Why do we celebrate Valentine's? It's stupid if you'll ask me. I mean, do you really have to highlight that one day when all motels have their peak season? 

Nag-aaksaya lang kayo ng mga bulaklak.

Masakit sa mata ang pula... pwede ba!

Pasko nga hindi ko sini-celebrate kahit official holiday eh, yan pa kayang Valentine's na gawa-gawa lang ng malalanding magjowa?

And before you say anything. No. I'm not bitter. Yes, I may have been single for a long time now (25 years). Oo na. NBSB na ako. Ako na ang kawawa. Ako na yung palaging tinitingnan ng mga kamag-anak at parang tinatanong mentally na 'Ikaw? Kailan ka mag-aasawa?'

Oo na. Ako na ang palaging tulay at hingian ng advice. Eh kasalanan ko bang walang nagkakagusto sa 'kin?

I always feel like shit on Valentine's. Na para bang biglang nabaliktad ang ratio ng couples at singles. Na parang sa araw na yun, biglang ikaw na lang ang single sa mundo. Yung ganung feeling.

Kanina nga, pagkapasok ko sa office... gusto ko ng umuwi eh. Pano kase, nagkalat yung mga pre-ordered bouquets na nasa desks ng mga lalaki. Pati sa table ng crush ko meron.

Kaso asa naman akong sa akin nya ibibigay yun. Eh hello... una't huling beses naming mag-usap eh nung Christmas party.... nung nagpapagame sya at contestant ako.

Before and after that was such a lame excuse for a daydream.

Pero deep inside my skeptic heart, there's a hope na hindi ko mapatay-patay. There's a hope na sana ngayong araw ay magkaroon na sya ng lakas ng loob para magtapat sa 'kin. Kase, you know, I got wrapped up in the idea na may lihim din syang pagtingin sa akin. Ganun naman kadalasan sa kwento di ba? Yung akala nyo lang si girl yung may HD kay boy pero sa bandang huli... ayeeee... sila rin pala.

Well bullshit for you. I happen to be disappointed with that notion many times now. And I know another disappointment is yet to come again.

Dumating si crush and I waited for him to come to me and give me the bouquet. It didn't happen. By lunch time, I was hesitant to go outside the building kase baka ayain nya akong mag-lunch. Did you know that I actually waited until 2pm before finally getting it to my head na hindi yun mangyayari?

Nagpakagutom lang ako para sa wala.

By afternoon, I was so eager to leave. Kase pointless ang maghintay sa isang taong inaassume mo lang na may gusto sa 'yo. I should have realized it a long time ago... hindi nya ako gusto. That's the reason why he's not adding me in Facebook and the reason why he doesn't even get bothered when I walk by.

WALA SYANG GUSTO SA AKIN!

Ang kapal lang kase ng apog kong mag-assume kase nga naman nagkakasalubong minsan yung tingin namin. Stupid, I know... but how would I know if someone likes me or not when no one actually showed me that they like me? Palagi akong nanghuhula. And every time... I was proven wrong.

Wait--nagpakilala na ba ako? Hindi pa di ba?

Okay... so let me continue with my story. Don't bother asking my name. I'm not in the mood for proper introductions. You'll forget my name later on anyway.

So where was I? Ah... right. In the middle of my woes against Valentine's. Kanina, habang naglalakad ako papunta sa bus stop, gusto kong mairita sa mga couples na akala mo nasa park sa kabagalan nilang maglakad.

Yung iba pahara-hara pa yung mga hawak na teddy bears and flowers. Pwe! Naaawa ako sa mga katulad kong ang gusto lang ay makauwi ng maaga pero eto sila't nang-iinggit.

Naiinis ako dahil parang ako na yung pinaka-undesirable na tao sa mundo.

Kanina nga, nilulunod ko ang sarili ko sa Pearl Coolers at Flip Floats. Masakit sa lalamunan at ngipin ang sobrang tamis na inumin pero sabi kase nila, nakakapagpasaya daw ang chocolate.

And yet again.... another bullshit. Hindi naman ako natuwa.

One thing good that happened to me today is that there isn't a lot of people na nakikipagsiksikan sa pagsakay sa mga bus. I would have thanked God and shouted hallelujah had it not been for the pestering sights all around me.

Holding hands everywhere. May naghahalikan pa nga.

Honestly mga kuya at ate, ngayon lang kayo nagkita ulit? Hindi na kayo nagsawa sa isa't isa? Psh.

Sumakay ako ng bus at naupo sa bandang unahan. Nasa tabi ako ng bintana. Walang kwentang pwesto na nagpapamukha na naman sa 'kin na while I was inside the bus, staring longingly at the couples outside... there they are... having the time of their lives.

Kung hindi ko nga lang sinabihan ang sarili ko na bawal umiyak ngayon... baka kanina pa ako humahagulhol eh.

Why would I cry? There's no way I'd cry over this stupid day.

Pero kase... kaiyak-iyak naman talaga kapag feeling mo forever alone ka. Bakit ba kase kahit short-time relationship hindi ako pinagdamutan? Gusto ko ring makaranas na mabigyan ng bulaklak. Gusto kong mangawit kakabitbit ng bouquet. I want to blush whenever someone would smile at me knowingly dahil sa bulaklak na hawak ko.

I know I've said to myself many times that flowers are so overrated... pero gustong gusto ko talagang makatanggap nun. I want to feel a warm hand on my hand while I'm walking on the busy streets of this city. Yung feeling lang that you belong to someone. It was a pain walking alone amidst all these people. They make me feel so alone.

"Thank God it's all over!" my seatmate exclaimed.

"I know, right?" I murmured.

"Walang kwentang araw. Tangina. Naimbento pa!" dagdag niya.

I faced him. Mukhang pagod na pagod ito at iritado. He looked like a salesman with his shirt tucked in his pants. Sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. May nakasukbit sa balikat nyang sling bag, which he removed and placed on his lap.

"Mismo! I mean, do they really have to highlight this day?" I lamented.

"Gastos lang yan," he said when a girl with a huge bear passed by us.

"Tama," pagsang-ayon ko.

He chuckled. "I guess I'm not the only one bitter about this day, huh?"

"Yeah."

He held out his hand. "Hi. I'm Kane."

"I'm Louise." Inabot ko ang kamay nya. "Single ka?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Kaka-break lang last year. Ikaw?"

"NBSB."

"Wow. Talaga? Uso pa pala yun."

"Oo naman."

It's funny how words just seem to roll off your tongue when you found that one person na halos kapareho mo ng pananaw o ugali. Ang daldal lang naming dalawa... Tinitingnan na kami ng kundoktor at parang naiiling dahil ang tanging topic namin ay kung gaano namin ka-hate ang araw ng mga puso.

Oo na. Kami na ang bitter. Ang saya lang... may karamay ako.

"Saan ka nga pala bababa?" he asked me ng bandang Buendia na kami.

"Guada. Ikaw?"

"Crossing," sagot nya.

"Ah... nice talking to you," I said with a smile.

That seemed to have cut off the tie that was just there. Bumalik ang tingin ko sa labas ng bintana ng bus while he busied himself over his phone. I sighed. Valentine's... why do you have to exist?

Cupid's so lame. And unfair. So unfair I want him dead... kung hindi lang sya figment of imagination... siguro napatay ko na sya.

"Hey... pwede makuha number mo?" narinig kong tanong nya nang nasa Estrella na kami.

Humarap ako sa kanya. "Huh?"

He shrugged. "You know... ituloy natin yung kwentuhan natin."

"Uh--sure." I gave him my number.

"O YUNG MGA BABABA NG GUADA. LAPIT LANG PO SA UNAHAN!" sigaw ng kundoktor. The bus came to an abrupt halt. Tumayo na ako at nagpaalam sa kanya saka ako bumaba ng bus kasunod ang mangilan-ngilang tao.

Finding love is a lot like looking for a needle in a haystack. Yeah... it's that hard. Well... at least that's what I thought. Sino ba naman ang mag-aakala na sa araw na pinakaiinisan ko ay saka ko naman makikita yung tao na matagal ko na palang iniintay?

He texted me. I replied.

He called. I answered.

He asked me out. I said yes.

And that became the start of my sweet Valentine's days.

I heard someone grunt from behind. "Ano ba! Hindi po ito park! Pwedeng pakibilisan naman sa paglalakad? May mga tao pong gustong umuwi ng maaga!"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Kane... sabay ngumiti... at naghiwalay para bigyan ng daan ang babae. Maang itong napatingin sa amin saka sya dumaan sa gitna namin.

"T-Thanks," she said.

"Welcome," nakangiti kong sagot dito.

"Wag kang mag-alala ate.... magkaka-boyfriend ka rin. Tiwala lang!" dagdag ni Kane.

The lady glared at him saka ito nagmadali sa paglalakad. Nagkatinginan ulit kami ni Kane... and this time, we both laughed.

"Ang adik mo!" sabi ko sa kanya.

He pulled me and gave me a kiss. "I'm just giving her hope."

"Dapat sa bus sya maghanap ng boyfriend."

"Hindi lahat swerteng kagaya mo," nakangiti nyang sabi sa akin.

Kinurot ko sya sa tagiliran. "Aba yabang mo a!"

Tumawa lang sya. He intertwined our hands and we continued walking.

Last year lang bitter ako about Valentine's. Last year lang... galit ako sa mga couple na sobrang babagal maglakad na para bang pag-aari nila ang kalsada. But that was me as someone who was looking enviously at those who are inside the circle of what they call love.

Now I'm in. And I must say... It's pretty lovely in here.

---fin---