I have stopped figuring out life long before. It's just never going to go the way I want it to. When I thought, things are never going to be ok, there came a ray of hope and when I thought things are going to be settled and perfect, everything just got shattered.
In this one year, I lost myself. I couldn't connect to myself, I won't talk to my best friends, I won't be able to write. I would only beg to God, to show me a way, pray, try to find a hope. I was numb
Amidst all the struggle, today I came to realization, that no matter how much you beg and cry, God's going to do what he wants to do. There wasn't a temple or dargh that I didn't bow down and begged. There won't be a time, when I would visit a church, a temple or a dargh and come out with tears in my eyes. And today, when I pray to God, I don't ask him to make things better; I just thank him for whatever in my life he gave me.
People will taunt you, give you suggestions, question you, ask you to do things that you never want to do and somewhere, you have to do those things. It's so easy to judge. So easy to say if someone's decision is wrong or right. But, it's so damn tough to fight for your dreams, to stand for what you believe you deserve. Even your loved ones will so easily point fingers on your decision, because the truth is when you fail, everyone will have a proof that what they believed is true and you are all wrong.
You look at people getting things so easily and even after so many struggles you just don't get anything. Things seems to work out, they don't. Something or other thing will prevent you from reaching that point.
It's a phase when you lose confidence, hope, and inspiration.
One year, it's too long. Everyone I know, after this one year, is doing something for his career and I am standing where I was, a year before. I honestly, don't know what the future hold for me.
But, all I am sure is I am going to keep on fighting. I am not going to lose myself again. I have made up to my best friend, I have stopped complaining and telling people that how much it hurts. I have started writing again.
I am back home, it has been more than 20 days, it was just a weak plan but it just extended due to some other reasons. Soon, I am going back, to begin again my struggle.