Imagine if the warrior code was different. What would have happened if medicine cats were allowed to have kits? If this rule was taken away, what would have happened to Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze? Would Leafpool have raised them herself? And if so, would Alderkit, Sparkkit, Dandelionkit, and Juniperkit have come sooner? What if they'd been the prophecy cats? Or would there have been no prophecy at all?

I'll always remember the day I found out I was expecting kits. I never expected to become a mother. I was a medicine cat. I mean, it isn't against the warrior code, but it is frowned upon. But Crowfeather and I...well, I had no regrets. However, I didn't have an apprentice, so I was worried about something happening to me. 

But when Hollykit, Jaykit, and Lionkit were born, I was so happy. They were beautiful. Though I'm sure every queen thinks that about her kits.

Ferncloud helped me take care of them, some could say she showed me the ropes of motherhood. And Crowfeather loved them just as much as I did. 

But then I learned about the prophecy. 

Firestar told me one day, the night after receiving it. At the time, Squirrelflight was also expecting kits. She hadn't told me, but I knew. I could tell. My kits could be the prophecy cats. Or hers. I secretly hoped that it was Squirrelflight's kits, because I couldn't bear the thought of Hollykit, Jaykit, or Lionkit being put in danger. It's selfish, I know, but I couldn't help it. 

Though there's no avoiding destiny. When they were apprenticed, it soon became clear that they were the cats of the prophecy. Jaypaw could walk in dreams of other cats, that Lionpaw couldn't be injured in battle, and that Hollypaw could see and hear things better than any other cat. This scared me more than I can say. Jaypaw especially, as he was blind, and I feared for his safety. 

Crowfeather was just as worried as I was. But I still remember my mother's voice as she told me to leave it alone, let StarClan watch over them.

Soon Alderkit, Sparkkit, Juniperkit, and Dandelionkit were born. Sadly, Juniperkit and Dandelionkit died, and Squirrelflight was heartbroken. I took Jaypaw on as my apprentice after it became clear that he wasn't cut out to be a warrior. Not because of his blindness - I was sure he could do anything if he tried to. But he received a vision, and nobly he voluntarily became the medicine cat apprentice. Normally, Clan leaders didn't assign kits to be mentored by their parents, but Firestar made an exception. 

And then Crowfeather was killed in a dog attack. I'll never forget Onestar's face when I met him while he was patrolling the borders and I was collecting herbs. His tone told me something was wrong. I knew it was about Crowfeather right away. But I never expected he'd be telling me my mate had died.

I was devastated, but tried not to show it, for my kits' sake. They did know their father, but not as well as I'd have liked them to. 

I don't remember everything that happened leading up to the battle with the Dark Forest. Everything's kind of a blur. I remember my kits' warrior ceremony (and medicine cat ceremony, for Jayfeather), though. Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze. I was so proud of them. And I do remember the feeling I had when I realized that some of my Clanmates, some of my friends, had betrayed me and the rest of ThunderClan by spying on us for the Dark Forest. I knew and loved these cats, and they'd stabbed me in the back. 

But the battle itself was a nightmare. I had to watch as my kits tried to save the Clan that they only half belonged to. I wished that I could pull them out and run far, far away from the war and bloodshed, but that would be unfair and selfish.

Thankfully they survived. But not everyone did. I remember finding out that Firestar had died. Sandstorm told me. I felt so powerless. I was just the medicine cat, and I wasn't even that good at my job. I wasn't able to save all the cats, even with my son's help. And Sparkpaw was severely injured in the battle. Now she has a similar wound to Brightheart's, who's helped my neice recover and taught her some useful battle moves for one-eyed cats.

It was horrible. All of it. But somehow, I don't regret anything. Even though I put my kits in danger, both physically and of ridicule for being half-Clan, I don't regret it. I still miss Crowfeather, but he visits me in dreams from time to time. 

Everything is good. Mostly. For now, at least.