John got back in his car, holding the paper bag containing the five boxes of painkillers Doctor Maylor prescribed. People were staring at him with worried expression; he looked like he had just been dug up. His face was all pale, and his eyes were dull. His hands were trembling when he closed the door of the car, after he sat on the driver's seat.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a second and pressing his forehead against the steering wheel. Then, he put on his safety belt and started up the car, driving away from the parking lot of the chemist's. He let a red car drive past him and headed for home.

His mind was dangerously away. He was looking at the road, but not really seeing it. Just like he would hear a song without listening to it. Everything around him was all blurred, and the cars passing by were only ghosts. Suddenly, one of them crossed the road, and John almost did not see it. He violently braked before hitting the other car very gently, causing his chest to hit the wheel.

Rubbing it with a frown, he lowered his window and leant out of it, apologising to the other driver, who was screaming insults at him. But John could not even hear his own voice, how could he even understand the driver's words? He waited for him to move, and drove back home.

----------------------------------

“Have a nice evening, James. You did a great job today!”

Taylor was widely smiling at her colleague, gently patting him in the back, as he was counting the money in the till. James looked up and laughed.

“I only sold tickets.”

“Don't underrate yourself, dear. It must be exhausting, repeating the same old things every day.”

“It's you telling me that?”

Taylor paused and started to laugh. She shrugged and friendly kissed him on the cheek, before walking up to her locker, taking her jacket and handbag, putting back her name tag in it. She locked it and put on her jacket, coughing lightly.

As she was crossing the long corridor leading to the back door – freedom – Taylor heard somebody shouting her name. Her colleague and friend Layla was waving at her. She came up to her, lightly finger-combing her short red hair.

“Hey Taylor, have you heard about the dinner?”

“What dinner?”

“The boss organised a dinner for the employees in a good restaurant in town. We don't know the place or date yet, but there is a registration for it, so the museum won't pay too much for few people. You can invite John, if you want.”

“Oh.”

“Do you think you'll come?”

“Perhaps. I'll tell John first about it, if you don't mind. It depends if he's touring or not.”

“I understand. As soon as you know, please tell me, okay?”

“Sure!”

“Good evening, then. See you tomorrow!”

“Good evening, Layla.”

Taylor smiled at her and eventually reached the back door. She opened it and saw that it was already dark outside. She sighed and quickly walked up to her car, throwing her handbag on the back seat. She removed her bun and let her hair down, shaking them a bit, enjoying the sensation of freedom. She started up the vehicle and drove away, longing to see John.

On her way home, she turned on the radio and heard Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. She laughed and sang the lyrics out loud, in a very high-pitched voice. Though she sang out of key, she did not care, it was funny singing it.

When the song ended, the DJ told a few things about the new tour of a band she had never heard of. Then, the first notes of a song she knew well started to sound in her car. It was Fat Bottomed Girls. With all the respect she had for the band, and with all the love she had for each member, obviously more for one of them, she did not sing along. She could butcher the Bee Gees, but certainly not Queen.

Before the song ended, Taylor was home. She noticed that the garage door was not well closed. She shrugged and leant over her seat to reach her handbag, took back her keys and got out of the car. She ran up to the door and closed it correctly, before walking up the path to the front door. It was not locked, so she simply opened it.

Taylor sighed in relief, smelling the sweet scent of home. She threw her handbag on the shoe cabinet and craned her neck to see John standing in the dining room, leaning on one of the chairs. She smiled and kissed Malo, welcoming her. While removing her jacket, Taylor walked up to the dining room and happily jumped to John. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Good evening, darling!”

She smiled and went back to the corridor, hanging her jacket to the coat rack. She removed her shoes, jumping on one foot, and put them in their cabinet. Then, she returned to John.

“I hope you had a good day! You won't believe it: I actually managed to interest those little kids at the gallery! I swear, they were attentive to every thing I said, and they even asked smart questions. I underrated them, I think.”

John was not even listening to what she was saying. He was staring at her with furrowed brows, pursing his lips. However, she did not seem to notice.

“By the way, our boss organised a dinner for the employees of the museum, and you can come. We don't know the date yet, but as soon as I know it, I'll tell you, just to make sure that it won't be during your tour. If it is, I won't go.”

Taylor smiled at him, thinking that he was simply exhausted and did not want to talk. Her eyes lowered on the table, and caught a glimpse of a bag from the chemist's. She smiled widely and ran up to it.

“Oh, you got the pills! Thank you so much, my love!” she said, kissing his lips. “How many boxes are in there? Oh, five! I won't run out of painkillers, that's good to know. How much do I owe you?”

John's eyes suddenly filled with tears, which he tried hard to hold back. Taylor was reading what was written on one of the boxes, and got ready to leave the room to get her wallet in the corridor. As she walked by the couch, he finally spoke.

“You have cancer.”

Taylor stopped and stiffened. She felt her cheeks being warm, but she knew she actually was blenching. How could he know? He had told all the doctors she saw to keep it a secret so he would not worry about it all!

Seeing that she did not react, John repeated his words, his voice cracking.

“You have cancer. And you didn't tell me.”

Taylor took a deep breath and slowly spun round, looking at him with a terrified expression.

“Who told you such a thing?”

“Doctor Maylor. Don't even try to deny it, Taylor. He asked me how you were, and I told him what I knew – perhaps only what I thought I knew – and that we were going to have a child. He told me it was dangerous, and I didn't understand how a cyst could be a problem to have a child as long as it wasn't in the organs involved. And he told me. He told me you have kidney cancer.”

Taylor's lips started to tremble, but she tried to made them stop by pursing them. She was breathing a bit louder, and as she did not find any words, she broke down in tears. She buried her face in her hands.

“Why didn't you tell me, Taylor?! I wouldn't have gone on tour! And I won't for the rest of it. But fuck, Taylor, what went through your mind? Don't you think it would have been better if you had told me everything? I would have helped you better than I tried to! Can't you see that I worried for you, and I thought that everything was getting fine?”

“John...”

“Let me finish. You told me there wasn't any risk if we had a child. You are pregnant. And it's dangerous. I'm sure you knew it. You don't need a medical degree to know that when you have a cancer of any kind, it's not safe at all to have a child. What are we going to do? Uh? I don't want this pregnancy to increase the risks of... of... losing you.”

John burst into tears and spun round for a moment, trying to clear his mind. After a while, he turned to Taylor once again, and sniffed.

“I don't want to lose you, Taylor. I don't want to. I lost my father, and I still can't get over it. I couldn't stand losing you. You're everything to me. You mean more than music, Queen, or anything else. I want you to see a doctor as soon as possible to see if it's possible to have this child. If we can, I want you to see this doctor at least once a month. If we can't... I don't even want to take risks for a beautiful child of ours.”

Taylor's eyes widened, and she sobbed even more. John opened his arms, and she ran up to him, snuggling against his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her. Crying like he never did, he kissed the top of her head, firmly closing his eyes.

He could not lose her. That was something absolutely too frightening.

Taylor tried to calm herself, as she stained his t-shirt with her tears. She tried to breathe normally, and she looked up at John, a lock of her hair falling across her face. John tenderly tucked it behind her ear, while she managed to speak.

“Pardon me, John. I only wanted to protect you. I wanted no harm. I know that in Japan, I promised to tell you everything when I have a problem, with all the details, and I broke my vow.”

“You did. But I'm not mad at you. I thought I was, but no. Now I will help you as much as I can. I will give you everything you need. I won't let you down, I'll stand by your side.”

“Thank you.”

“No, no, no. Never thank me for anything, Taylor. Especially for this.”

“Alright.”

John leant in and kissed her tenderly, awkwardly pressing her against him, as if she was a very fragile doll that would break into pieces if it was touched. Guessing that he did that in order to keep her safe, she snuggled against him a bit more, her chest being stuck against his.

Taylor wanted to be John's doll. But never the fragile one.

After a few minutes, John put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her straight in the eyes. He quickly dried his with his sleeve and cleared his throat.

“Now, Taylor, I want you to answer my question honestly. Don't try to protect me, there's nothing to use a shield against. Alright?”

“Alright.”

“Okay. My question is...” he started, taking a deep breath. “How do you feel?”

“Fine.”

“Taylor.”

“I swear I'm fine! It's true! I'm simply tired, but I don't feel any pain, and my kidneys are not a problem for the moment! And I want you to answer my question know: how do you feel?”

John stared at her, thoughtfully.

“I don't really know. So I would say... Lost, and in love.”

Taylor smiled weakly and cupped his face with her hands, kissing him tenderly. Then, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his cheek, listening to his heart beating, as if she could not believe that John was alive.

John squeezed her tightly against him and kissed her hair repeatedly, shaking his head.

“How did you manage to keep such a thing for yourself?”

“I don't know.”

“When you came back from the hospital, you were so... joyful. I think that if I had been in your shoes, I would have cried my heart out, honestly.”

“At first, I cried. When the doctor told me, I cried. But I had to keep my head up, you know. For you, but for myself too. I couldn't... let myself drown. If I am dying, I want to enjoy every moment of my life, even the bad ones.”

“You're not dying...”

“Perhaps I am. Who knows? But I won't leave you alone. I won't let you face this life alone. I need you, and I know that you need me too. I will hold on as much as I can.” she paused. “You know, John, I have no regrets. I don't regret anything in my life, aside from the fact that I didn't tell you about my disease. All the best things happened to me. Yes, I was unwanted by my parents, and they died. Yes, my sister tried to force me into marriage. Yes, somebody tried to murder me. Yes, I had to hide because of that. Yes, I was penniless for a long time. But everything has a good side. My parents didn't want me, but I wanted them in a certain way, it's true; but their death helped me learn how to face life and handle such things. My sister wanted me to marry a guy I hated, but look, I didn't, and I learnt that marriage had a certain value for some, and not for the others; the only thing you must do is to find somebody whose point of view about marriage is the same as yours. My sister and Terry, this same guy, tried to murder me, and now I have scars on my body: I realised that life actually meant a lot to me, so I learnt how to love and enjoy it. I hid because of all those events, but I met nice people on my way who lent me their hands, and who helped me getting a job. For a long time, I had absolutely no money, but I learnt from it too: I know how to keep it, but also how to use it wisely, and if somebody needs it, I will help. See? Nothing is all black. There's good in bad and there's bad in good. It's yin and yang.”

Taylor smiled and stroked his face with the back of her hand, kissing his chin.

“I mentioned the bad things, and now I'm going to mention the good ones. Especially the good one. It's a man I met a long time ago now, whereas we were completely different. But it didn't turn as bad as it looked at first. He is a very kind-hearted man, who has a gorgeous soul. Do you know his name?”

“No?”

“John Deacon. And I tell you, he's the most beautiful human being one could ever meet. We became friends, then best friends, and... at first, I was reluctant to my feelings for him, because I was afraid of love. But he showed me that it was actually very pleasant, and that it didn't always hurt, as long as you're with the right person, who won't take you for granted. John Deacon treats me right. He always did. And he still does. Now, what? We're married, and I'm carrying his child in my body. Who could ask for more? I am ill, right, but I can assure you that this disease will never make me regret anything. I didn't always do the right things, but I learnt from my mistakes. My life isn't shit. I thought it was, at a time, but it wasn't. It was just because I never thought that I would meet this pretty soul on my way. From this day, life has never been more enjoyable. I'm loving the most extraordinary life ever lived. What could I regret?”

John shook his head and began to cry once again. Instead of hugging her, he pulled her into a passionate kiss. Then, he buried his face in her hair, smelling the sweetness of her skin.

“Thank you, Taylor. Thank you.”

“No, no, no. Never thank me for anything, John. Especially for this.”

John smiled and laughed, drying his eyes with the back of his hand, before wiping it on his jeans. Taylor tenderly wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his chest, staring at him like a puppy.

“Through sickness and health, huh?”

“Through sickness and health.”