WARNING: Y'all probably don't want to read this but I have to vent or I'll do something stupid. I don't think this is a good idea to post this but I'm going to do it so that maybe getting my problems out will help me stop picking my fingers. This one is really bad so I advise you not to read it at all.

Let's start off with I'm a piece of shit. Like what is my fucking problem

Today I have been pissed off at the world because I was told my art was shit

And it is

But I wanted to prove them wrong so badly

I wanted to be that great person that I sometimes imagine myself to be

But I'm just a dumb ass wanna be guy. Honestly I don't know what I wanna be. I just hate being a girl because of things someone did to me awhile back

And I know I'm jumping subjects but I'm thinking a thought a minute

This guy took something that meant a lot to me because of my religion and now it's gone

I can't even fucking talk to my friends on Wattpad about it because I honestly am ashamed

I hate my body

I hate that I let people take advantage of me

But I'm such an idiot that I don't do anything about it

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGG

Why did God put me here in this place? Like I don't care that I'm suffering, I fucking deserve it. But like what good can I do like this?

Fucking broken on the inside

Trying to be my best for everyone

Always saying the wrong things

Like damn I'm tired of messing up

Ik Ik everyone messes up but I hate messing up to the point of cutting myself. My mom and dad fucking made me this way. They both left me and each other. My mom dumped me on my grandmother. And we had wonderful times together. But she would tell me everything..... she told me how my grandfather was abusive, how my mother rather be out with guys instead of me, how my father wanted to be free in Flordia instead of with me.

Now I've been raped. Yep I fucking said it

I've been raped

And I'm crying and if I post this I'm probably drunk Bc I would never tell people online about all this stuff

The only thing I honestly told is that my grandmother killed himself and I could of stopped it

I lost my best friends, who were dogs

I lost my real life friend Bc she had to move

My boyfriend takes all my other real life friends away from me

I only have him to talk to and I'm so fucking lonely

Y'all are sometimes the only reason I get up in the mornings

Besides my sisters who are both bi and I'm fucking scared for them

America might not even be here when I earn a college degree and I'm not gonna live in some fucked up socialist state. I will take whatever freedom I can and hold on to it

I don't care that people verbally abuse me because I think everyone is equal and that yeah the system is fucked up, but it's the system. It's not the people. Some of the people are the problem but what about those people who love all colors and got their shops and homes burned down

WHAT ABOUT THE HISTORICAL FIGURES WHO FUCKING MADE AMERICA INTO THE FREE COUNTRY IT IS. They deserve respect and yeah some of them did horrible stuff but everyone is human

EVERYONE HAS DONE ONE THING WRONG IN THEIR LIVES

YOU KNOW WHY ITS SO NOTICEABLE IN THOSE HISTORICAL FIGURES? ITS BECAUSE EVERYONE LOOKED/LOOKS UP TO THEM AND POINTED OUT THEIR FLAWS.

A lot of people tear others down in this world. And it won't ever stop

He just called me

I want to throw up

Everything is my fault

I hate myself

Why am I like this?

I want to hurt myself so badly my fingers are already bleeding but I can't because that's an easy way out

Without me, everyone would be better off

I just want a hug

Can I just please have a hug

My therapist says I have autistic tendencies. Is this why I'm struggling so hard?

I've been realizing that my boyfriend doesn't make me happy.

I tried to break up with him twice but he always gets me back somehow.

Fuck

My heart feels so heavy right now

I'm just so done right now

We solved the issue but I know their will be more

And I still feel hopeless so that's fun

I gotta watch a movie with him to 'calm me' down

Bye...

If you find this- please don't feel bad for me Bc who fucking cares about what I've been through anyway