I never thought that I would become a widow before I even became a bride; yet I was dressed in all black staring at a picture of David one week after we had found out about his death. It was his burial and since there was no body to bury so we decided to have a short memorial service for him with his family and friends. A headstone would be erected in the family burial plot at the back of the estate in his memory. His family didn't have any land and instead of his gravestone being in a cemetery with a lot of strangers he was going to rest in peace next to my father and grandmother. His whole family had agreed too seeing as they were my family now too.

All of David's friends, family and co-workers were gathered in a tent in the backyard of my grandfather's estate saying goodbye to him. Almost everyone was crying and those who weren't like me were just being strong for the others. I wanted to cry but I had out cried myself. David had also asked me to be strong and I was trying to do that for him and his family too who were also coping with his death.

Elena lay her head on my lap with tears streaking down her face. My mom was hugging his mom who hadn't stopped crying ever since she arrived. His brothers were being consoled my mine, they had tried to be strong and avoid crying but had broken down once the ceremony had started.

I had no idea how I wasn't crying myself amongst all those people breaking down. The priest we had invited to say a few words and bless Davids path to the afterlife had just finished up. George took the stage since and announced that it was time for the eulogies.

"I know this is a hard time for all of us. We have all the time to cry and mourn but let's take this chance to come up here and say a few warm words towards David. Anyone who feels like they have something to say are welcome but so that there isn't any chaos, we will start with co-workers,friends and then family. Please be orderly and respectful."George explained before sitting back down on the other side of Elena. His daughters and mom were also with us sharing our grief which I was most thankful for.

Tyler was the first one to get up, he said a few warm words that made everyone laugh setting up a better mood. He was followed by more employees from the club and a few from his old job at the hotel. David made a good impression everywhere he went so nobody forgot about him. His friends were the next to speak and a few of his work out buddies that I had never met and they all said great things about him. My family spoke next and they spoke with such passion you'd think that David and I had been married forever. To my grandpa he was the older grandson he wanted who he could drink whiskey with and talk about everything under the sun, to my mom he was the perfect son in law and to my brothers he was a big brother that they looked up to.

His brothers spoke next together with Elena. They didn't speak much as they were too emotional but it was more than enough. With the support of my mom, Sarah, his mom, was able to say a few warm words for her son.

The one thing that almost made me tear up amongst everything else was the fact that neither David's mom nor his siblings looked at me with malice or blame at any moment ever since they found about his death. I had brought Derek into his life when he dated me but they didn't hate me for it even though a small part of me blamed myself. We all grieved together as a family without malice or pointing fingers and that eased the burden on my heart.

I was the one who got to speak last. When it was my turn, I got up on fairly steady legs and straightened my huge dress. I wanted to look nice for David even if it was just one last time and even though he wouldn't get to see it and appreciate it I still did it anyway. I had used the same design I was going to use for my wedding dress and made a black gown with a few changes. It was a long sleeved off shoulder gown with a v-neckiline. The top bodice was lace and it hugged hugged my small frame perfectly before flowing into a long flare skirt with many layers. It went all the way to the floor and I looked like Cinderella if she was black and wore black to the ball.

I didn't care what anybody thought. I was dressing up for David and not them. I had died my hair red at the tips, the same color I had on when I first met David and the same white sneakers I had on that night. I was make up free except for strawberry lipgloss, just how David liked it. It was all for him anyway.

When I got up to talk everyone's eyes were on me and they expected me to break down but I didn't. I was strong stronger enough. I cleared my throat and began my speech.

"Hello everyone, thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me personally that you all came here to say goodbye to. David."I paused for a second before resuming." I've practiced this speech in my head a million times but it's still not going to be easy to say it. I'm surprisingly calm, maybe my family spiked my drink again. They have been doing that a lot lately but it's okay, even I would drug me with the the amount of crying, yelling and breaking I've been doing." I joked making people laugh, even Sarah managed a smile which encouraged me to go on.

"Enough about me, today is about David. He was a good man, a great friend, the best brother, an obedient and caring son and the best boyfriend. We are all going to miss him so much. I'll quote David from one of the last few words he is ever spoke. 'I know it's hard right now but it will get easier. Don't push your family and friends away because they are going to help you get through this.' I honestly don't believe those words because my heart keeps breaking over and over again with the thought of never seeing David again but my love for him is greater than my grief. I will love him till death and even though I will never completely move on, I will learn to live with losing him because I want to honor his last words and so should all of you." I paused again to looks his picture which had been taken on the night of my fashion show. He looked so handsome and he was smiling. I had chosen that picture because he looked happy and that's how I wanted everyone to remember him.

"David baby, my sexy mountain, I will miss you so much and so will everyone else. You're gone too soon and life will never be the same without you but your memories with each one of us will never die. I love you baby, soar with the stars and may you rest in peace with the angels because you are one now."

I leaned in and kissed his photo before walking back to my seat wiping away the stray tear that had managed to escape.

George went back up and thanked all us for talking before inviting us to the last activity before we could end the ceremony. What we were about to do had all been Elena's idea. She told us that every year during her birthday, David had bought her a single balloon and asked her to write a wish on it. They then set it free and all her wishes came true.

Everyone was handed a balloon and a marker pen and asked to write either a wish, a prayer, something they wished they had told David before he died or just any good thoughts towards him. After we were done we all released the balloons into the sky and they all went higher and higher separating as they went. Some of them would definitely be lost or found by others but it was the thought that counted.

After that was done we all walked to another side of the estate where food and drinks had been laid out for everyone. People were free to hang around and talk and they were also free to leave.

I mingled around talking to everyone that had come and thanking them as well as getting to know those who I hadn't met yet. My three girlfriends were there for me and the fact that they came to support me even though they hated burials meant everything to me.

Getting tired of standing too much I served myself something light since I was trying to get reacquainted with food and found a seat away from everyone to give myself a few minutes to breath.

The pep talk I had given myself that morning in the mirror to be calm was definitely working to help me get through saying goodbye to the other half of my soul without breaking down. I was also trying to be strong like David had asked me so that I didn't disappoint him.

My phone rang in the pocket of dress and I fished it out. It was Nina and I picked up immediately.

"Nina hi." I greeted when the call connected.

"Anisha hello. I was just trying my luck. I didn't even know if you were going to pick up with all that's going on. How are you girlfriend?" She asked concerned.

"Dead in all aspects except physically." I replied honestly and I heard her take in a sharp breath.

"I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you're going through. I don't know what I'd do if I was in your shoes and it was Andrew I had lost. I'd probably loose my mind. I just called to express my condolences since I couldn't be there in person. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, Andrew's as well."She expressed and I felt touched at that.

"Thank you so much Nina. It means a lot that you called." I replied.

"It's the least I could do. If there's anything I can do for you, let me know."She offered.

"You're too kind but honestly I don't think there's anything anyone can do." I confessed.

"You're absolutely right but if you ever need to escape or just get a change of scenery just call me and I'll get you the first flight into cape town. You don't have to work for me but getting away for a while might be good and doing something productive that you love might help you in the healing process." She proposed.

"I don't know if I can Nina. Things are just so messed up right now. I can't just leave everyone behind." I argued.

"I'm sure they would understand but I won't push you. I have two more movies here after the one I'm currently working on is done. You have my number so don't hesitate to call if you change your mind." She concluded.

I was grateful that she wasn't pushing me because I couldn't imagine leaving my family at such a vulnerable time. I needed them as much as they needed me, probably even more.

"Okay. Thanks for the offer and thanks again for calling." I thanked her.

"What are friends for? Take care of yourself."

"I will and you too. Say hello to Andrew for me." I requested.

"I'll pass on the greetings. Bye." She replied.

"Bye." I replied and hung up.

I didn't think I was going to take her up on her offer but it was good that she had me in mind. I needed to be with my family during such a hard time and not on the furthest end of the continent from them.

I looked around the room and even though there were no more tears and crying everyone was still sad. It was only a matter of time before the tears started up again, even mine and I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted to be hugged and consoled while I cried because it helped to know that I wasn't alone during such a huge loss.

"Who was that?"My mom asked settling herself next to me and handing me a glass of lemonade.

"Nina. She was just calling to check up on me. She also said that I could go to work with her in South Africa as a costume designer for her movies if I needed the escape." I explained.

"Wow, what a nice friend and you should consider her offer and go." My mom suggested.

I looked at her as if she was crazy.

"What? Mom I can't, I can't just up and leave all of you in the midst of all this." I retorted.

"Listen to me baby girl. No one will blame you if you want to get away for a while. You might think you're okay right now since you're helping everyone else with their grief thus neglecting your own but once they all leave and you're left alone with your thoughts the grief will start eating you up again. One thing that really helped me with your dad's grief was when your grandpa took us to that vacation to Morocco. Your dad and I had never been there together so there were no memories of him haunting me there. I didn't want to forget him but I needed to heal for you guys without the memory of him hanging over me every turn I took. Don't be so quick to dismiss Nina's offer. It might be just what you need."She explained.

In the midst of my own grief I had forgotten that my mom had lost my dad too who was the love of her life so she knew what I was going though. When I had realized that I had run to her and she had welcomed me with open arms even though I hadn't been the best daughter to her over the last few weeks. She was one of the main reasons I wasn't breaking down in front of everyone.

"Thanks for the advice mama."I thanked her.

"You're welcome baby."She replied pulling me into a side hug and kissing my hair.

I didn't know if I was going to listen to my mom or not but one thing I was sure of was that I needed my mom's hugs for as long as they could help me heal. The moment they stopped working then maybe I'd consider the offer.

At the moment I was grieving the loss of David but I wasn't killing myself in the process and that was enough for me.

**********************************

THE END!!!!!!

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