So today was liturgy day, meaning that it's requires us females to wear a skirt or dress, while the males wear a nice dress shirt, khakis or slacks, and some sort of tie. It was Grandparents/Godparents day at our school, so obviously the school just wanted us to FLATTER the elders.

I can actually say I looked cute today, did my makeup a little different, curled my hair to perfection, it was all good.

I hate when I see dumb bitches at my school wear these insane heels that are 4 inches and they can't even walk in them, I just seriously wanna "accidentally" bump them a tiny bit to see if they can actually fucking balance or nah.

Just so you know, I STILL like this guy, and it's so stupid 😂 he looked DAMN HAWT today though. Since he is in good shape and stuff, everything was perfectly fit and I was like "DAAAAMMMNNN! DAT BOOTY THOUGH!!"

Like, he was wearing these dark nice pants with a super dark gray dress shirt that had a slight shine to it, finishing with a dark tie with dark grey and purple designs on it, and it was HOT.

Yeahhhh I made eye contact with him way too many times.

I can't stop obsessing. Last Saturday was prom, and even though he wasn't my date, cause I went with my best guy friend Andre, he was attractive. He didn't have a date though? Like, he kinda did, but apparently with a girl he didn't know. I knew the girl, her names Maddy, and she's such a sweet girl. She's a senior, but it was funny how they were each other's dates and they barely hung around each other. Lol.

So dinner was included in prom, and guess who's at the table right next to mine? Ben and some other people. UGH WORST DISTRACTION EVER.

So basically I've seen him all gorgeous in a matter of 6 days. Damn. I hate it when we make random eye contact, it's so frustrating like WHAT DO YOU WANT, HOTTIE?

Boy rants, again. Ugh.

Well, this book is about rants, so I'm still doing something legal.

I'll tell another rant.

So on Wednesday, we had our black day classes, which included the same English class Ben and I share. Right now we're reading "the great Gatsby" and it's actually a good book. Highly recommend it. We've been doing these seminar things, and I HATE SEMINARS. OH GOD EW. It's a nightmare to speak in front of people, so I just have to write my teacher a short essay on the seminar and chapters.

Anyways, the desks are shaped into two circles, one inside and one outside circle surrounding the inner one. For some reason, Bens always in the first seminar, and I'm in the second so I start on the outside and he starts on the inside circle.

Before I talk about the recent Wednesday, I'll talk about the first seminar.

In English our teacher has notecards with our names on it, and places it on a random desk so that would be our seat for the day. We can draw on it and shit, so mine's pretty decorative.

Why there's two seminars: we have a random partner that grades us. Our teacher grabs all the name cards in the middle circle, then randomly distributes them to the people in the outside.

Guess who's card I got? FREAKING BEN.

So I drew a krabby patty on it. His was boring, so why not.

My ways of flirting 😂😭

I'm positive he hasn't erased it, so that's good. It's been a few weeks, so it must be worth keeping 😂

Anyways, on Wednesday Ben sat in a desk across from mine on the outer circle, an I could see him clearly because he was literally in my view between two desks in the inner circle.

Of course, that was the desk that was SUPER CREAKY. I mean, HELLAAAA CREAKY.

So during the second seminar, someone randomly asked a question, and it was DEAD SILENT for a few seconds, until I hear a creaking sound 😂 I looked up to Ben, who was sitting up straight, obviously stretching in his seat, frozen in place from making the creaking sound. He had a goofy smile on his face, and he glanced at me for a couple seconds, then I cracked up and of course I smiled back. That eye contact was for real oh my god 😂😂😂

Like, it was WEIRD. Like why are you glancing at me? Of course I looking at your gorgeous self.

It's crazy how I remember all these details, but I can't remember an equation in Trig. I can remember the few times he opened the door for me, and EVERYTHING but I can't do MATH. Ugh. Teenage girl struggles.

I'm like, just NOT popular whatsoever, I have only a few junior friends, but Ben is well-known in our class. I have too many dumb struggles.

So my friend Andre and I were texting a few days ago, and his parents aren't even taking care of him. He's going through a lot, like he had to sleep in my best friend/band buddy/neighbors house a couple nights ago because his dad was drunk and his mom was gone, so he was stuck at Albertsons around 10:30. That was AFTER our texting conversation, and he told me the next day at school since I asked him why he didn't have his school backpack.

In our texting conversation, he texted me that Ben had a really awesome score in his lacrosse game, and I was like "I'm so jealous you're watching while I'm at home!" And later on, our conversation actually kinda got deep, to me saying something like "You can tell me anything or whatever's bothering you, you're my best guy friend."

He is, so he told me and I felt SO BAD. So bad that I actually cried about it cause I didn't know.

I felt like I had to blur Bens full first name 😂

Anyways, I felt like a jerk cause he's a sophomore and I'm a junior, but I always said to my sophomore guy friends that "I don't date underclassmen" all the time, and he'd always be around so I must've made him feel like shit without me intending to at all. Secondly, I've liked Ben for pretty much the whole year, I just told him in February during our Anti-tolo thing cause tolo at our school is dumb. Him, me, my legit best friend and others just went out past midnight to hang out 😂

But that text still made me cry so much.  After it, he said that he liked me from the end of last year and just didn't care when he found out that I liked someone else, not him.

So it's been really awkward. Today in English we went to the seniors creative writing English class to watch their projects, which was multiple films, and my other best friend/band buddy/ neighbor was in that class. YAY. Her name is Linz, and we're both super close friends with Andre, and she told me that Andre told her about our conversation, so it was cool. It's just that he does still like me a little, but mostly as a best friend, which relieved me.

I didn't mean to literally crush my best guy friends heart right into the pavement, I didn't even know he did. To be honest, I've never liked him that way, and it makes me feel even worse because I don't think I can imagine him and I actually dating.

So that's why I'm super awkward around him now, especially today. Thank the lord the weekends here.

I'm glad that he understand that being best friends is how it should be, but after that convo I just feel awkward. I didn't even know how to handle the situation. He definitely knows I like Ben cause I always tell him every detail, so it's cool.

So there's some more boy rants. Yay. Got an SAT test tomorrow, my first one actually. I'm freaking out. It'll be over soon enough, hey it'll be over in less than 24 hours!

Kill me now.

Adios amigos.

Here's a funny video with the "it is Wednesday my dudes" vine, with other crap that is hilarious 😂 enjoy