page setup is a joke. I think I wont be doing this for future pages. (future ashe here! I wrote this psrt of the a/n a while ago (august of 2022 lol), and honestly yeah. i wont be doing my old page set up! it killed the joy I took in writing, its actually one of my main reasons for disappearing, funny enough. i'll explain more at the ending a/n, sorry for the rant!)

this chapter will have realistic drowning, though the aftermath of drowning is not as realistic, I apologize in advance. Also a reminder that if someone was drowning and your forced into a position where you need to use CPR, that you do not stop CPR to transport them. Let an ambulance do that.

⚠️this chapter contains the things that come alongside suicide. you have been warned, please be mindful of your mental health and avoid triggering yourself. <3⚠️

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He's always been a burden to everyone hes known. It wasn't a secret anymore. He could see through the false pity that was always displayed on the faces of those around him. He saw what hid behind their gazes, and it was annoyance. It was anger, hatred, bother.

Bother.. He's always been familiar with that word. It defined him really. 'Bother'. He'd bother his friends with his struggles. (though not really. It's always been the other way around, hasnt it?) He'd bother his brothers when they were too busy to deal with him. (but they were never truely busy, maybe they just hate him?) He'd bother his parents with his aches and pains, always seeking cures for whatever sickness entered his body for the week. (but parents are supposed to care for your illnesses, are they not?)

Don't get him wrong, he loves his friends, his family. It just seems like they never loved him.

So on that fateful day, when he decided that breathing in water was a better choice than continuing the pain of breathing air. That fateful day, when he decided he'd no longer be a burden, nor a bother, to those around him. He didn't expect this.. situation, to arise.

He found himself sitting on the edge of a bridge, one which ran over a gorgeous pond. There were cattails and tall grass hanging off the edges and dragonflies buzzing all around. It was relaxing, it was lovely, it was a great place to die. He let his eyes trace the edges of the surrounding tree's, where the sun crept in and illuminated the pond. For a moment, he felt selfish to taint such a peaceful place with the burden of death. But, then again, death was just another part of life. Perhaps his body would be used to fertilize the shrubbery, or feed the fish even.

He sighed, placing his hands on the wooden rails and hoisting himself onto the outer side which faced the water. "Well.. it's time to say Goodbye." He chuckled dryly. "Farewell life, I guess." He felt a weight lift off his shoulders, one he didn't realize was ever there. He smiled, guess the closer he got to death meant the closer he got to peace, who would've thought? Tommy put a foot out, letting it hang in the air. He leaned his body forward and closed his eyes, letting the breeze brush against his cheeks and run through his matted hair. After a moment of peace, he let go.

He felt his body plummet into the cold pond water, the fish nearby darting away in fear of the large mass that joined them. Within a couple of seconds his body hit the sandy bottom, guess the pond wasnt too deep. He was sure though, that if he went to stand up that the water would reach just above his head maybe. It didn't matter though, he'll make sure he stays under the water. He opened his mouth and took a breath, water began to flow into his nostrils and mouth, filling up his lungs. At first it felt like a sting, but the feeling soon left as the water kept entering his system.

It was.. oddly peaceful. He imagined dying, especially by drowning, would be a lot scarier. Maybe like how its depicted in media, with flailing limbs and screams drowned out by the ever silent water suppressing his voice. Then again, when is media ever right.

He soon felt the light leave his vision as the world became spotted. His vision was slowly being flooded with black. He wished the spots would spread faster, living was exhausting and the void seemed so peaceful. Maybe in another life he could have this peace without death, hanging out with his friends, laughing alongside family. But thats not true for this life, perhaps it was never meant to be, doomed to forever be alone.

"T......M...!-"

What?

"....O....Y!"

He felt the soothing cold of the water leave his limbs, yet he couldn't find it in himself to open in his eyes, let alone breathe at that.

"S....Y ..I..H ...E!"

Someone was speaking, er- shouting. Who was it? Tommy was out here alone, no one should be at the pond right now. It was like seven in the morning, whatever weirdo up at this time
disgusts him.

"C....E ...N"

Right, the screaming. Why was this person screaming?

"T....s.."

The voice is definitely softer now, sad even. Why?

He felt his body surge, all of a sudden he could feel hands on his chest and air in his lungs. He felt water rise up his throat and sputter out of his mouth like vomit.

Everything. Hurts.

He felt a painful sting in his throat and limbs, his mind was so foggy and the world around felt so, so cold.

"Oh Toms.." A soft voice mumbled. Maybe not mumbled? He couldn't tell from his clogged ears. Whoever owned it sounded relieved, though he could still fish out a bit of muted fear.

Warm arms wrapped around his cold body and lifted him up, he was definitely being carried now. He moved slightly, trying to wriggle out of the comforting hold. Whatever attempts made were proven futile as instead of being dropped, he was placed into the back of a car.

A car?
What the fuck? First he fails to die, and now he's being fucking kidnapped??

Today is just not Tommy's day, is it?

His eyes fluttered open, and oh boy did it hurt. It felt like bees were stinging his eyes, or like someone poured acid into them and we was awake while they disolved. He blinked several times to get the pain to subside. And eventually, it did.

The blurry vision he had moments prior fixed itself as the world around him became clearer. He sat up and looked around. He could tell where he was now, and it wasn't that car anymore. It was a hospital. And by gods were the lights way too bright. He squinted his eyes at this, before the bright lights suddenly went away.

"I turned them off, golden. You can open your eyes again." An unexpected voice came from his side, causing Tommy to jump. "Oh- sorry I didn't mean to scare you.." They mumbled before growing closer to the bed. Tommy turned to face them, quickly figuring out who the source was.

"Purpled?" He mumbled, seeing his purple-loving friend.

"Hey," Purpled spoke in a soft tone, something about it made Tommy want to melt, the comfort it offered was just too much for his running mind, "So how you feeling Toms?"

Tommy slipped deeper into the bedsheets and sighed. "Like shit purp, like shit." Tommy rasped, only just noticing how much his throat hurt. This made the other chuckle.

"Yeah I'm sure. Doctor said to not use your throat for a while, it's probably gonna hurt for a while." Purpled stated. He leaned on the hospital bed and stretched his arms out to touch the other head. "So, wanna talk about why we're here, and why I found you half way to deaths door in water?"

Tommy sighed, guess the question was truely inevitable. "Its pretty obvious Purp. I'm sure your not that stupid," he remarked playfully, allowing himself a short smirk before returning to a serious expression, "I wanted out, but guess I can't even do that right." He hissed, bringing his arms around himself as he subconsciously scratched at his shoulder. Something to keep him grounded, probably. The same grounding action was forced to end as Purpled- who was now way closer than he was moments before- reached out to his hands and grabbed them, holding them gently with his own. Tommy looked back up to face the other, being met with eyes that held a strange sense of pity in them. He was sure to quickly look away.

The two stood how they were, silent and awkward. It ended soon as Purpled quickly brought the other blonde into an almost bone crushing hug, one that took Tommy by surprise. He hesitated for a moment, before deciding to weakly hug back. "Well I for one, am glad you failed." Purpled spoke, his voice just slightly above a whisper. "I wouldn't know what to do without you here."

The two parted after what felt like 20 minutes, but was only three. Tommy felt himself almost wishing they didn't, missing the physical content he had been so depraved of throughout his life. He brought his hands back to his elbows, bringing himself into a half hug as he looked back at the dirty blonde. His expression remained soft as he looked down at the other. Tommy almost felt himself wanting to smile at the other, though something tells him it wasn't the right moment for that.

"The uh, Doctor says you'll be able to be discharged soon." Purpled spoke again, breaking the almost comforting silence he held previously. "Do you want me to call Phil-?"

"No!-" Tommy quickly interrupted as he jerked his body foreword, his hands springing out as if they were going to physically stop the other from leaving the room. He swallowed harshly as he brought himself back to his prior position. "No.. please don't.. Phil would be so disappointed me and I-", he swallowed, looking down with tearful eyes,"I can't handle any more of that."

"Oh Toms.." Purpled murmured, his tone so soft that Tommy for a moment believed that Wilbur was there instead of his friend. "I'm sure Phil won't be disappointed. If anything, he's probably worried sick."

Tommy shook his head,"No, I can't handle seeing him disappointed- he'll be so upset at me. I just- I can't."

"Could I at least call one of your brothers? Anyone who could take you home."

"Uh- You could call Will or Tech. Its better than Phil I guess."

Purpled nodded and pulled out his phone, leaving the room after letting the other blonde know he was going to take a call and maybe see a nurse about his discharge. (run on sentence who?) So while Tommy waited in his room, staring at his only source of entertainment (his heart monitor), Purpled went off to phone his brothers.

"hello?" Came the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, this is Purpled. I'm one of Tommys friends of you don't know." He introduced as he mentally prepared himself to break the news to the unsuspecting person on the phone.

"oh hey! If you're calling to ask for Toms- just know I don't live at home right now- college and all. You'll have to call our Dad." His voice came, lighthearted and full of happiness.

"No it's not to ask for him- I uh- it's about him." Purpled sighed as he looked down the bare hospital hallway. It was going to be hard to break the news to the cheery man.

"oh? What happened? Is he okay?" His voice contorted into one of concern, it came clearer as if the man on the other end leaned in just a bit closer.

"Theres no easy way to say this but uh, I'm at the hospital with Tommy after he attempted suicide via drowning. I uh- swam in and saved him.." He trailed off at the end.

"HEH!?-" A new voice joined in, leading Purples to believe that he was on speaker. Thankfully the voice was fairly familiar to the blonde, it was Tommys other brother.

"Could you- tell us the hospital please?" The first brothers voice returned, this time more shaken and fragile.

"Of course, its [I forgot if I named the hospital in this chapter]."

"We're on our way."

2107 words
finished 23:08 - 4 april 2024
published 23:12 same day

NOT REVISED / REVIEWED
MAY HAVE TYPOS

I lost motivation at the end, hopefully will make a part 2 with the ideas i had for the rest of the chapter

hey if ur reading this, you get to know that im working on re-writes rn! First one being the Tubbo-bot chapter! Have an old favorite? why not let me know so I can re-write it!
(rewrites will be separate chapters, their originals will be kept up.)