I remember hearing Charlie call out, "Okay, let's give it up for this lady who feeds us so good every single year! Talkin' 'bout our own personal Beyoncé—Eboni where you at, girl?"

I don't remember walking up to Lana and Yoli to get the star quilt that's still up on my wall in the bedroom to this day.

But the fact that it's up there proves I did make it over to them some kind of way. Legend has it that AJ gave me the little pat in the small of my back that got me moving in that direction.

The reason I don't remember any of it myself...well, there are lots of reasons.

I'll start with the star quilt Yoli and Lana were holding up. Now, I told you about the fancy swag bags I'd seen out in Cali, with all kinds of expensive merch in them that I knew I'd never be able to afford. But a star quilt is more valuable than any of that swag bag shit.

They're pretty much the most sacred gift you can get at a gathering like that. I mean, when someone lays a star quilt on you, it's like they're praying that you'll have a long, happy life and...just all the good things. So you usually get them for big milestones in life, like earning your PhD or making it back from some heinous foreign war or something.

And yes, they're another thing that you see appraised for ridiculous amounts of money on that show I told you about. Makes my heart hurt when I see one on there because I know whoever gave it up must've been really desperate for money at the time.

Yoli hugged and kissed me like she thought I deserved one, though. Ronnie hugged and patted me, too. And then...well, you know how sometimes you say something hella stupid just to say something when you're feeling all awkward and goofy? I looked at Lana and blurted out, "Cute earrings" the split second my addled brain clocked how cute they were.

And damned if that woman didn't take those earrings off and lay them right down on top of that quilt—they were little ceramic "blankets" with an Ainu design in the middle. And she just grinned and gave them to me.

I was laying my hand on top of them trying to make sure they didn't slide off when saw the band of braided gold on my thumb—that's the main reason I'd zombie walked up there in a daze.

Oh, you're no more ready for this than I was when it happened.

But it had happened. Just a few minutes before Charlie called to me, AJ had taken that ring off his finger and tried it on all the fingers on my right hand until it finally fit that thumb.

Yep, right after that "I can't do this," that had made my world stop turning. While I stood there staring all dumbfounded at one of God's most perfect creations looking extra perfect with the tan and wind tossed, jet black hair...

I thought he was telling me I couldn't have all that perfection. That I'd made a huge mistake bringing him into this magical world full of peace and joy...

But just as I was about to try to ask him why he couldn't "do this"—why he was doing this to me—the man leaned down and kissed me senseless.

And I knew from the way he kept kissing me that he wasn't going to ever tell me he couldn't "do this" again.

And sure enough, when we came up for air, finally, he said, "I can't let us be just...this thing we do when I'm home for a few days."

So, I exhaled and said, "Do you have any idea--"

But he grabbed my arm and started hauling me off into the trees before I could blurt out the rest of that sentence. And we started to laugh we picked up speed and broke into this crazy sprint almost like we were racing each other.

The creek stopped us. We stopped dead in our tracks, mesmerized by the sound of the water and the way the waves glistened.

And just as I stuck out a foot wanting to walk right in and be baptized by all that beauty, he pulled me back and said, "The guys...the ones with all the insane...neon-colored feathers and things—the ones who danced so fast..."

"What?"

He looked at me like a little boy asking a parent a very important question he couldn't quite find the right words for. "Who are they? What do you call them?"

I said, "Fancy dancers," probably looking as crazy as I felt talking about dance regalia in the middle of whatever the hell else was going on...

But he nodded...and said, "And the ones with all the fringes? That crouch down and do all the crazy legs stuff—"

I gave in and went into Wikipedia mode. "Grass dancers. Back in the day they were the ones who stomped the tall grass down to make it flat enough to dance on. Ronnie's grandmother used to tell me all this stuff—it's her he started doing this for. She was a jingle dress—"

"Right! The jingle things! Someone said the metal cones were made from—"

"The tops of tobacco cans—what are we doing right now?"

He hit me with a smile that probably made the Sun jealous. "I have to know everything. About...everything you know..."

And when I'd gotten over being blinded by all that light, I said, "Do I get to do that? Know everything you know?"

And that's when he snatched that ring off his finger—the one that wound up on my thumb.

And I said, "Okay...this is...serious gold, AJ," As he found the finger it fit on.

But at the time, he just gave me that wide-eyed little boy look and said, "Cartier. My mother bought it for me."

And when my jaw dropped, he said, "She heard K-pop idols exchange friendship rings sometimes, so she wanted us to do that. But she wanted them to be real expensive like the gifts I'd given her, I guess. Cause she used to get after me about spending so much money—she'd always had to be so frugal herself, you know? To make ends meet..."

I choked back tears somehow to ask, "Well, how do you think she'd feel about—"

"You gave me today," he said. "And all these things I'd missed for—hang on!"

He fished his cell out of a pocket and after a few more very weird seconds he shoved a picture of a newspaper article at me.

The headline was: Whitman Seniors Dreaming Big

And under that was a little row of pictures—one of me in the middle. With the caption: Chef to the stars--the career I was hoping to have someday.

Now, think back to that time when I'd made light of my life in Cali by saying how he'd been in show business and I'd only been around it?

Right. He smiled and said, "Chef to the stars." And I'd thought it was just to make me feel like I'd accomplished something important out there.

And it probably had been that, too, but it was also him quoting that article he'd gotten from...

"Where'd you get that?" was the obvious next question I had to ask.

"That's from my mom, too. The grandparents sent it to her when she finally asked them about you. They got it from your mom--"

"The year I graduated, yeah. She was all proud. Took clippings to all the shops up and down Main for them to put up next to all the stuff everybody used to have behind the counter."

They still tossed our little Whitman Courier at every driveway and doorway in and around town for free. And everybody still read it, too, because it listed all the upcoming local events and other news both notable and notorious...

I looked good in that graduation picture, too, I'm not going to lie. With all kinds of twinkly, teenage energy in the eyes he'd liked so much.

"I got it on a day when I really needed something good to happen," he said. "Cause my weekly review had been so bad that I was sure the company was going to tell me to go pack my things."

"Weekly—"

He raised a palm and said, "Just...let me tell you this!"

Not mean, just like his whole life depended on my hearing whatever he was about to say.

So, I laughed and nodded. And he said, "They'd already been holding all my correspondence—sometimes they'll do that until they feel like we're starting to get used to the routines and whatnot. So we don't get all distracted and homesick."

I couldn't stop myself from bleating, "Tell me you're kidding. That's...prison shit!"

But he gave me a patient smile and said, "I don't know how she knew I needed something, but my mom actually went over to the dorm and got hold of this manager I'd told her about, this one I really liked. And I'd just been in the friggin' bathroom bawling my eyes out when he came looking for me and handed me the actual article."

He smoothed my hair back and just watched me for a long minute that made me all...squishy...

And said, "After I'd stared into those pretty eyes glowing up at me for a while, I went straight to the practice room. And kept practicing so hard from then on that they almost got worried about my health. But I wanted to be one of those trainees that got chosen for events that got press coverage. So I could send articles the grandparents could give to your mother. And you, too, maybe."

I couldn't come up with anything worthy of being said at that moment.

But when he said, "So, you're kind of the reason she could buy me that ring," I teared up so bad that I couldn't have said anything anyway.

And then he made it worse.

Raised up that hand he'd put the ring on and said, "I'll wear the one she wore. A couple of days before she passed she told me to give it—"

I burst into ugly tears then. Cause I knew she'd told him to save it for whoever he wound up marrying someday.

He wiped the tears off my face. And was kissing the places he'd wiped when Charlie called out to me to come get that other gift I wasn't sure I deserved...

I think the sound carried so far because it was a blessing. Though as Yoli had said, sound carried up there anyway...

So when I came back all loaded down with blessings, AJ helped me carry them to his Jeep.

And told me, "I was going to tell you all that eventually, of course. But I got so...I don't know...drunk on the dancing and whatnot..."

And then his face changed just a tiny bit as he touched the quilt. And I was so damned tuned into that man by then that I said, "What else do you need to tell me?"

I could handle it, whatever it was--he smiled like he knew it, as he told me, "I've gotta do some fan meetings. Japan, Taiwan and Thailand."

All I could think was how much I wanted to go with him. And how scary it was that some sweet little girl might do something to herself if he let me...

So, I said, "How long will..." and couldn't finish that sentence, either.

Until he kissed the top of my head and said, "Just a week. They'll be streamed on Twitch and some other places—I'll make sure you know when."

Looking up into that serene smile...I felt all the tension and doubt and drama drain out of my body.

And a few days later sent him off to his other angels. With a link to this Alex E. Smith song we'd round danced to late that same night that said:

I will hold you all night long

Baby sing a sweet love song

You hold my heart in your hands

Please boy, be my Southern man...

I'm not going to try to explain what those kinds of songs or why it said "Southern man" specifically—well, okay, it was sung in the style of the Southern tribes. I'll tell you that much.

And that whenever I quoted or sang it to him, it became "K-pop man," to make us laugh.

But the real point was that since I couldn't give him a snazzy Cartier ring, I'd given him that sweet little song to listen to when he missed me.

And I really thought we could build a sturdy little wall around ourselves with little moments like that. Like...a spiritual bond that could keep the world at bay.

Yeah. I was all kinds of wrong...