like you even this is too much! – I cut him off.

Sainz looked at me surprised, then his eyes suddenly became sad. But that couldn't influence me at all. My heart was like a stone and even if I wasn't right, I was still blaming him for this weekend failure. But then my common sense urged me not to be so rude, because that could distract him and cause me to be the reason for a double DNF.

- Just know one thing, Carlos – I said in a serious tone. – Because I am a professional and don't like to mix personal with work relationships, I'll try to do what I can strategically for your performance... If I stay at the team at all, but the rest is up to you.

I tapped him on the top of the helmet and put my sunglasses on. Then turned back to my position at the pit wall. Before putting my headphones on, I looked at him once again, but he was already with his visor on and hands on the steering wheel.

The race was restarted.

#

Everything seemed to be good with the laps passing by. I went to Mekies several times to give him quick advises about Carlos. At least I was trying to save the team from the bottom it reached so far.

At 19 lap, George's car started burning and the session was stopped. The Spanish came back to the pit lane and get out of his car. Wrong decision – he had to stay in the car and not lose his focus. And then he approached the wall, coming closer to me.

- What are you doing here? – I asked cold putting my headphones off.

- I came to talk to you – he said leaning on my desk. – To ask you how we proceed further?

- Don't ask me, ask the masters! – I replied sharply.

- But Lissa... - Sainz put his hand on my shoulder. – I trust only you!

He was without his helmet and balaclava. His plump lips curved in a slight smile. But this smile couldn't touch me anymore. I gave him a look in disgust and turned my back to the driver, rudely pushing away his hand. It was so ridiculous to hear him talking about trust. How he even dares to touch me after everything he had done.

Before putting my headphones on again, I heard the deep sigh Sainz let out. I didn't care about his feeling at all, as he didn't care about mine. Or he was?

#

The race continued, Carlos was fighting for places, he reached P4, which was positive for the team. It wasn't a podium, but good points to get back home with. I noticed that the driver became too nervous, he couldn't control the car well. Probably to carry the whole team on your back was too hard for him and 54 laps under the hot Australian sun wasn't beyond his strength. But he had enough experience to manage with this, he knew what to do and how to do it... It was me the person who was the opposite by his words, right?

Suddenly Kevin Magnussen flew into the walls and again the race was stopped. Carlos was called back to the pit-lane. When he stopped the car next to the pit wall, I stood up from my place and went to him. He made an effort to jump out of the car, but I stopped him and leaned over the halo.

- Stay in! – I ordered. – I am here to give you some driving hacks... Relax your movements. They are too sharp, and this can play a bad joke on you. I may have told you to fight for the podium, but that doesn't mean to do it at all costs. Whatever place you take after the restart we will be in the points zone, so don't push yourself too hard.

- Lissa, thank you so much for the advice! – he said soft.

- If you want, don't take it – I shrugged my shoulders and stood up. – After all, I'm an inexperienced person... Isn't that what you said?

Sainz looked at me helplessly, as if he was trying to say something. But I turned my back on him once again. I took my place again and soon the race was restarted.

I had the presage something bad was going to happen and it happened exactly when the session began. Many cars went out in the gravel, Pierre and Esteban hit each other and destroyed their cars, and Carlos... Carlos touched Alonso, making him spin. I gasped. For a second time today, my heart flipped over with fear. I covered my mouth with hands and looked at my colleagues. They immediately checked if Carlos was okay, and the Red Flag was announced. This race was total disaster. Four Red Flags in 57 laps, that was unbelievable!

The driver came back to the pitlane. We received the statement from the Stewards – Carlos was going to serve a penalty for causing a collision. Ricky turned his microphone on and informed Sainz about the penalty. Then he started begging to speak with the Stewards, to listen to him, to discuss the situation after the race. He said please so many times, that this could touch even the most heartless person. I was listening to his trembling voice and closed my eyes. His pleas reminded me of the times Charles was begging the team for his positions. Now the roles were swapped. The fate actually knows its business. Hopefully Carlos will understand that everybody pays for their actions. But my heart sank when I heard the quiet sobbing of Sainz and saw him putting his visor on trying to hide himself from the cameras. I may be mad at him but couldn't remain indifferent, so I put my headphones off. I just wanted this weekend to finish.

The race came officially to an end and the results were terrible. Both cars out of the points – because Carlos caused the collision, he received the 5 seconds penalty and went P12. I was so upset of the team performance this week, that I just wanted to take the plane, go back home, take a rest... From everything and everyone.

I headed to the garages, thinking about the experience so far. The days here weren't the worst ones but I have never been so exhausted and disappointed at the same time. Australia will always remain a dark memory for me.

At the bottom of his box, I found Charles in his favorite corner, playing Chess on his phone. I put my hand on his back to catch his attention and when he lifted his eyes up, I gave him a bitter smile.

- So, that's it! – I said sad.

- Shall we go? – he asked me, standing up from the cube he always sits.

- Don't you have media commitments? – I raised my eyebrows.

- Already done – Leclerc smiled. – Lorenzo and Arthur are waiting for us at the hotel, and we will meet with Pierre, Esteban, and George at the airport, to share a flight.

- What about the team meeting? – I was so confused that didn't paid attention to his last sentences.

- Lissa, do you want to go home faster, or you prefer to stay here and soak up more from the negative atmosphere of this track? – he asked in a scathing tone.

- I want to land on Italian ground as soon as possible! – I let out a deep sigh.

- Then let's go!

Charles took my hand and looked around. He waved goodbye to several people of the pit crew then we both headed to the parking lot where the Golden Stelvio was waiting for us.  

Note: Hello, hello my lovely readers! Thank you for being here and so supportive <3 You are amazing! <3

So here we see Lissa with mixed feelings. What do you think? Is she doing the right thing to behave like that to Carlos? I will give you "food for thought" asking... What will happen next at the team? ^_^

I hope you liked that part! Leave a star/comment if so! <3 Hear the external link to feel the mood aaand see ya soon at the next chapter! <3

LOVE YA! <3

N16 XOXOXO