TW- mentions of self harm and suicide.

i lied, im doing a part 2.

kind of a vent chapter, ig (basically everything schlatt says is me venting)

15

Schlatt's POV

"Yeah, of course Schlatt."

"Well," I started.
"I wanna feel. I want to feel real emotions. I don't want to be so.. Fake all the time."

He looked at me with a worried expression.

"I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I'm nothing!"
He looked more concerned.

"I don't wanna feel empty all the time."
"Sure, I act angry, sad, and happy but I'm not, Connor, I'm not. I don't know what being any of those feels like. I don't wanna be this broken!"

I continued, "I barely feel anything anymore. I barely cry. Why the fuck won't I cry anymore? Why is everything so confusing? I always feel everything, but at the same time I feel fucking nothing. I don't wanna be like this. I don't wanna have to hurt myself to feel shit!"

He sighed, "Listen Schlatt, I think I know what you mean and thank you for telling me this. I'm gonna try my hardest to make you happy! Or any emotion, at that. Got it?"
I nodded.

"Pog!" He yelled
"So, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, how about we just sit 'n talk. I still kind of need to vent.."

"Ah, sorry. I cut you off."

"Its ok."

I continued, "I'm sorry for being so selfish, I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for even being alive. I know I don't deserve to be alive. I really don't. I can't even name one good thing about me! I'm such a terrible person, I can't realize other people have feelings. I think everybody is like me and feels fucking nothing."

"I am so fucking worthless! I can't do anything right. Why can't I do anything right? Anytime I try to do something, I somehow manage to fuck it up!" I noticed I was starting to get louder, I didn't care the time though.

"I know I said this, but I really don't deserve anything. I don't deserve feelings. The one thing I do deserve is death. Why can't I be dead?"
"I tried to last night but Techno saved me. Why did he save me? I thought he hated me.." 

tell me if i fucked up on anything

vote bc im desperate 😉