"Are we cool?" Fame asked Alari one evening.

"Yes. Why?"

Fame had looked around the studio and noted the drying panels hanging by the window. It had taken him weeks to realize that Alari didn't do his drying in the laundry room anymore. Alari had made space in his cluttered studio for drying and mucking out his equipment rather than using the tiny laundry room they had. This was Lagos. Any space was precious. Having a studio and laundry room was enough for anyone to spread their wings. And yet, Alari wasn't taking advantage.

At least, not anymore.

He didn't spend much time outside his room and his studio. More than that, he didn't wake Fame up, like he did before. He didn't make him breakfast or wait up for him to eat dinner like he used to.

Fame knew why. He deserved the distance. He deserved to be punished.

"I know you're mad because of the Tolu thing-"

"What Tolu thing?" Alari asked.

"I didn't know you liked him," he said as Alari continued to work. "Until after that first day, I thought it was just him who had feelings for you."

"And yet you continued even after that," Alari stated, and Fame's insides nearly drowned.

"You don't understand-"

"Pretty sure I do," Alari said, looking at Fame with a surprising amount of understanding.

"No. No, you don't."

"You thought you'd make him feel better that first day but then it happened a second time. And then a third. And now you can't stop. Is that right?"

Fame's lips couldn't move, no matter how hard he tried. What was he even going to say when Alari had explained it all out for him? Fame was stuck in this now. He'd put his leg in something that wasn't his business and now, here he was, weeks later and completely tied to Tolu with strings he'd excluded from their original agreement.

"It's not just him," Fame said. "I don't want to lose you too. You're... you're distant." He hesitated. "I miss you, too."

"I live here with you, Fame. I didn't go anywhere."

"Alari, please-"

"Look, I have work due, okay? I really don't have time for this. If you want my blessing-"

"It's not about that."

"Then what are you doing here?" Alari asked, with a heavy sigh hanging between them. "What is this?" he gestured between them.

Fame didn't know. What was he doing there? He'd been honest: it wasn't just about the blessing. He didn't even want Alari's blessing to go ahead and keep sleeping with Tolu. He wanted... he wanted... he didn't know what he wanted.

"I don't know."

Alari laughed drily, shaking his head as he continued to paint.

"I really can't deal with this. Just go do whatever you want," he stated. "You're both adults anyway."

Fame approached him.

"Alari-"

"Fame, please!" Alari snapped and Fame backed away in shock, feeling a tear slip from his eye at the amount of hate directed at him. "If you want to be with Tolu, go and be with him, but don't come here and pretend like this has anything to do with me."

Fame took a moment to let that sink in. Because he knew what this was. It wasn't real permission. If anything, Alari was telling Fame, screaming at him to go far away from Tolu. God knows, Fame would have done it. He would have listened. He'd have done anything to get Alari to talk to him again, to go back to the way things were when they were friends. When Alari cherished Fame almost as much as Fame cherished him.

It was that simple. Fame knew it. From the look of things, it seemed Alari knew it too.

~|~

Fame cried that night, tucking himself into his pillow to muffle the sounds, he wailed his eyes out till he could barely breathe.

Even when Tolu came into his room, he couldn't stop crying enough to get angry. Tolu didn't push or demand. He just lay there, holding Fame and rocking him back and forth on the bed as Fame felt lulled till his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

When he woke the next morning still cradled in Tolu's arms with all their clothes still on, Fame couldn't control the thumping in his heart. What was this? What were they doing? Why did it feel so perfect? Why did it feel so wrong to leave Alari behind?

"Are you okay?"

No.

Yes.

I hate it here.

I love it.

Hold me tighter.

Leave me alone.

A million answers to that question swirled around in Fame's head

"Did you talk to him?"

"I did."

"And?" he sat up, but Tolu wouldn't look him in the eye.

He might not have known them for long, but Tolu could only guess how that conversation had gone. Tolu had awkwardly tried to bring it up and Alari had squashed, and Tolu hadn't pushed for a resolution. He'd run away because he knew he could come to Fame. Even though that would only make Fame feel like trash for accepting his touch, his affection. His anything.

Fame could see where this was going, and it would only end in tears for Fame when Alari and Tolu decided to grow up and actually talk to each other.

"What are we doing?" he asked.

"We're lying down."

"You know what I mean," he said, seriously. "Why are you here? In my bed."

"We slept together."

"Yeah, but we didn't have sex last night. What we had were rules. No strings attached, remember?"

"These aren't strings. This is me being here for you."

"And Alari? Where does he stand in all of this?"

"What's going on with you, lately?" Tolu asked. "You're just looking for any reason to be angry with me."

"You're doing boyfriend things with me when the man of your dreams is out there."

Tolu pulled his hand out from under Fame in confusion.

"You were crying. I was trying to be nice."

"I'm not supposed to have your niceness, remember? No strings attached."

"That's no reason for you to be mad at me."

"I'm not MAD!" Fame shouted getting up from his bed. "I'm not mad. I just... I don't understand. What are we doing? I'm asking."

"We're just having fun. Don't overthink it."

"Why not? You don't have feelings for me?" Fame asked just to prove a point but somehow found himself wondering if he really wanted to know the answer to that.

Tolu stared up at him, mouth hanging open, but no words emerged.

"Do you still have feelings for Alari?"

"It's a lot more complicated than that, Fame."

"Is it? You either have feelings for someone or you don't."

"It's never that easy."

"It is for me," Fame said calmly as Tolu's mouth closed.

With nothing left to say, he went to take a shower, closing the door behind him as he sank to the floor. Tolu didn't have feelings for him. Alari had shunned him.

And yet, all Fame could think about was how hard it was to fall in love with two people.