// You might want to listen to "Secret Love" by Little Mix ft Jason Derulo while reading this chapter. I kept replaying it.

"Hey, slut." Embry shouts from her car when she spots me heading towards Leigh's empty car. Beside her are Suri and Lilith.

Even I can't hide the tension in my heart as it begins to race.

God, please give me the strength to endure that obnoxious human.

I have no choice but to turn in their direction and put on the best smile I can manage.

"Hi." I fake an energetic voice in my response.

"You'll be riding with me. We're headed to Embry's, where we're baking cookies. Or is it biscuits? That's what you call them, right?" Lilith cheerfully informs me.

Although I'm anything but cheerful, I can't stop myself from feeling instantly dejected. This time of the day means a lot to me, as I always have the opportunity to spend time with someone I can barely survive without, Leigh.

As a liar, I should probably come up with something, or else I'll lose the rest of the afternoon and early evening with Leigh.

"I have homework. It involves research," I tell the three girls.

"Come on. It'll be fun," Suri pouts. "We've missed you. You're always busy these days. I don't get it. You're a sophomore, and you don't have to deal with science like Quinn or Lilith, but they both have time for the group."

Okay, that hit hard. My instinctive comeback is, "You think literature is simple?" I purse my lips at her, daring her to challenge me. Yes, Lilith and Quinn do the calculations, but not everyone can articulate the expression and form in connection with ideas of permanent and universal interest. Not everyone will study the environment, the culture, and the setting of a particular place and put it into words. Literature also requires intelligence and a lot of hard work.

"No, Ava," Suri frowns. "I'm just saying you need to have fun. We're all you've got, and we're friends."

Correction of speech. They're not all I've got. I have Evie and Leigh, and Lilith and I are not friends, whether I like it or not; we are family. Besides, I don't even know if I can call these girls friends. All they do is insult me with their mean words.

"If I may ask, what is so important that you'd rather go home than hang out with everyone?" Embry stands upright from her bumper and crosses her arms.

"I told you, I have homework," I fire back irritably. She's giving me one of those looks she usually shoots me in the cafeteria, the ones that make my skin crawl.

"Since when are you obsessed with homework? Unless you're hiding something from us? Are you, Ava?" Embry stops a foot away from me with a very malevolent smile on her face.

Her threatening words have the intended effect on me. They leave me feeling uneasy, unable to swallow the lump in my throat. I look away and find solace in the concrete beneath my feet.

"Embry, leave her alone. If she doesn't want to come, it's okay. She's my sister, and she has no secrets. She's only fifteen but has more religious knowledge than any of us here," Lilith firmly says to her friend, who continues to glare at me.

Not only am I deceiving others, but I'm also lying to Lilith. She trusts me, even though she has only known me for less than two months. She always stands up for me when I can't defend myself, and I'm repaying her with a dark lie—acting all innocent, pretending to be fifteen.

No, Lilith, you're wrong. I have no knowledge at all. I'm the sinner of all. And what scares me the most is that I have no regret, no intention of repentance.

I'm always and forever for Leigh, and I don't care how much sin I commit or how wrong it is. I'm ready to embrace the consequences as long as it leads me to that scent of him that says everything will be alright.

"Sometimes the evidence is right in front of you; you're just blind to see it," smugness evident in Embry's chilly voice.

I stand in the car park, feeling strained, waiting for this moment to end. And it does. Embry leans back into her former position.

"What are they discussing? I don't understand her recent one-on-one communication with Lord Zachary," Suri says to her friend while her eyes dart between two cars where Quinn stands in jeans and a red blouse, with high heels and a laptop in her arms. Opposite her is Zachary, the guy I seem to despise without reason. Or maybe there is a reason. Who dances with a drunk girl at a party and later disappears with her?

Moreover, I don't understand his persistence since Tyron's party.

"He's not Brandon that I'd say she's buying drugs," Lilith giggles.

"Maybe she's hooking up with him. Honestly, who wouldn't? When your boyfriend happens to be the only girl singer, you'll definitely have eyes for the best defensive guy on the field. He sure knows how to push," Embry devilishly smiles at her manicured nails.

I've never hated anyone as much as I hate her. How can someone be so cruel?

"Or maybe he's getting in her way, and she wants him out," the need to defend Quinn is too strong to keep to myself.

The three girls glance at me and burst into laughter simultaneously, while I frown at their indifferent behavior towards someone they claim is their best friend.

"You're so typically fifteen," Embry says to me just as Leigh appears with Tyron by his side.

Before they even come to a halt in front of us, Embry is jumping off her Ferrari bumper and scurrying into the arms of someone who's meant only for me, someone who suddenly looks terrified as his eyes lock directly with mine. "Hey, bae," Embry squeals and kisses his chin. I'm sure she aimed for the lips, but the height difference and Leigh's instinctive shift didn't give her a chance.

"Hey," Leigh's voice is flat when he responds while attempting to disconnect their bodies.

Although we all know how persistent Embry can be, since she didn't give him any other choice but to give up trying.

Tyron is already laughing while swinging his arms around Lilith and Suri. Suri doesn't protest, but Lilith certainly does. She has a scowl on her face as he struggles to remove his arms from around her.

"I missed you so much; it's been a while since we hung out. What happened?" Embry says to Leigh in a seductive yet naive manner.

"Practice," Leigh states.

I've lost count of how many times I've forced myself to swallow, as everything that used to spark my appetite has turned into a bitter mixture, giving me an instant headache and, most likely, heartache.

"What exactly, bruh? You've been skipping practice for weeks now," Tyron throws at Leigh, while Arlen shows up.

Great. Could this get any worse?

"Hello, everyone." He greets everyone politely as he stands by my side. I can feel his gaze on me, but I'd rather not look in his direction.

"I'm just reminding our quarterback not to claim he's been at training because he's been absent for what feels like forever," Tyron reports to Arlen.

"The one who's obsessed with training, right?" Arlen continues to tease his friend.

Leigh, who's in a state of anger, says from his position, "Come on, take me out."

What on earth is she implying? My heart starts pounding in my chest as I wait for Leigh's response.

"I can't. I have other things to attend to," he says irritably. I'm irritated too.

"Come on, Leigh. At least come to the lake. We're having a get-together at Embry's this evening. It'll be fun with all you boys around," my dear sister suggests, wielding the most soul-crushing weapon.

"I can't, sorry," Leigh insists.

"How can only one person in a household have a soul? Sorry, Lilith, but your siblings are both boring to deal with," Embry rolls her eyes.

"Baking? That's some silly girly thing. I prefer doing muscular stuff, so count me out," Tyron scoffs.

"Well, I'm good, I will follow wherever this princess is headed, even if it means baking," Arlen leans over to me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I tense up as my heart continues to race. I thought lying to our parents was stressful, but this is even more intense.

"I told you I won't go," I stubbornly insist, just as my practical stepbrother decides to say the opposite. "Fine, but only for a while, and then I'm leaving."

What the heck? I mentally hiss.

"You're going. Everyone's going," Lilith says, while Embry plants a kiss on a neck that doesn't belong to her.

I'm not just sick; I'm also angry. I'm literally on the verge of exploding. I don't know who I'm angrier at. Myself? Leigh, Arlen, Tyron, Lilith, or Embry. I'm angry at everything.

Quinn walks back to the group, hand in hand with Harry, both blushing.

"Stop blushing. We're going to my place, so let's go," Embry rudely snaps at the couple.

Rolling her eyes at the drama queen, Quinn mutters, "Whatever."

"You can ride my car, just make sure you don't wreck her, or I'll make you pay. I'm pretty sure your whole family won't be able to afford a replacement," Embry hands the keys to Suri in the most disrespectful manner I've ever witnessed.

"Why don't you ride it yourself, then?" Suri annoyingly shoots back.

"I'm riding with bae, so keep replaying my words in your head as you drive," Embry smirks.

"Bae, seriously?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.

Laughing, Embry doesn't even respond. Her glare is enough to send me the message that says, "I don't take orders from you."

"Everything's set, so let's get going," Lilith cheerfully announces.

"This will be fun," Suri adds, while Quinn, in a sarcastic manner, rolls her eyes and pulls her man towards his jeep.

I'm forced to ride with Arlen, the guy I've been ignoring for weeks. Not only will I have to ride with him, but I'll also have to spend the evening with him.

This is a disaster.

All I want is Leigh, his eyes, his hug, his kiss, and his scent, but I'm surrounded by a different musky smell as I climb into the Mercedes Benz.

Honestly, I don't pay attention to anything Arlen is saying because my heart is far away from this car, hooked onto the tinted blue Bugatti ahead of us.

Knowing Embry is seated beside Leigh, probably flirting, considering the condition she's suffering from, which is a lack of keeping her hands to herself.

I feel tortured; being in this car is torture.

I keep humming in response to everything Arlen is saying until we arrive at 'the lake,' at the exact mansion where Lilith, Quinn, and I once parked.

"And here we are," Arlen announces, as if I have no idea.

***

"So, what are we making?" Harry asks the girl in a classy vintage puff-sleeve silk satin crop top and jeans.

When Embry insisted we change into dress shirts and shorts, I thought that's what she intended as well. Little did I know she was going for something classy.

How can she go to the kitchen wearing a long puff sleeve, for goodness' sake? But of course, she's Embry. The girl who's currently sitting on the lap of the annoyed senior who belongs to me. She'll go to extreme lengths to have him, even if it means selling her soul.

"I think we're taking pictures. Embry doesn't seem ready for the kitchen," Quinn clarifies, clearly annoyed at her friend's audacity.

Although my soon-to-be stepsister isn't, she shoots Quinn a warning glare and returns to smiling adorably at the pair of her imagination.

Sometimes I feel like screaming in her face for not having my back. Then again, I remember my place—a place where I'm referred to as the sister of the boy staring apologetically at me.

I swallow and look away before anyone gets suspicious. I'm left with no option but to wrap my hands around Arlen and act neutral, as if there isn't a knife lodged in my heart.

"Let's get baking, y'all," Embry cheerfully says and pulls Leigh along with her, leading us to her convenient kitchen. "I've given the housekeepers the day off, so we have it all to ourselves. Maybe we might even end up having a sleepover," she suggests, batting her eyes at Leigh.

In your dreams. That's never happening as long as I'm alive.

"Lilith and I will gather the ingredients. Harry and Quinn, you two can mix. Ava and Arlen, you're in charge of shaping, and you two can add chocolate chips to the dough and transfer it to the oven," Suri gives the instructions.

Referring to Embry and Leigh as a couple feels like a hot knife cutting into my skin. This is going to be a long Friday.

Without disagreement, everyone accepts their responsibilities, and we all get to work.

"My mom used to teach me this, but I can't say I actually learned anything," Arlen tells me.

I give him a small smile and divert my gaze to the oval-shaped cookies to avoid the painful sight in front of me. "Do you know how to make cookies?" Arlen continues to strike up a conversation, even though by now he should realize I'm not interested in any discussion.

"I don't know how to make anything," I honestly admit.

"Only tea?" His voice is playful and holds no judgment.

"Only tea." I look up at him and force a constrained smile. Honestly, the tension in the house, which only I can feel, is awkwardly uncomfortable.

Arlen's fingers slowly push back a strand of hair that falls onto my face; he tucks it behind my ear and returns a sincere smile.

When I turn away, I find Leigh's intense eyes fixed on me. His green eyes have mostly turned black, his dilated pupils overlapping them.

Does he feel the pain as I do? Does he feel restless, just like I have no peace right now?

"We really made two trays," Quinn says to Harry as he kisses her temple.

"Teamwork, right?" Lilith responds.

"Come on, Embry, don't finish them all," Suri pulls the tray away from the worktop and places it by her side.

Although Embry manages to grab one freshly baked cookie, she perches herself on the counter with her back to me and Leigh between her legs. I'm forced to witness everything. I watch Leigh eat from the girl I despise.

I swallow, even though it doesn't bring any relief. It seems like I'll be doing that a lot today.

We continue working on the last tray while I seize every chance I get to steal glances at Leigh's fidgety green eyes. In fact, I watch his every move. I witness numerous painful scenes that I'm sure will never escape my memory. I'm forced to watch Embry's hands roaming across Leigh's torso. I watch her kiss his neck countless times, just as she does his face. The only part I have left is his lips. I'm somehow grateful that he keeps evading her advances.

Around six in the evening, we're done, and the place is as tidy as if a group of teenagers never took over.

We all gather on the carpet and enjoy what we created, along with bottles of beer. Arlen and I, as usual, stick to non-alcoholic beverages, so he managed to find two cans of coke for both of us.

"Alright, let's play truth or dare," Embry suggests.

"I'm leaving," Leigh hisses after gulping down his beer. But he does the opposite of what he claims after Embry whispers something in his ear. I pretend to be nonchalant and pick at my finger, even when their displays are tearing me apart inside.

The last time I played a game with Embry, she manipulated me into embarrassing myself to get what she wanted.

"Okay, I'll start," Embry devilishly smiles. "Quinn, truth or dare?"

Excitedly, Quinn answers, "Give me a dare, baby."

The small crowd bursts into laughter. I try to force a smile until Embry's choice of dare hits me like a blow to the head. "Find a suitable partner and engage in foreplay with him or her for five minutes, with one rule: you're allowed to kiss them anywhere but the mouth." Embry slowly gnaws on her lip.

What the heck? The air leaves my lungs as everyone starts chanting.

My question is answered when Quinn starts leaving a trail of kisses on Harry, from his face to the nook of his neck and beneath his shirt. The group cheer in unison at the shocking scene. For me, it's horrifying, something completely unfamiliar.

Yes, I've played truth or dare before, but I can guarantee it was purely innocent. This? Not at all.

"My turn," Suri calls out, excited, as everyone waits to see who she'll ask the probing question. "Lilith, truth or dare."

"Not scared of a dare," my soon-to-be stepsister cheerfully replies, taking a sip of her beer.

"Choose anyone you want and stimulate two different parts of their body at once, with your hands on one part and your lips on another."

My mouth hangs open as I process everything. Are we playing some sort of adult game or worse?

Whom will Lilith choose? She's probably going for Arlen or Harry, as there's no way she'd choose her blood brother.

My mind is busy helping Lilith make her decision when she suddenly grabs me by the wrists and pulls me up. That's when I freeze, utterly terrified, my whole body refusing to respond. I don't pick up on the loud screams filling the room, as Lilith's lips find mine, and her hands rest on my breasts.

Since I can't move, since I'm going through a mild stroke, I don't protest until Lilith pulls away, smiling widely.

What have I gotten myself into? Did I just kiss my stepsister? Actually, I've kissed all my step-siblings.

Way to go, Ava.

The game continues to escalate.

Harry is dared to remove Quinn's underwear with his mouth, which feels strange. I have to close my eyes and later have no choice but to open them when I see Quinn sitting shirtless and bare in front of seven sets of eyes.

Leigh is also dared to take off his shirt for the rest of the game. I even learn that my soon-to-be stepsister isn't a virgin, as she honestly recounts the story of her first time.

"Truth or dare?" Harry asks Arlen.

With a smile, Arlen responds, "Dare."

"I dare you to slowly and seductively remove Ava's shirt."

I can feel Leigh's intense gaze burning into my skin as my heart pounds against my ribcage while Arlen begins his task. With a trembling breath, I'm left wearing only a short white bra and my trainers.

Quinn dares Embry to put an ice cube in her mouth and pleasure Suri orally for twenty seconds. Harry stimulates Quinn's nipples. Suri takes off my shoes and gives my feet a sensual massage, which feels incredibly awkward.

Leigh chooses truth, and I discover that he enjoys being dominant in bed. Great.

Arlen is dared to take off his trousers. In fact, almost everyone starts losing articles of clothing, although not as much as Quinn.

"Truth or dare?" Embry asked me.

"Truth," I simply answered.

"We all know you're a virgin, so what should I ask you?" she intentionally threw at me, drawing everyone's attention. "How often do you masturbate?"

No way she asked that.

I swallowed and tried to think of a way to phrase my answer. The truth is, I've never done that in my life, and I don't know how I would sound if I said no or lied.

"No way, you've never masturbated?" Embry's eyes widened, as did everyone else's, including Leigh's now bloodshot green eyes. "What's the closest thing to a sexual experience you've ever had?" she asked again.

"I, um..." Nervousness was evident as I struggled to explain. "A kiss," I muttered, glancing briefly at the person with whom I shared that memory, although right now he was sitting half-naked next to Embry, who was only wearing pants and a bra.

"She's just a typical fifteen-year-old," Embry chuckled.

"You already said that," Lilith fired back at her.

"Whatever! Who's next?" Embry rolled her eyes.

I ignored my soon-to-be stepbrother's intense gaze and kept my eyes on my bare feet.

The game continued. Suri sniffed Arlen's perfume in search of the right spot for him to dab it. Embry was dared to paint Lilith's bare stomach with whipped cream and lick it off. The game went on, round and round, until we reached my greatest fear. Until my own sister, or at least the closest thing I had to a sister, stabbed me in the heart.

"Leigh, I dare you to make out with Embry as you would before having sex," Lilith smiled naughtily afterwards, and the girls began applauding, while my nerves were on edge and it showed in my expression. I desperately prayed for Leigh to walk away, to do anything to avoid ripping my heart apart.

But you don't always get what you want; that's what Mom told me the day Dad left. The day I cried because I was afraid the kids at school would call me an orphan. Because I was scared I would fail my assignments without him, for he was my guardian, and after he left, I felt exposed and lonely.

Once again, I didn't get what I wanted. Leigh's lips were pressed against Embry's, and they moved together with eager desire as his hands pulled her closer. Despite the growing pain inside me, it felt like salt was being rubbed into my wounds.

Leigh ignited a fire within me and let it roar without looking back. I don't think I matter to him right now. Have I ever mattered to him? Were the touchdowns just a way for him to prove he could win me easily? Was this all a game to him? Did I let him play me?

What did I do to deserve such pain? The torment is too much. I'm being emotionally and physically punished. The suffering is excruciatingly heavy for any human to bear. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched something I couldn't stop or walk away from.

"The sinners will be tortured in hell," the Bible says. Is this my hell? Is this the agony I'm being sentenced to for failing my mother and everyone around me?

I wish we could switch off our feelings. I didn't make myself feel the way I do for Leigh. I've never been the type to fall for someone, especially someone who's supposed to be my brother.

Why do I love him? I swear I didn't want to. Why won't it stop? Why do I have to endure such intense torment? My eyes couldn't hold back the tears anymore. A single drop fell onto the skin of my hand, and that's when I was jolted back to reality, to the sight of Leigh's tongue inside Embry's throat.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have agreed to come here. I brought this punishment upon myself. With my head down, I slipped out of Arlen's arm and hastily left the group, increasing my speed as I ran down the hall, through parts of the house I didn't know. I wouldn't even find my way back, but I didn't care at that moment. All I wanted was to get far away from everyone.

I thought I had found happiness, but I was wrong. I found my hell, and I'm destined to endure it.

I stopped in a corner by a mahogany bookshelf, probably in an office. I couldn't tell you how I slid down against an Italian desk, but it wouldn't surprise me if my knees gave way, for the knife lodged in my heart refused to stop twisting.

I couldn't erase the vivid images of Leigh's lips on Embry's. They kept replaying over and over, driving me insane.

This is a mess. How am I supposed to go back in there? Not only can I not face Leigh and Embry, but I also have no explanation for my sudden disappearance.

Left with no other option, I dialed Mum's phone number as I tried to compose myself.

"Ava?" But as soon as her voice came through the receiver, I couldn't hold back anymore. I let out a sob as I said, "Can you come and get me?"

Mum's voice was filled with worry as she asked, "Are you okay?"

"Everything hurts. Everywhere hurts," I sniveled.

"I'm on my way, honey. Can I use your location? It says you're around the lake," Mum said.

"Yes," I mumbled.

Knowing I couldn't let anyone see me like this, I opened the window of the room, grateful that it was on the ground floor and had large windows without burglar bars. I squeezed through it and landed in the spacious backyard of the mansion. With tear-stained eyes, I made my way around the building, escaping my reality.

I walked barefoot down the street, wearing nothing but yellow shorts and a white bra, my hair messily arranged in a bun, and my heart shattered.

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face with every step I took. The feeling was unbearable, and I didn't care about the strange looks from passersby. I felt haunted in every way. He was everywhere. He was inside me. And he didn't even want me.

I'm definitely going insane. I look insane.

As Mum's Audi pulled up by the side of the road, I couldn't hold on anymore. I let out a sob as she climbed out of her car and pulled me into her comforting arms, the arms I always sought solace in, the arms I deceived by lying to.

"I want to go back home," I said into her neck.

I realized I would give anything to go back to the days when I slept in a bunk bed with my roommates. The days when I didn't know who Leigh and Lilith were. The days when my life was simple. The days when I didn't know anything about these feelings, just about studying. But Mom had to fall in love again and pull me into her new life.

I wish everything could be just as it was before. Now it's too late—I'm attached to something I can't distance myself from. My heart is tainted by someone's emotions. I'm completely broken, burning without any visible flames because nobody understands how I feel.

"Come, I'll take you home." Mum kissed my hair and helped me into the passenger seat. She didn't question my situation or my lack of clothes, and I'm grateful because I no longer have a shield. I'm completely vulnerable.

***

That night, I locked my room because I couldn't bear to see him. I turned off my phone because I couldn't explain, nor did I want to hear from anyone. I couldn't sleep because my sheets smelled just like him. That night, I wept more than I ever have before because all I could see was him and Embry.

The only question that echoed in my mind throughout the entire night was how did baking turn into this?