⚠️SOME DEPRESSING AND MOST LIKELY NOT WORTH WHILE SHIT AHEAD ⚠️

Hey. Look uh. . . . Sorry for not posting alot? This goes for my other book to. Soooo . . . . School started and I met up w/ my old middle school friends. . . I feel distanced from them tho. Like. . . .they don't want me around. One of them has AP History w/ me and when I said hi she just waved and went back to talking to some other ppl. I just stood there awkwardly. . . . Cuz. She was the only person I knew in the class that I was friends w/ and. . . . She just ignored me. Athazagographobia. The fear of forgetting, being forgotten, and/or ignored. This is one of the top 3 phobias of mine. And. . . I fear it everyday. It wasn't until around the end of summertime when I realized I was afraid of being forgotten. Of being ignored. It pains me. I feel like me expressing my depression is pushing my friends away. So I hide it. I put on a fake smile. I act all chipper. I act like the child I used to be. The child I used to be before depression got ahold of me. When it started 2 voices where created. They aren't bad. They actually help me since no one else in my life seemed to have noticed the many things wrong w/ me. No one notices the fact that I'm hardly ever sad. Or the forced smile I give. Or the fact that I slump around everywhere. The fact that I hurt myself and ask for aid, yet get laughed at in the face. They say "It's just a small scratch. No need for a bandaid/bandage/etc". No one believes me when I tell the truth. Like how I tried to explain that I have insomnia and that even sleeping pills won't work for me. Or that I did something and one of the kids messed it up again. Or that I didn't do anything but sense one of the kids said I did, I did and that I'm just lying. No one believes me when I say I'm not lazy, it's the fact that I feel worthless and that I'll end up messing some shit up. I'm sorry. I've probably wasted u guy's time. I'll stop now. I've rambled enough as is. Heh probably ran off a few ppl. Peace ✌️
~~Jack