Three years ago

"What do you mean you're not going?"

Vicky sat up in bed and clutched the sheet to her chest. I was delusional to think she'd understand.

"I can't. I'm really sorry. I know it's a big deal for you. I'll make it up to you; I promise."

"You'll make it up to me?" Vicky's eyes got huge and were already brimming with tears. Fuck.

"It's only one evening, Vicky. There will be more parties and more dances." My reasoning was lame, but she knew why I needed to be home. She knew what it was like for me.

"There won't be another party like this one, Liam. We're going to graduate. We're supposed to dance in front of the entire school, and you dump me?"

"You know why, and I'm not dumping you. He needs me. Some things are more important than that damn party, Vicky. I thought—"

"You thought what? That you'd come here, sleep with me, and then drop the bomb?"

"I'm telling you that I need to be at home. It's been really bad this week, baby."

Vicky was crying now, facing away from me. I lifted my hand to brush her tears away and tuck in the loose strand from the bun she wore to our dance practice earlier.

"I'm sorry," I said because I really wanted to make it better.

"You're always sorry, Liam, and nothing ever changes. We're together, but I'm alone. What's going on at home is always more important than me. Everyone is more important."

I didn't argue with her this time. What could I say? It wasn't like I had a choice. Vicky went on ranting, and I thought about whether there'd be food in the fridge at home. It was almost dinner time. I prayed for him to be there and keep his promise for once.

Vicky caught me looking at the clock and shook her head in disbelief.

"Are you even listening to me?" she whispered, defeated.

"I am, of course, I am. It's just that-"

"You have to go, right?"

We looked at each other for a moment. I leaned in to give her a kiss, but she didn't let me.

"I'll call you, okay?" I glanced at Vicky before picking up my clothes from her bedroom floor.

"Don't bother, Liam. Just go."

I got dressed quickly and made my way out. Vicky was mad, but I was afraid that problem was the smallest one I had.

I was proven right when I turned the key in the lock and entered our apartment. Tim ran to me, his small bare feet slapping against the worn wooden floorboards.

"Hey, buddy." I pressed his small body to mine and kissed him on his soft cheek. "Is Dad home?"

Tim shook his head.

"Have you eaten?"

"No," he said. I heard his stomach grumble, and that sound alone was enough to stir up all the rage I'd managed to suppress.

I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. The sight of empty shelves greeted me, and I wasn't even surprised. Tim followed me around the apartment as I rushed to my room and pulled the box with my savings from under the mattress, only to see there was nothing inside. The money was gone, and I knew who took it.

I threw the closet door open and reached for the envelope taped to the wall behind my winter clothes. Luckily, there was money in there — the money I'd saved for Vicky's present. I took it out with heaviness in my chest.

Why would he do this to his children? Why would he leave his five-year-old son at home alone, only to go and get drunk somewhere? He was supposed to be here.

"I'm hungry," said Tim.

Gripping his small hand, I led him out of the apartment. We walked a few blocks to a fast-food place. It wasn't the best food for a kid, but I needed to make my money last until I got paid. I blinked away the tears when I realized everything I'd managed to save from tutoring last week was now gone.

Watching Tim devour his burger, I wondered how many hours he spent alone, hungry while I was at my girlfriend's getting laid.

The voice in my head told me it was what a normal seventeen-year-old guy would do, but nothing about my life was normal. Nothing had been since cancer took my mother away, and my father started to drown his pain in alcohol. I trusted him to stay home tonight. I should've known better.

My brother finished his fries, and we went back home. It was already late. I made sure Tim brushed his teeth before I tucked him in and read aloud a couple of pages of his favorite book until he was sound asleep.

Having made myself a cup of coffee, I sat in the kitchen, waiting for my father to come home. One cup wasn't enough, so I drank another one and busied myself with studying. I had one exam left before I was done with high school. I was a straight-A student, but I wasn't going to college; there wasn't money for that, and I couldn't rely on my father to take care of Tim. My heart ached when I remembered the promises I made to my mom before she passed away. I told her that I'd study a degree, that I'd dance, and, most importantly, that I'd take care of my dad and my brother.

I might have been about to break the first two promises, but I was never going to break the third one.

That's why when I heard my drunk father stumble outside our apartment, I rushed over to help him in before he woke Tim up and made him see the state he was in.

The stench of alcohol hit me right in the face. My dad couldn't stand on his feet, so I dragged him to the bathroom. I knew what would come next.

After he emptied his stomach in the toilet, I handed him a glass of water. It was when he took it that my eyes paused on the blood on his hands.

I reached for the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and grabbed it together with the sterile gauze. When my dad's hands were clean and bandaged, and he was no longer in danger of choking on his vomit, I led him to his bed.

"She's gone, Liam," my father cried. "Your mom isn't coming back."

"I know, Dad," I replied and covered him with the blanket.

I had a right to hate him for taking my money and spending it on booze, for neglecting Tim and me, for being the reason why I wasn't able to go to prom with my girlfriend, but as I lay in bed listening to his sobs, all I could feel was pity.

***

"This has to stop, Dad. Mom is gone, but I need you. Tim needs you. He can't grow up seeing you drunk every day. You need help. I asked around, and there are programs—"

"I'm sorry, son." My father rubbed his temples. "I know I haven't been the best dad, but I'll try, I swear. It's going to be better."

I wanted to believe him, I did. The truth was, it wasn't the first time he'd promised the same thing.

Our graduation party was tonight. Vicky had been avoiding me for the last couple of days, and it made me feel like shit. After all, she was my girlfriend. We'd been together for two years, which, given our age, was long enough. We were each other's firsts. If my father could stay at home...

"Dad." I cleared my throat. "Do you think you could stay in and take care of Tim this evening? It's my graduation, and I'm supposed to dance with Vicky."

"Sure. You go, son. Tim and I will be fine."

Looking at my dad got harder with each passing day. He was no longer the cheerful and handsome man I knew. His eyes were empty and hollow, and the wrinkles around them got deeper. Sagging and pale, his skin seemed to belong to someone much older. My dad was young, but he didn't look like it anymore. Drinking and grief had taken their toll.

By the time I was ready to leave, it was already late. I spent ages ironing my only decent shirt, knowing I couldn't turn up at the party dressed in whatever way. Leaving my brother with my dad still filled me with worry, but when I saw them watching cartoons together, I was relieved.

When I made it to school, the party was about to start. Luckily, we weren't going to dance until later. I spotted a couple of friends with their girlfriends, but I didn't stop to chat, settling on a small wave instead. I wanted to surprise Vicky.

After my eyes had roamed the crowd of students for what seemed like ages looking for her without any luck, I started to think she decided not to come. I looked around the hall, hoping to see her dark hair and the dress I knew she'd wear, but there was no trace of her.

I was about to go and ask my friends if they'd seen my girlfriend when something caught my attention.

A couple was kissing passionately in the dark corner of the hall.

My heart sank to my stomach.

The girl in the guy's arms was Vicky.

I froze and stared at them like a complete idiot.

When Vicky spotted me, her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to say something, but I shook my head and made my way out.

"Liam!" she shouted, running after me. The click of her heels cut through the quiet of the summer night, making me stop in my tracks and let her catch up with me.

"I thought you wouldn't come," she panted, fiddling with the small purse she was clutching in her hands.

"I shouldn't have."

Looking at Vicky hurt. I might not have been the best boyfriend, but seeing her with another guy felt like a stab in my back.

"I'm sorry. I let him kiss me because I was upset with you. It meant nothing, I swear."

Slowly, my eyes traveled up Vicky's body until they landed on her face. I couldn't tell whether she was genuinely sorry, and it bothered me even more than what I'd witnessed earlier.

"You sure as fuck were kissing the guy back, Vicky," I bit out.

"Maybe I was, so what? It's not like you care."

"If I didn't care, I wouldn't have come here today, leaving Tim with my father."

"You can't even see it isn't normal." Vicky raised her voice. "You're not Tim's father; you're his brother! You don't have to act like his parent, because you're not. You're only seventeen. You're missing out on all the fun-"

"And you think I don't know that?" I yelled. "I don't have a freaking choice, because my father isn't able to take care of himself, let alone Tim. Tim's my little brother, Vicky; he's my family."

"It's always going to be like that, isn't it?" Vicky's eyes bored into mine. "I'll always be less important than them to you."

"It's not some fucking game of who's more important." I took a calming breath, wondering how it all went to hell so fast.

"I think we shouldn't be together anymore," she quietly said. "I love you, but I can't be with someone who doesn't want to give me his all."

"You could've broken up with me without cheating on me in front of the entire school."

Something in Vicky's expression caught my eye. I stared at her in disbelief.

"Wait...it wasn't the first time you kissed him, was it?"

"Liam, I—"

"When we slept together a week ago—"

"Liam, don't..."

I laughed because I suddenly felt like the most stupid guy on Earth.

"You know what? You're right. It's time we ended this, Vicky. I'm not the guy you want me to be, and it looks like you already have someone else. I hope you're happy. And I hope his life is less complicated than mine. Bye, Vicky. Enjoy the night."

I walked away without looking back at her. As my feet pounded the asphalt of the empty streets on my way back home, I finally let the tears flow.

I wouldn't make the same mistake of thinking I could have it all.

Never again.

So, what are your thoughts on the story so far? Are you enjoying it?

Love,
A.