I watched the clouds pass by hoping they would help me ease my nerves. I was going home after a whole year and i was both excited and very nervous. Even though I talked to my family and friends often via phone call and video call it was not the same as seeing the face to face. I had missed all of them greatly even my brothers who annoyed the hell out of me all the time. I had tried sleeping during the flight home but I had been too hyper to sleep. My brain had simply refused to shut down so I had watched movies the whole seven plus hours. Thankfully this time there were no people trying to disturb me. I would have been more accommodating but it didn't mean that I wanted to be disturbed.

The fasten our seatbelts light came in and I adjusted mine since landing could get rough sometimes. I watched as we left the clouds and got closer to the ground. I was not a fan of landing but the pilot made it so smooth I was almost tempted to go give him a hug. After he was fine giving his little speech we were told it was okay to alight. I grabbed white carry on and alighted the plane with the other passengers. It wasn't a hustle to find my brown suitcase and I soon found myself finding my way to the exit.

George was supposed to pick me up and I had sent him my flight time before i boarded the plane so he could get there on time. I spotted him before he saw me and I took a moment to take him all in. He looked the same to me except for a few worry lines no doubt caused by me. He'd decided to go completely bald when his bald spot started showing and I had to say it looked good on him. He didn't shave his beard though saying he didn't want to look like an egg.

He finally spotted me and a grin graced his face making me smile too. He started walking towards me and I met him halfway walking into his open arms for a much needed hug. I had promised myself not to cry but I couldn't stop the few tears that trickled down my face.

We pulled away after a few minutes and he held me at arms length probably to inspect me. I was dressed in a simple white T-shirt tucked into high waisted rugged baggy jeans and white sneakers.

"Have you grown?" He asked me and I chuckled.

"No I haven't."I replied and as if he couldn't resist he pulled me in for another hug and I didn't stop him.

I needed it as much as he did.

"It's so good to have you back sweetheart. I missed you."He whispered softly.

"I missed you too George."I replied.

We pulled apart and he grabbed my suitcase while I grabbed my carry on. He led us outside to the parking lot and we walked towards the parking lot. The Nairobi sun hit my skin and I took a deep breath of the slightly polluted air. Definitely smells like home. George out my suitcase in the backseat and I sat next to him in the passengers side as he drove home.

"I should have come with you."George grunted five minutes into the drive.

I'd heard that line so many times over the past one year.

"No you shouldn't have. The twins needed you and so did grandma. What would they have done without you?" I asked knowing he didn't have a reply to that.

"Oh I know but still. I was worried."He insisted.

"I know George but it's okay now. I'm and that's all that matters."I replied giving him a warm smile.

"You look good by the way. I'm glad you took that vacation and give yourself time to heal."He commented and I grinned.

"Thank you George and I'm glad I went too. It was the best decision."I conquered.

He was probably comparing the way I looked at the moment and the way I was a year ago when he drove me to the airport. It had been a very emotional day but it was all in the past now. I would never completely heal from the death of David but I was learning day by day to live with it.

That was easier said when I was in a different end of the continent so what would happen now that I was back home where it all happened. I believed I would be okay since I had more happy memories than sad and those would help me get through the days. I played with the necklace that never left my neck twirling it around my finger out of habit. It always gave me a sense of calm and I would never be able to survive without it.

I looked out the window to admire the very familiar sights as we drove to get to my grandpa's estate. It was going to be a long drive and knowing that I was finally home and safe had me relaxed enough to drift off to sleep.

George shook me awake and my eyelids fluttered open to take in the drive up to the mansion. Everything looked pretty much the same and that made me smile.

"George before we head in there is there a welcome party going on?" I asked knowing that my mom was capable of throwing me a surprise party.

George chuckled at the wary expression I had on my face.

"No your grandpa refused saying you'd be too tired to enjoy it so it was pushed to this weekend and besides its a weekday so the kids wouldn't have made it since its a school day."He replied making me feel very relieved.

"Thank God."I exclaimed.

George parked at the foot of the stairs leading up to the house and as if on cue the front door flew open. My mom practically came flying down the stairs and I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. I was not ready for my mother's assault when she launched herself at me making me slam my back on the car door knocking the breath out of me. To make matters worse she hugged what little breath I had left away. I didn't complain though knowing I deserved it.

"Hey mom."I greeted weakly patting her back awkwardly while trying to breath.

"Don't you hey me young lady. It's been ages since I last saw you. Have you grown?" She asked holding me at arms just like George did finally giving me the space to breath.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I haven't grown, have I?" I asked looking down at myself.

"Yes you have but I'm just so happy to have you back baby."She said and I wiped off a tear that trailed down her cheek.

"Me too mom."I replied smiling.

I linked her arm with mine and led her back into the house. George trailed babies behind us carrying both my bags.

My grandpa was waiting for me inside the house leaning on his cane looking as dashing as ever.

Before I could get to him he lifted his cane and hit me on the arm over and over again. My mom and George just stood there and watched me getting assaulted.

"Grandpa I'm sorry."I yelped trying to grab the cane from him but for a seventy four year old he was pretty strong and fast.

"You should be sorry. Making your family worry about you for a whole year."He scolded and finally stopped hitting me.

He wasn't hitting me that hard but I knew I would feel all of it when I woke up the next morning. I walked towards him and embraced his stout frame into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around me too and we stayed that way for a few minutes.

"Did you bring me the good stuff?" He whispered in my ear making me laugh out loud and pull away from him.

I had definitely missed the old man and his love for whiskey.

"Grandpa."I scolded still laughing.

"What?" He asked shrugging.

"Yeah I did."I replied and he grinned.

"Now you're forgiven." He said with a wink.

"I know what you two are whispering about and its not going to happen. Not under my roof."My mom exclaimed.

"Technically it's my roof."Grandpa replied and they started bickering with each other fighting over whose roof it was.

Boy had I missed home and all the drama that came with it.

"Where are the boys?"I asked George and before he could answer I was tackled to the ground by two very heavy boys knocking the breath out of me for the nth time in one day. Too much assault from ones family members.

"I think you boys just broke my back."I wheezed out feeling all the pain my body was in.

"Oh sush."Caleb said lying on top of me with Ken at the top of the pile.

"You guys weigh a tonne, now get off me before my body imprints itself on the floor."I complained and they didn't listen but continued making themselves comfortable on top of me.

"George."I whined asking for help.

"Okay boys get off my baby girl. Enough is enough." George demanded and like the obedient sons that they were they got off me.

George helped me up and the boys now took the chance to sandwich me in a hug, not much different but definitely better than that dog pile.

"We missed you siz."The spoke simultaneously. 

"I missed you too."I replied smashed in between both of them.

After a few minutes we pulled apart and I took my time to look at them. Ken had grown taller and more muscular and Caleb had added some muscle. They looked good and healthy which was amazing.

"Have you grown?" Caleb asked and Ken nodded as they both scrutinized me.

"Nobody else ask me that. I haven't grown."I replied.

Had I grown? I don't think so.

"Where are our gifts?" Ken asked looking around and finding nothing but my single suitcase.

"Seriously boys. You haven't seen me in a year and gifts are the first thing you as for."I scolded.

"We talked to you like everyday. Gifts please."Caleb added and I scoffed at their reasoning.

"It's not the same and you know it and I'm sorry to burst your bubble but there are no gifts for now. They'll be shipped here next week. Now if you'll excuse me I just suffered through an eight hour flight so I'm going to bed. Call me down for dinner mom."I informed them.

The boys groaned in disappointment before turning around and headed for the den. Nice to know that they missed me too. Yes that's sarcasm to its best.

"I will sweetheart. You go rest."My mom instructed and I nodded.

George walked me up to my room carrying my bags and left them inside leaving me all alone in the comforts of my old room. It was spotlessly clean thanks to my mom of course with nothing out of place. It was just like I had left it a year ago.

As to be expected all the memories from the past came bombarding me and I had to sit down to take them all in. I relived a lot of memories that David and I made within those four walls and they brought a familiar ache to my heart. There was a picture of us on the bedside drawer staring back at me. We were so happy when that picture was taken.

I gathered some of the energy I had left and took a quick shower before getting dressed in a pair of rights and one of David's hoodies that was as still in my closet. I had asked my mom to leave everything as it was and not to get rid of a single thing of his and I'm glad that she listened to me.

I grabbed the picture and hugged it to my chest before drifting off to sleep. I knew being back was not going to be easy but I was far better than I was when I left so it was going to be better than last time.

My mom called me down to dinner a few hours later and the meal was filled with everyone filling me in on everything that I had missed the past year that they hadn't already told me via the phone. I didn't hearing the same stories over and over again though because I was just happy to be home.

After we were done eating we moved the conversation to the living room as we watched a movie, more like we caught up while the movie played. I had missed my whole family so much and even though not all memories were happy ones, I was glad to be back.

Later that night when everyone was asleep I snuck out go the house and headed to the cemetery plot at the corner of the estate. I picked a few flowers from my mom's garden hoping she wouldn't notice. I approached the gravestones and placed a flower on my dad's and grandma's before approaching the one that I was really there for.

I placed the flower on top of the gravestone with his name engraved on it before I sat cross legged on the wet grass. I stared at it for a few minutes before I felt my eyes blurry with tears and they fell on my cheeks.

"And here I thought I was done crying over a dead man."I chuckled wiping off the tears but they were just replaced by fresh ones.

"Hey baby. I know you're not here and I always carry a piece of you with me everywhere I go but still I had to come. I miss you so much, it hurts. I will never stop missing you and honestly that's okay. A part of me will never believe that you're actually gone and that I'm never going to see you again. Every day I wake up praying that it was all a lie and that I didn't loose you but then reality sets in and you're not next to me. I miss you calling me tiny and how safe I felt being next to your mountain self. I just wish it all never happened and we hadn't left the house that day, maybe then you'd still be here. I've played a million scenarios in my head where I don't loose you but that's just in my imagination. Reality is that you've been gone for a year and that's how it will be for the rest of my life. I know you asked me to move on when I'm ready and I find the right person but you were my right person so that's never going to happen. You were it for me David and that's never going to change because I love you and I'll never stop."

I had to stop because my voice got all clogged up and I could not hear myself talk anymore. I sat there longer as I composed myself since I didn't want to go back into the house crying. The dew started seeping past my jeans making me uncomfortable and I knew it was time to head back. I placed my fingers over my lips in a kiss before putting them over his name letting them longer for a few seconds. I got up and dusted myself as best as I could before turning around and walking back to the house.

************************************

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Love@Lyssah.