🐞MTOABB🐞

We have barely spoken, and this time around I was to blame. I doubt he was losing sleep from that, but I know I was.

Mr. Miller sent out an email last night about the assignment, and I promise I tried to get something done, but anything and everything I wrote wasn't me so I opted for a fail mark that I know I will be presented with today. Gomes hadn't yet arrived, and I wasn't sure if he was going to - that is how you know that we have not been talking.

Mr. Miller said I could present last - he was trying to give Gomes time to pitch up and so was I as I sat crossing my fingers, wishing that he shows up with something to display. If he didn't we would both be fucked - what excuse would we give Mr. Miller? Sorry, we sort of are not talking right now because Prinse doesn't realise what a dime I am? Doubt he would accept such a lousy excuse, I wouldn't if I was him, because at the end of the day, you have a duty to fulfill and mine was to hand in an assignment with my partner.

I watch as Katelyn climbs up the stage, knowing once she was done, it would be my turn. We've been talking and hanging out since Monday and I appreciate that I have a friend. She's not bad at all and she doesn't like Gomes like I had assumed - because yes, I assumed. Does that make me an insecure girlfriend? I don't think so, you saw him not answer my question about what we have become. That's in the air and with him leaving in less than a few months - it's pointless even allowing my heart to ponder on what we could become.

She didn't have a partner, and she clearly didn't need one, she was doing brilliantly on her own.

"...you messed up my yesterday, just so you could gift me with a better tomorrow and although my heart sometimes tell me that I miss you - my brain gets in the way and reminds me of your wrongdoing - in our bed that we shared she laid naked under the sheets that I bought with the money I worked hard for. At first I shouted because it came naturally and then I cried because I realised we were over, and no matter how many times you tried to get us back together, my trust was worth more than you could afford. But it was your life that I owed you when I heard you were now a ghost wandering the world with everyone nonliving. This time around it was my brain that couldn't stop pestering me because you weren't the one on the other side of the door whenever I heard a knock..." I watch as she stops to take in a deep breath and I realise then that I too needed to breathe as I was holding in my breath for what felt like the longest time.

It was everything I never wanted to experience because I don't know how I would be able to survive it.

"You promised me forever and when that happened, I realised what a big liar you were - I didn't know then that a month after your passing, I would later be waking in the hospital bed with your heart inside me - you gave me an eternity that I didn't know I deserve, but you were always the giving kind. I wished for the longest time that I had died, because then I could tell you to your face that I forgive you and our lips would touch like lovers as if nothing atrocious ever came between us. I can longer miss you, because I realised now that I have the biggest piece of you - your heart."

The room went quiet, and not because it wasn't good, but because Katelyn had never been this raw before - it was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard and she was the most beautiful she could ever be as she stood there with tears streaming down her cheeks.

He clapped first, you wouldn't have missed it even if you tried. It echoed through the walls of the room and everyone's heads turned, but not mine - I already knew. I wanted to say I was still mad at him, but after hearing her words, all I wanted to do was jump on him and give him the biggest kiss I could master. I never want to fight with him to the point where we stop talking, because in the end I would be losing the best thing that ever happened to me.

He was kind. He was honest. He was loving. He was breath-taking. He was the most beautiful boy I've ever got to call mine.

We ended up not doing ours - thank the bell because I don't think I would have been able to come up with something as exquisite as that was - I would be shunned if anyone was to have heard what I had attempted to write during the lesson.

Katelyn had left the class right after her speech that I was not able to get to her.

"Rossita, please,' he says as I brush past him. I stop in my trail because I wanted us, no matter how many times I tried to hide it - Gomes was mine even if I wasn't his like Holly once was.

We walked to his car in silence, neither one of us tried to make small talk. But I already knew what I was going to do once we got into that car. He opened the door for me and climbed in. I waited for him to walk around to his side - I told myself not to seem eager but once he sat down and I could feel and hear his presence in the way that he took in a deep breath and drummed on the steering wheel - I knew then that any anger I once held had now dissipated.

I turn to look at him, finding that he was already memorising every detail of my face in the way that he stayed so still.

"Kiss me," I whisper and his eyes flutter out of it.

"No," he says and turns to face the front.

I would leave me if I could right now - the highest level of embarrassment and I wasn't surprised that he played a role in it. He was always the villain in my book, never the hero, and even then, I still love him.

Love? This is what it was meant to feel like? All confusion and tears and so much pain. I wasn't sure what I felt for him was love, but it was close to something, because this is the strongest feeling that a boy has ever gotten out of me.

My feelings for Zack could never compare - it had always been lust because the moment I was able to see clearer, I opted to leave, but it's never like that with Gomes - no matter what - I end up coming back to him.