ALLISON

He looks so disappointed.

Is he really that upset I wasn't invited?

The air is thick with tension and I desperately want to smooth away the scowl on Nick's face. I bet if you kiss his face, the scowl will go away.

Stop it, Allison.

I smile brightly at him. "It's okay, Nick," I tell him. "Really. I have to pick Lucy up after work and make sure she has her homework done and put her to bed. A night out isn't in the cards for me." I place a hand on his muscular bicep. "I'm not offended."

"Well, I am," Nick mutters. "If this were a sanctioned event, it would violate company policy."

His answer confuses me. Why would he be offended if I'm not? And how does he know about that company policy?

Right now, he reminds me of a boss who has caught his employee in a lie.

I feel like we are standing on the precipice and I need to reel it back now.

"My partying days are over," I stress. "A good night to me is one where I can be in bed by 8 pm and watch a stupid reality show. Going out doesn't interest me anymore."

He doesn't look at all satisfied with my answer. "All right then," he says, his eyebrows still knit together. "Have a good night, Allison."

He walks away so suddenly that my hand that was on his bicep is suspended in midair. I quickly move it down to my side and watch him leave.

I exhale. I don't think Nick truly believed me.

I do wish I had been invited, but fully understand why I wasn't.

How long has it been since the last time I went out? I can't remember. Probably the last time I had sex, to be honest. Which was probably about four years ago—

Yikes. No wonder why I'm wound so tightly.

I used to love going out. When I was in college, my friends and I were at bars and frat parties all the time. We would get absolutely plastered and dance our asses off. We would consider it a good night if we ended up in bed with someone.

If we ended up in bed with more than one person, it was an even better night.

My partying days came to a screeching halt when Meg got sick. Suddenly, I traded nights dancing on top of tables to nights caring for a baby Lucy when Meg was too tired, and helping Meg shave her hair off when the chemotherapy made it come out in patches.

I squeeze my hands into fists, my nails painfully biting into my skin. If I had the chance to re-do it, I would have stopped partying as much. I would have spent more time with Meg. I would have told her how much I loved her, what a great mother she was and how lucky Lucy was to have her as her mom.

I can still see Meg's smiling, healthy face, her blonde hair acting like a halo around her head. I swallow back the lump in my throat and my eyes fill with tears.

I miss you, Meggy. I wish I had more time with you.

I push away the memories swirling about and shake my head, clearing my mind. I can't get bogged down with sadness. It's Christmas time and I have an eight-year-old who needs to have a magical season. She always comes first.

After clocking out for the day, I head to my parents to pick Lucy up. My parents graciously offered to watch Lucy after school so I could pick up some more shifts. Lucy loves going to her grandparents house and my parents love having her.

After Meg died, my parents were going to raise Lucy but I raised a stink. Meg had put Lucy in my care and I would fulfill my sister's dying wish. After a lot of yelling and crying, it was agreed that Lucy would stay with me and my parents would remain a safety net for us.

It's been working well ever since.

"Allie Cat!"

Lucy nearly tackles me in a hug, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I steady myself but return her hug.

"Hey, Goose! How was your day?"

Lucy looks up, smiling. "It was great! Mrs. Hayes was super nice to me and even yelled at Ashley for trying to be mean to me!"

That's what I like to hear.

"Grandpa picked me up from school and he taught me some tai chi moves! Watch!" Lucy lets go of me and performs some clumsy arm movements. "He says this will help improve my heart health. I need to do this and drink green tea every morning," she says seriously.

I roll my eyes good-naturedly. My parents are old school hippies that never grew out of that "phase." They were holistic practitioners for over forty years, retiring when Lucy was born.

A black and white blur jumps onto the half-wall beside the door, hissing at me. I scowl. My parents cat – Slippers – is the bane of my existence. I loathe the cat and the feeling appears to be mutual.

Lucy giggles and scoops up the demon cat. "Silly kitty," she coos to the now purring animal.

Fucking cat.

I follow Lucy into the kitchen where my mom is busy smudging the room, chanting. My eyes water at the thick smell of sage.

"Jeez, Mom, I don't think this is good for Lucy's lungs."

My mom waves me off, her long gray hair swaying behind her. "Oh nonsense. This is necessary. I woke up with a powerful negative energy over me and I need to cleanse it." She resumes her chanting.

"You sure that negative energy wasn't Slippers?" I mutter, glaring at the cat.

My dad walks into the kitchen, a plastic bag full of weeds clutched in one hand as he cheerfully whistles a tune. Even though it's freezing outside, my dad is still wearing his trademark Hawaiian shirts.

"Allie!" Dad says in delight. "Excellent, I'm glad you're here. I found these great dandelion greens at the market." He brandishes the bag at me. "Lucy should eat this instead of eating disgusting animal byproducts. She will be healthier if she eats an entirely vegetarian diet."

"Dad, you know I don't have time to boil dandelion greens," I protest while also telling Lucy to grab her coat and backpack. Lucy puts Slippers down and the cat hisses at me again before skulking off.

Dad nods. "You're right, you don't. You work too hard, my girl," he says, stroking his trimmed, white beard. "You need to be careful or you're going to get sick. April, where's that elderberry syrup? We should give some to Allie and Lucy."

I don't bother to tell my parents that I already have children's medicine at home. They would probably have a heart attack if they knew I was giving Lucy conventional medicine. I love my parents but they border too much on the eccentric side.

Lucy then appears around the corner, her coat mercifully on and her backpack hanging off one shoulder. "I'm ready!" She announces.

"Excellent!" Dad exclaims and bends down to give Lucy a hug. "Remember what we talked about today," he says.

"Tai Chi and green tea every day for my health," Lucy responds seriously, staring into his eyes. "You got it, Grandpa."

I roll my eyes but wave to my parents as I back out of their driveway. Lucy bounces in the booster seat.

"Allie Cat, are we still going to have our movie marathon?" She asks anxiously.

"Of course we are going to have our movie marathon!" I exclaim. "We're going to order pizza, get into our pajamas, and start watching all the Home Alone movies."

Lucy's eyes widen with excitement. "Can we also start sewing the popcorn tinsel for the Christmas tree?" she asks desperately, nearly vibrating with glee.

I smile at her through the rearview mirror. "Of course we can."

Lucy shrieks with delight, happily kicking the back of my seat.

"Home Alone was your mom's favorite Christmas movie."

Lucy's eyes widen and she leans forward eagerly. "Really?"

I nod, reminiscing about holidays past when Meg and I would fight over the remote on who got to watch their favorite Christmas movie first. Since Meg was older, she always seemed to win.

"Yep. She always thought it was the perfect movie to kickstart the Christmas season."

Meg and I used to spend hours every holiday season watching every Christmas movie available. You name it, we watched it.

That all changed when Meg started dating Lucy's dad. Suddenly, our movie dates became a trio and then they stopped all together.

I shake my head. You can't go down that road, Allie. It's dangerous.

I spot a road sign indicating that the ice skating rink at the local park is open for the season. I smile. This would be perfect to surprise Lucy with.

I quickly merge over to exit toward the park and Lucy's eyebrows furrow. "Where are we going, Allie Cat?" she asks. "This isn't the way home."

"You'll see," I say mischievously.

I pull into the parking lot and turn off the car. I turn toward a confused Lucy. "How about a little ice skating around the Christmas tree before we head home and order pizza?"

Lucy's mouth drops. "Really?" she breathes. "Really?"

I laugh. "Surprise!"

She squeals and gets out of her booster seat in record time. "Let's go, Allie Cat!" Lucy exclaims. "This is the best surprise ever!"

Tears spring to my eyes. It doesn't take much to please Lucy and my heart squeezes.

I love her so much it hurts.

***

Lucy expertly zips past me, weaving her way through the other people ice skating. Her green scarf flutters in the breeze. It takes everything in me to not call out and tell her to be careful. Lucy knows what she's doing. When she took ice skating lessons last year, she was top of her class.

I clutch my styrofoam cup of watered down hot cocoa and sit on a nearby bench. I wince as my butt makes contact with the seat. I've already fallen twice and rather than embarrass myself a third time, I decide to take a break.

I sigh, my breath visible in the cold air. The city did an excellent job decorating the park. Lights are strung up in the trees, twinkling merrily. Christmas music plays through a nearby speaker. It's hard to hear the music through the laughter and excited chatter of the ice skaters.

It's the perfect winter wonderland scene that I've been missing this holiday season.

But why does it not make me happy?

I watch as one couple skates by, leaning forward to briefly kiss each other.

It's easy to forget how lonely I am until I'm confronted with couples.

My thoughts trail to Nick. I wonder if he's enjoying himself at the work get-together. Does he like ice skating?

I try not to picture myself ice skating hand-in-hand with Nick. I try not to picture myself doing other things with Nick.

What would be so wrong with giving in and having some fun with him? He seemingly feels the same way. I know I'm not imagining that.

I cross my legs tightly, feeling that uncomfortable throbbing again. I can feel my resolve weakening whenever I'm around him and it's getting harder to resist him.

I feel like Icarus flying too close to the sun.

But it's been so long since I've had sex and a girl has needs. My trusty vibrator can only do so much.

It would only be just sex. It's not like I'm looking for an actual relationship; I don't have time for that. I just need the itch to be scratched. That's it.

I sigh again. Who am I kidding? To find someone who would love me and Lucy would be wonderful. But who wants to take on a workaholic who has a child?

Lucy laughs and I can't help but smile when I hear that melodic sound. Her joy is contagious. I watch as she makes friends with another child and they race each other down the length of the rink.

Lucy is my happiness and joy. I can't be lonely when I have her by my side.

That thought lightens my heart.

I stand up and toss away the piss poor excuse for hot cocoa. It's time for me to try ice skating again. I can't possibly fall down a third time.

I gingerly head over to the rink entrance and place one hesitant foot on the ice. You got this, girl.

I lean forward to push off and as I do, I look up and my mouth drops open as I spot a familiar person.

It's Nick.

But he's not alone. He's with a woman.

Is he on a date? Is he seeing someone?

Of course he's seeing someone, Allison. Why the hell do you think he would ever want to date his manager?