Well,

I'm now nearly fifteen and I'm a girl.

This is kinda long so yeah.

I've always been very quiet, like VERY since I was in kindergarten, so here in Italy when you're 2-3 years old to 5.

Teachers would always say to my parents that I didn't speak or that I would keep to myself.

And also there was one girl who is one year older than me would always bother and bully me.

But now she's changed and she apologized so we are on good terms we don't talk tho, only casual hi when we see each other.

I had three friends.

First is G.

G was the sister of twins that were my brothers friends.
so our mothers were kind of close too.

So since we were born we would meet.

She was always kind to me and she kept that attitude till the end.

The only thing was that she was best friend with A so I would always feel excluded with them.

Second is A.

Now A, her behaviour towards me was always strange.

I have so many memories of her just staring at me and staying silent.

During middle school she'd ignore me and only talk to me during french class because G wasn't there.

She never invited me to her birthdays only once but that was when we were little (probably her parents did so).

Never wished me happy birthday even tho I always did that to her.

She ignores me when we see each other now that we are in different high schools.

If wish a happy new year she leaves it on seen.

Third V

V was always super kind and when I'd cried she would always comfort we played with each other a lot.

The fact is now we just say hi to each other nothing more.

In middle school she became best friend with another girl so yeah.

Everytime we would be together I'd feel left out.

I remember just standing against a radiator alone during break in middle school because I felt left out with them.

Not one of them ever felt the need to come look for me.

The break was just 10 min but they were so painful they were the proof that

I was indeed alone.

-_+_---+_-/+-+_+_-/+_+_+/+/+++++____/+++/++

I thought things would be better with high school.

I was in a new school school where I didn't know anyone.

But that meant I could start all over again, a new fresh start right?

I'd finally someone to call a friend, right?

It wasn't a problem, I just had to introduce myself.

I had to talk, easy right?

My first day was far from that.

I arrived last because I couldn't find my class.

Everyone's attention on me.

When did that start to bother me so much?

People's stare

I stayed silent the whole hour.

I glanced at my new classmates and most of them already knew each other so there already where friend groups.

Not a big deal I could always just fit in right?

I didn't talk to anyone just a little conversation with someone let's call her N.

On top of that I took the wrong bus and had to switch.

_____________________-------------------------------

The next they L approached me and asked me what genre of music I like (I'm a kpop stan) and saw she was on weverse ( a platform for kpop stans) so I answered Kpop and we started talking.

I was comfortable with her.

Then another girl AL started becoming friends with us and they both started gradually ignoring and excluding me.

And L suddenly started becoming irritated at everything I said

Maybe she just doesn't like me.

Or I did smth wrong, I don't know.

Anyways, after I made 2 other friends S and the N girl I talked to the first day.

At school it all went well and now it's summer break.

They said we would hang out.

I waited for any messages.

1 week, 2 weeks, nothing.

I messages them, they both agreed but then

"Sorry, I have to help my mother"

"Sorry, I just remembered I can't"

"Let's hang out saturday"

So I of course asked them where since I live 20 km from them.

They said we would decide on friday.

"So where will we go?"

Minutes, hours, no messages.

So I just thought that maybe they were busy.

Days after still nothing

I stopped checking when more than one week after S answered

"I just saw the message now"

It's okay she must have many to talk to maybe she really did not see it

N instead after weeks she just left it on seen.

Nearly one month passed but not one breath.

They just disappeared.

Maybe I was annoying them, wasn't I?

They have other people anyways.

They wouldn't care if I stopped talking to them.

So here I am.

Feeling as alone as ever.

No friends left.

I hate summer breaks.

At least during school I can keep myself busy.

But now I have so much free time that I overthink.

Maybe I was just made for that.

To be someone people use then throw like an object.

A/N

Thank you for reading this even tho it's just me ranting.
if u want to share something feel free to do so.
my DMs are open as well.

Bye