I scanned the room to see where he is, locking eyes with him as soon as I spot him.

All of the sorrow and pain I tried so hard not to feel since last night the moment he ran away from me started to pour out of me, starting from my chest travelling and expanding throughout my body as I could no longer contain my emotions.

I need air, don't follow me, I mind linked Mason needing to some fresh air in that suffocating space.

I ran out of the doors at the back of the club leading me to an alley to be alone as I try to contain my breakdown.

My back was facing the door when I heard it being opened. At first I thought it was Mason, but when the smell hit my nose, I knew exactly who that was.

He smelled of maple syrup and cinnamon, like the words home and comfort spun into yarn and a blanket was made out out it to be shared for two people. Like two pieces of the puzzle that was meant to be, finally snapping in place, just being in the same room with him felt right.

I froze not wanting to acknowledge the pain he's causing me, afraid he'll make it worse somehow.

"I'm sorry."

The words hung in the air so heavy. I almost thought I imagined them.

"I'm so sorry."

I heard them again, this time there was no room to mistaken or misunderstand it.

"What are you sorry for?" I asked the question carefully with each syllable as calmly and cooled as I could, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of his affects on me.

Even though I knew the answer, even though there's only really one thing to be sorry for, I wanted to hear him say the words. I'm sorry for leaving you last night.

"I-"

And there it was, he couldn't even say the words.

"Please look at me," he pleaded almost desperately, almost, but I knew any better.

I turned around slowly but I couldn't look at him right away. When I did, it felt like someone knocked some air out of me.

God, he looks so beautiful.

It felt like I could see him clearly for the first time, his features exposed under the harsh streetlight. I took a moment to study him, his slightly taller build where I could tell he had sculpted muscles under his shirt. Dirty thoughts filled my head for a second before I shook them away mentally. His sharp jaw matched his dark brown eyes, but his curly brown hair gave him warmth to his features.

I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Yes?" I waited.

He had dark bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept at all last night. Good. I don't care if I'm being petty, he's caused me a world of hurt.

"I don't even know where to begin, or how to start apologizing for causing you all the pain I've caused you, but you have you understand why we can't be together."

Another wave of pain hit me but I tried my best to conceal it from him. I do not need him to know how much control his words have over me, how much every movement of his body affects me. Stupid mate affect.

"I actually don't understand why we can't be together," I spit out harshly. Shock spread his face for a second before he collected himself and regained composure. He sighs heavily like he's lived more lifetimes than me.

He looked like he wanted to say so many things to me, looking for a way to express everything that he's thinking and feeling.

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. His eyes diverted to the ground as couldn't even look me in the eyes when the words failed him. I nodded and took that as my cue to leave him this time, leaving him to figure himself out while I go back inside to nurse my heartache.

I hesitated before grabbing the door to yank it open, looking at him one last time before heading in.

I quickly spotted Mason, Xavier, Jason and the rest of the crew in a booth near the dance floor. I detoured to get a few drinks before making my way there, welcoming the familiar burn.

"Hey where'd you disappear off to?" Xavier asked when he was the first to notice me.

"Got in a bit of a heated argument with the Bloodcrest pack," I played it off smartly to explain his scent on me. Their mood darkened before I assure them they won't be of bother the rest of the night since they're leaving soon.

As I thought, I didn't see him or any of his pack members for the rest of the night as I downed every shot and danced to every beat the songs played.

By the time I got dropped off it was closer to 3am. Mason offered for me to crash at his place but I wanted to be in my bed.

I couldn't fall asleep fast enough for my liking so I finished whatever was left from the bottle earlier. Darkness soon lulled me into the night with the promise of peace, even if it's brief.

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I woke up to a wave of nausea as I felt bile sitting at the bottom of my esophagus. My head started to pound like a slow heart beat as pain rolled over me in waves. I laid there taking a few moments to breathe, trying not to throw up.

Once I was almost certain I won't, I slowly got myself into the shower, not even bothering to stand under the stream of water. Sitting on the bottom of the bath tub, I took the next hour being in a zombie like state as I washed off the smell of alcohol and sweat.

Last night I drank like I never had before, most likely racking up an expensive tab I was dreading to pay. I remember even trying to forget about Ryder with alcohol and grinding up against strangers in hope that being in the crowd, losing into the music with people would somehow make me feel less alone in this heartbreak.

I feel like a broken record, always thinking about him. Granted I know it's been less than 48 hours but it sometimes feels like a lifetime ago and 5 minutes ago all at once.

But it's not like I can talk to anyone about this. One wrong word to the wrong person and major consequences can come from it. Especially since I'm not officially an alpha yet.

I hate not feeling safe enough to express myself, but it's not like I have much of a choice. Being an alpha means having to protect your weaknesses from your enemies that wants to see you fall.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you okay? You've been in the shower for a long time now, I came to look for you an hour ago," my little brother Westley's voice came from the other side of the door. I turned to shit the water off.

"Not feeling too good buddy but I'll be out in a minute. What made you come looking for me?" I asked as I used the towel to dry myself off.

"I was wondering if you wanted to paint with me? Everyone else is busy today; dad has a meeting, mom's down at the pack hospital overseeing their new construction project, and everyone else is off hanging with their friends," I can almost hear the pout as his voice dropped.

"Yeah buddy, of course. How about you go on ahead and set it up for us out on the patio and I'll be down as soon as I'm dressed," I offered, not able to resist some quality time with my baby brother who's growing up too fast.

We spent the next two hours painting, I chose a photo from Pinterest of a landscape while he chose a dragon. I played some throwbacks that were age appropriate enough so that I can try to build him a better music taste before someone influences him to listen to utter crap.

My mom got back early and asked if we're hungry, saying that she planned on making burgers. We nodded our head, too hungry to continue painting so we started cleaning up.

When I got to my room to change into clean clothes, I noticed a note on my bed.

Meet me at the lake at 7pm, we need to talk

-R

He's been in my room, how? Maybe he got someone to place the message for him, maybe telling him it was a threat for me. Still, I'm shocked he was bold enough to reach out like that. It must be important, I decided then that he'll go and meet him tonight, to hear him out.

It's only 1 o'clock so I have a few hours to spare until then, mixed feelings stirred in me, part of me hoped that it would quickly pass but another wants time to stand still. What would he even want to talk about? The reason why he rejected me?

As much as I can speculate, I'll never know the truth until he gives it to me. At least this would give me a bit of a piece of mind.

And we'd get to see him again, my wolf chipped in. I feel guilty for my wolf, all he wanted was to be accepted and loved by his mate and he got stuck with a stupid human.

You're not a stupid human, well not most of the times anyways. I shook my head at his attempt to make me smile.

My emotions and thoughts continued to turmoil inside, which had me pacing in my room. I know I'll have to put on a façade the next few hour for my family to witness. I can't have them figuring out what's going on, I don't even know how begin to tell them anything.

I made sure to change my demeanour into a relaxed happy mood, not without a little help though. I wanted my feelings to have fuzzy edges, not feel so sharp and focused, because that would mean thinking about my pain, which could make me think about my rejection, which then replays that night over again in my head and I can't have that if I'm trying to pass at being fine in front of my family.

I was able to escape to my room for an hour or so before being called to help dinner, allowing me to pass time watching Netflix.

When I was helping dinner, only light chatter occurred in the kitchen, allowing the music coming from the radio to fill the room.

At dinner, we made small talk, mom updated us on her project and the twins mentioned they met up with their friends at the mall which is the nearest hangout place to the pack land, other than the lakes of course.

It is a bit of a walking distance but doable for us werewolves, though I highly doubt they walked. Most likely they just hitched a ride with one of their friend's older siblings.

After checking for the millionth time, it's 6:30 and I decided to get there early to pace and wait for him in case he got there early.

I walked in a slow pace as I didn't want to face reality. The closer I got, the bigger the ball if anxiety rolled in me. I remembered and I took my phone out to text my mom that I'm hanging out with Mason, and texted Mason to cover for me for the night, that I'll explain later.

I spotted the lake and decided to go to the dock, plopping myself down and taking off my slides to dip my feet in the water. I stared out at my reflection, my eyes glowing slightly silver indicating my wolf wanting to come out.

My wolf is a white and silver wolf like my mom but my paws are speckled in brown like my dad's. The white wolves are apparently a family trait but a rare one as my twin sisters looks like my dad's wolf.

My mom said her powers didn't come in as the result of being abused from her previous pack, but mine might come in. My uncle Kevin said their grandmother Aggie (short for Agatha) came in to her powers when she was 23 allowing her to manipulate plants; to grow faster, or even come back to life, which is actually how she found out. So who knows when mine will come in.

I allow myself to ponder the thoughts of what kind of power might get, hopefully something useful like being a shield from twilight as my sisters explained to me, or maybe I'd get to fly like Superman like I always wanted to as a kid.

It must've been 7 since I heard a twig snap just ahead of me, making my head shoot right up to meet their dark eyes, watching his figure emerge from the shadows into the moonlight.

He gestured with his head to follow him, questions filling my head as we headed over to his land.

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