After sitting in my car hyping myself up to encounter my family, I finally get out of the car. I knock on the door, and my mom opens it almost immediately. "What were you doing out there?" Is the first thing that she says to greet me. "We were sure that we saw you pull up ages ago!"

I smile and decide to just avoid her question, pretending it was a rhetorical one. "Good to see you, mom," I say while leaning in to give her a hug. I pull off my shoes and leave them by the front door.

As soon as I enter the dining room, my sister starts by exclaiming, "It's about time you showed up! We would starve if we had to wait any longer!" I really do come from a family of over-exaggerators.

"I'm glad you lived," I reply sarcastically while taking a seat.

"That boyfriend of yours didn't want to come to dinner?" My mom asks while crinkling her nose.

Before I can reply, my dad chips in, "You probably scared him off with all of your questions," directing it towards my mom. Although, that statement could be applied to everyone at the table.

"He's working tonight," I say with a light smile, "or else he would have came with."

"Can we talk to you about him?" My mom asks as she hands me a glass of water. I don't know why she's even asking that when she'll just tell me what's on her mind regardless.

I take a long sip of water before responding. "Sure, what is it?" Whenever a conversation starts off like that, it's rarely good.

"I'm just a bit worried, sweetie. I thought he'd just be a short phase and then he'd move on from you." Damn, my own mother thinks that he would have to be the one to leave me. It could have been the other way around. At this point, I can't even fathom what moving on from him would look like. I don't think it'd be possible.

My sister chimes in. "You know Maggie, right?" I nod yes. Of course I know my sister's best friend since high school. "Well, she showed me a video of you and that boy."

My heart sinks. My mind races trying to think what the fuck this video could be from. If it's a sex video, I'll just take myself out back and dig my grave.

I try to remain calm, but that's difficult. "Oh," I reply slowly. "What video?"

My sister presses her lips together. "You and him were throwing eggs at some girl's house?" She says it as if she doesn't fully believe it, and I wish that it wasn't actually real.

I hadn't heard anything about a video being released. While I haven't been on social media as much lately, I don't think it's something that I would have missed.

"Where did you hear that?" I ask, delaying admitting it until I'm forced to. My heart starts to beat so loudly inside my chest. I'm convinced they can all hear it.

"Maggie's husband is a police officer and got a report and video camera footage from neighbors of a girl and boy vandalizing a home." Vandalizing is a strong choice of words. We didn't permanently damage anything. "He was asked to look into it, and he recognized you driving the car when they pulled up stoplight cameras."

I've already drank most of my water, but I'm feeling extremely parched. I'm also trying not to look like I'm about to pass out. I came here thinking that they would somewhat shit on Bawdy while he isn't here, but this was one of the last things that I would have imagined being brought up.

"Care to explain?" My dad asks, looking more serious than I've see him in a long time.

Whatever I was expecting for dinner, it certainly wasn't a full on interrogation.

All eyes are on me as I reply, "Trust me, it was called for."

My mom scoffs, "Oh! That just makes it so much better then."

I continue, "It was just a harmless prank. And it's not like we even got in trouble. I didn't hear anything from the police." I shrug. Bawdy said that he'd make sure that I didn't get caught, and I'm sure he played a role in the cops turning a blind eye to this incident.

Also, with what Rose did to him, I don't even think she'd be one to press charges. She knows what she did.

My dad replies cooly, "You're lucky nothing happened. Are you trying to ruin your future? You'd never get a job with a criminal record."

Egging someone's house is no where on the same level as something like murder, but I refrain from making that point. I don't think anyone would appreciate it.

My mom holds a hand up to her forehead. "How about we start to eat before I get a migraine." She stands up to go into the kitchen. "Don't think that we're done discussing this, Gianna."

We eat in silence for most of the meal. I've been shoveling food into my mouth to keep me full and unable to talk and to hopefully help to speed up this dinner.

Finally breaking the silence, my sister's fiancé asks, "Your mom mentioned earlier that you got a new job. How's that going?"

I clench one of my hands into a fist in my lap. It's a better subject than trashing Bawdy, but I wish that the topic could mover away from me entirely.

"It's good," is all that I reply.

"That's good," he replies. Scintillating conversation.

The silence continues for a bit until my mom turns her head towards me. "Is everything going well in your classes? Maybe I'd know more if you actually returned my phone calls."

And maybe I'd return her phone calls more if I didn't think that she'd grill me on my entire existence and give input that I don't want.

In reality, I'm not doing the best in my classes. I'm not failing. At least I don't think I am. I guess I haven't really checked too hard in the last week or two.

Regardless, I don't need them to think more negatively about me. "Everything is good." I decide to try to make the conversation more positive. "I think I'm going to apply for a study abroad in spring."

My mom looks shocked at this news. "When did you decide this? Where is it at? Why didn't you bring it up before?"

I take a breath before jumping into 20 questions with her. "I just talked to my advisor and decided to apply. It's in Amsterdam. There's a really cool photography-"

"Amsterdam? So where that boy is going to be next semester?" My mom asks, cutting me off.

"Well, yes, but it really is a good opportunity," I try to continue saying.

"Do you really think that you're going to still be dating him? We looked him up a bit and saw more than enough to make a huge cons list." My mom continues adding, making me feel more pressure to respond carefully.

I didn't really expect them to look him up. It's not like they dug into any other boys from my past, but their information wasn't that readily accessible on the internet. Although, it's not like most of the information about Bawdy on the internet is even true.

Unfortunately, my parents have fallen victim to believing basically anything posted on Facebook. If they're seeing things being written about him in multiple articles and websites, they're going to hold those ideas as true as scientific laws.

"It would be nice knowing someone out there," I reply shyly. I can feel my backbone crumbling. I can't stand up to them anymore, especially when I'm being ganged up on by everyone. Something like this has never happened to my sister. Probably because she's never tried to do something outside of the cookie cutter perfect pathway in life. "Most of the stuff you probably saw are rumors."

My dad interjects, trying to be nicer than my mom. "We just want to make sure that you're doing this for the right reasons."

My mom looks visibly frustrated. "So you're telling me that he isn't some drunk drug addict?" Here we go. "Don't act like we couldn't smell the alcohol on him last time. I swear, Gianna, you better not be putting any of that harmful stuff into your body."

"No, of course not," I lie. "I might not even get in. Don't you want me to at least try? I think it would be really good to add to my resume while looking for jobs."

"Most of those study abroads are just an excuse to party," my sister adds. "Do you remember my friend Maya?" My parents and I nod. "She did one of those study abroads and picked up some horrible habits. Would you even feel comfortable being that far away?"

Scott adds, "You've never even been out of the country, right?"

"Well, this one has a really great photography portion of the program. And, no, I haven't, but I can just get a passport if I get in," I say.

"I don't know how I'd feel about you being so far away," my mom says. "We already barely get to see you. I'm not even sure why you have a phone if you can't use it to respond to us right away."

How can they not realize that this is not about them. For once in my life I want something for myself. Sure, I probably wouldn't have looked for this opportunity if it wasn't for Bawdy, but I've already gotten myself so excited about it. A change of scenery would be good for me.
After this fucking interrogation, I'm wanting to go even more. How does my mom not realize that this is pushing me away even more? Maybe I'd respond to them more and actually be excited to see them if I wasn't afraid that I'd experience some sort of backlash like this.

Parents always say that they want to support your decisions in life. That sentiment certainly leaves out that they'll support decisions as long as they fall in line with their values.

My dad promptly adds, "This seems like it'll be expensive too. Gianna, you know we won't be able to pay for it."

Sadness and rage are bubbling up inside of me. I've never been one to yell at my parents, and I don't want to start now. "Mom, this is about what I want for once." She looks shocked as if I slapped her across the face. "You just have to trust me on this one. And don't worry about the money."

The price really is the only thing deterring me at the moment. Especially if I don't have my scholarship to count towards tuition, I'm not sure how I'll cover it all myself. Bawdy keeps insisting that he'll pay. I might just put my ego to the side and let him.

She stands up to clear our plates. "I know, Gianna," she says a bit more calmly. "I just worry. It's my job as your mother." Worry, sure. Absolutely tear apart my life and everything that I want? She has to realize that this isn't the way to approach all of this.

All she has accomplished is making me want to go away even more.

"I appreciate you caring, mom, but you just have to trust me on this one." I stand up from the table. "It's getting a bit late. I think I'm going to head home."

"I brought dessert!" My sister says too enthusiastically. Yet another reason for me to get out of here as fast as possible.

"I'm not really hungry for anything else," I say. At this point, I've completely lost my appetite. All of the food that I did eat doesn't even feel like it's sitting right in my stomach. This conversation has made me physically sick, and I can't handle any more. It won't take much to trigger me to scream, and I'm afraid that if I hold my mouth open to do that, I'll throw up.

My parents don't look satisfied that I'm leaving. They haven't been satisfied with me the whole night, so why should it even fucking matter. I don't need to sit here and get beaten up any more.

I say some quick goodbyes and give out half-assed hugs. Once I'm in the car, I start the engine and drive a block away before pulling over.

I'm too angry to drive right now, but I didn't want them to see me just sitting there. With heavy breaths, I pull out my phone. The last text that I got from Bawdy was him telling me good luck with dinner.

I swear he's one of the only people who actually understand me. Who the fuck would need to tell someone good luck to have dinner with their family. These dinners should be something that I look forward to, yet I felt like I was going to break down into a panic attack every second of the meal.

Parents claim that they don't have favorites, but it's so obvious that mine do. Most people have a sibling to back them up, but my sister would never do that.

I type out a text to Bawdy and turn up the music in my car. Loud music that my parents would say is disrupting my equilibrium or some shit.

Gianna: They officially hate me.

Bawdy must be at the venue backstage getting ready at this point. He responds quickly.

Bawdy: Because of me?

I sigh. I've already endured my parents. At the end of the day, they are my parents, so they have a bit more leniency to be overly truthful with me. I really don't want Bawdy to think that this is all his fault.

It really isn't. These are all my decisions. Sure, he's influencing some aspects of my life, but I want him to.

Gianna: I'm just an all around horrible child. I don't really want to talk about it now.

I still need to drive home without driving myself off the road and into a tree. Reliving tonight's dinner is not a good choice right now.

Bawdy: How about I come over after my show?

I smile genuinely for the first time tonight. His publicist is already pissed the I've been sneaking over to his place, but to our knowledge no one publicly has noticed yet.

I guess we both just know what it's like to have people trying to control our lives.