July 2nd, 2019
Was my grandfather's 96th Birthday
He came over for dinner
Everything was going great
Except then I got scared

July for 4 years
Has resulted in
PTSD triggers for me
Because of the hell I went
Through in 2015

With the disease
Myalgic Encephalomyelitis
Where it nearly took my life
But I've been good
No triggers last year

Tonight, I was afraid something
Would set me off
So I drank more
Alcohol than normal
To stave off
The fear

When taking a shower
After the festivities
Realization kicked in
That being drunk
Was never going to fix
That past memory hell

Only stone cold sober
Could I make sure that
July became again
Just another hot summer month
3 years and 11 months into remission

I'm not the same person as before
So much has changed
I've gotten stronger
As a soul
A human

ME may always be in my body
But it no longer defines me
It's just another part of me
Just not a dominant one

Neither is the PTSD
Hashimoto's
Depression or anxiety

As a warrior
I fight fire with fire
I shall seek to not
Stave off the darkness
But fight it with HaShem's heavenly light

I am G-d's child, after all.