Khushi's Pov

"What will you do if he's not siddharth? Will you start afresh with me? Or Mourning over your lover's death for whole life?"

What the hell? Why did he turn the tables now?

"I asked you arnav. What will you do if I want to go back? Don't turn the question towards me" I tried to keep my nervousness to myself. His stance changed from grim to calm. He must be happy for turning the tables.

What if he sticks to this topic pestering for my answer? What will I tell then? What do I want? Can I forget siddharth? NO. Can I break everyone heart to lead a life with siddharth? But he is dead..DEAD...

"Don't you think we're arguing unnecessarily wasting our time when siddharth existence is still a question?" I tried to dodge the topic as I have no answer to his question. I cannot lead a life with arnav when my heart is still beating for siddharth.

But can I start afresh with him? How can I accept siddharth when all these years I kept living alone believing my love is dead so as my heart. But is it true? If it is dead then how the hell I reacted to arnav advances? How the hell I reacted to his kisses? The flashes of four days of my married life played before my eyes like it happens today. I noticed each and every facial expression of him when I say, I hate him. Why everytime his touches and his loving stares did something to me? When he lifted me for the first time when he held my hands and waist and the loving kiss...Even now his closeness chills my body. Every time something happens, I took it as a distraction but...Did I forget siddharth? Did I start accepting arnav? Then where's my love for siddharth???

Offoo..Where did I land myself? Can't even decide what I want. It was even more confusing now.

Already my head starts aching. I need a calm atmosphere to clear my mind. Only then I can decide what I want from arnav and this life and SIDDHARTH.

"You know what, you're fearing about your own feelings. That's why you're trying to cover up and pointing towards me. Take your own time, think wisely and decide what do you want in this life. And mind it your decision should be clear, this time keep ME in your mind. You're not alone to decide according to your own wishes. Your each and every decision was related to me and my family" He repeated what I said two days back.

He's hell-bent on using my words and pointing it towards me. Thank goodness, at least he gave me time. With this time hopefully I'll find some information about siddharth.

"I'll ask my secretary to find about siddharth. Be ready to give some details about siddharth and your time will end when we find about siddharth" He stated nonchalantly and left outside.

What the hell? It seems he likes to keep me on toes. Why the hell siddharth has to come before me after three long years? It would have been peaceful if he didn't appear before me. Why he left me alone these years? What is his problem? Did he...forget old memories?

Chi..Chi...How would that happen? Agrhh..HE DIED IN FRONT OF ME...

Smacking my forehead, keeping my face in palms I took deep breathe only to lift my face when someone sat beside me.

"When you came Meera? Where are others?" I asked noticing it was meera.

"They are coming in another car" she said blankly.

What happened to her?

Checking her body temperature by placing my hands on her forehead I asked without assuming anything "Why are you looking dull? Any problem?"

"I have no problem, but you Have" I couldn't predict where these talks are going. What she meant by I have a problem, maybe she is talking about my health.

"I am fine meera. Sudden flashes of cameras and attention made me tense. Nothing else" I assured her through smiling face. 

Instead of giving a smile which shows her acceptance meera took my hand in hers "It's about siddharth right" It was not a question but statement.

Shock would be an understatement. No one except maya knows about him then how she...

"Don't be shocked. I know, because of him you denied marrying. You assumed you loved him if I am not wrong" she asked calmly.

"How? How do you know?" I feared even to question her.

She pressed my shivering hands "We are staying in one home didi and it was not big like your sasural where one needs to contact through phone if they wants to meet another family member"

I don't have the courage to look into her eyes. Still, now I thought I was cunning enough to hide my personal details and a guide to my little sisters. But now seeing meera I think I failed somewhere, suddenly meera looks so matured in my eyes.

"You didn't love siddharth at least not now"

My brows scrunched automatically in question "What?"

"You heard me right didi. You didn't love siddharth, you love jiju"

I stood up vigorously "What rubbish?"

She let out a dry laugh "If I am talking rubbish then whatever you're doing was more than to be called as rubbish"

"Look didi, I know I am small to you. But not that small to struggle to  differentiate between infatuation and love. What you have shared with siddharth was infatuation and what you have for your husband was more than like, that include love too. Remember once, that once four years back, you are talking on the phone about something like siddharth met with an accident. If you loved him you must be devastated even if it was a small scratch but how did you reacted? Take care siddharth, you should be careful while driving. Don't you think it was just a care like you show to your friend? I was small back then to understand what it was but I know it now, it was infatuation. And once I met siddharth too... Again don't be shocked, I have seen you in a mall with him, when he came here to Mumbai. You enjoyed flaunting than behaving as a caring lover. You enjoyed like other teenagers showing to the world that you too have a boyfriend because your all friends have boyfriends while you don't have one..And you being away from home staying in hostel spoiled you...I am sorry didi. I didn't mean to advise you or point at you but you needed it. I don't want to see my sister destroying her own life with her stupidness. Remember your times with arnav jiju. You are disinterested in marriage yet you did blush on all the ceremonies of your marriage"

I looked at her shocked, what I blushed??

"You presumed you love siddharth and not interested in marriage, so you didn't notice your own reactions. You blushed when arnav jiju put the engagement ring on your finger, you blushed when the mehendi colour turns dark, you blushed when everyone teased you linking with jiju, you blushed when maa put haldi on you taking jiju name, you blushed when ratna aunty praised you being arnav jiju wife, you blushed when we escorted you to mandap, you blushed when jiju tie mangalsutra in your neck, you blushed when he put sindhoor on your forehead, you blushed when he held you fingers while taking pheras, you blushed when he lifted you for the first time...Annika informed me and showed your photos of post marriage ritual. You blushed when jiju feed you, you blushed when...After you came from your room crying at the same time(the scene when arnav kissed her after bathroom scene and she accused his love as lust) and at last you blushed today when jiju come inside after getting ready. So tell me why did you blush on all the occasions when it was supposed to be hate. Think didi. Don't spoil your life by confusing between infatuation and love..."

"Today the person whom you saw was not siddharth. Siddharth is dead long back. Your infatuation died long back, face the reality. Don't mourn over someone's death who is not your own" saying this she stride outside but stopped glancing back "By the way dad came to know about your love oops..Infatuation for siddharth, that's why he got the heart attack. And that was the reason he forced you for this marriage. Don't worry none knows except you, me, dad and maya di...Think like my elder sister not like a younger sister. Use your heart, not with a brain. I'll be waiting for a good news"

"Last but not least, more than ourselves everyone around us will notice the things even more than us. It's says right we will think nobody notices us, only we have eyes but forget to remember others too have eyes which will see the things in own perspective that are unaware to our ownself. I am sorry, if I hurted you any way. Whatever happens, I will always love you didi....Keep that in mind too..We all love you, JIJU too.."

What is happening around me? What she's saying? Is it true? I love arnav or my love for siddharth was infatuation? 

I feel like to pluck all my hairs. How does papa know about this? Now the life I lived for the past four years was standing as a question. Is it all a facade??

Why doesn't I was happy when arnav gave me a option to share my wish? Why couldn't i declare I want a life with siddharth when arnav himself ready to help me? Why couldn't I answer his question? WHY?????

{Meera- First sister of khushi}

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Hope you all liked this!!! I want to finish this asap so without twist I jumped more than required so hope it looks not rushed, if you feel like it was out of the story then feel free to share it. I will try to do justice henceforth. Meera's revelation has some loopholes which will be closed in coming parts. And next update will be on Monday or Tuesday. Don't forget to...

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