IVY

I was breathing heavily when I got outside, looking around the space for him. I stopped when I saw him walking towards a parked car. It was cold out and a little windy. The sickness of how fake the atmosphere was didn't bug me.

The only thing I could think of was Ethan—how badly I wanted to be wrong.

"Murray!" I yelled.

He stopped in his tracks. His shoulders grew tense. And he took his time before turning slowly in my direction.

The bubble of withheld tears tickled my throat. I didn't need to confirm anything. His eyes held the truth in them. My shoulders sagged as I began making my way to him, slowly this time.

When I reached him, my vision was blurry, my eyes searching his. "Deny it."

His eyes left mine, looking down. I bent my head slightly, trying to catch his gaze. "Deny it, Ethan." My voice shook.

He swallowed, his jaw locking as he raised his eyes to meet mine. "I'm sorry."

The squeeze my heart gave had me stumbling back. My eyes left him, and the tears fell, allowing more to build up and drop down my face.

He took a step forward, and I took one back.

"I'm sorry." He repeated, voice pained. "I wanted to tell you. I—you were the first person I ran to after remembering, and I—I saw you with him, and—you seemed happy, Ivy. You seemed to be doing all right; I didn't want to ruin that."

I shook my head, my hand covering my mouth as I watched him. I really watched him.

How blind was he? What kind of assumption had he come to? How could he even think for one second that there was a world where I would be happy without him? How—

"I didn't want you to find out this way. I didn't want you to find out because I thought it would only cause you more trouble. I was stupid. I'm sorry."

I looked back at him, not caring if my makeup was ruined.

"You're sorry." I managed out, voice thick with tears as my brows drew down in confusion because I was confused; I was so fucking confused I felt like screaming my lungs out. "You're sorry?"

"Ivy—"

Both my fists landed on his chest, pushing him back. "You're sorry, Ethan?" I pushed again, and he stumbled back. "That's all you can think to say to me?" I pushed again.

"Ivy—"

"Sorry?" I gritted out in tears, I pushed him again, and he held my hand to his chest, stopping my next attack. I fought to free my hand, but his grip was firm. I cried for two reasons: one was because he was okay now and remembered everything, and the second was because he allowed days to go by before he could tell me. He didn't even tell me; he didn't want to. All because he had seen and believed whatever his head had made up for him.

"Why?" my voice was strained. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Ponytail—"

"Let go of me,"

"Ivy, I—"

"Let go, Ethan."

He did, and I wiped my tears, feeling like an idiot.

"I thought you'd moved on," he said. "I stopped by your apartment and saw him there, with Fiona and Caramel, and I didn't—I didn't want to intrude. This was not what I wanted."

I blew a shaky breath, swallowing the tears that threatened to come again.

I sniffed, trying to regain my composure.

"Ivy—"

"You saw me—with—with another guy, we weren't kissing or declaring 'I love yous,' you saw two friends, and you rushed to assume there was something else. That I have moved on, knowing you're alive and fucking breathing, living a life with strangers you think are family. You thought I'd—" my voice cut off when tears clogged my throat.

I allowed the tears to fall freely again, knowing there was no point in holding back. "Ethan, for a year, a fucking year when you were gone, I couldn't move on, couldn't think of a life outside of you, and now that you're back, you think—you think I'd just give up?"

He raked his fingers through his hair. "I didn't know what I was thinking,"

A teary-filled, humorless laugh escaped me. "You weren't thinking, that's what. God—I'm such an idiot."

"I'm sorry,"

"Stop fucking saying sorry, Ethan! I didn't fall! I didn't stub my toe or bang my head on the door. Can't you see what this is? Did you forget how we got separated? I still have fucking nightmares, so don't tell me you're sorry!"

The guilt in his eyes made me stop shouting; I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself.

"I stayed away because I thought that was best. Being in your life had only caused you pain, Ivy. And then I see you laughing, happy. You can't fucking stand there and tell me if our roles were reversed, you wouldn't think of letting me be."

"That's bullshit; I would run to you."

"I did run to you, Ivy. I ran till I couldn't catch my fucking breath, and I had to stop to calm myself so that I wouldn't scare you. When I opened that door and saw you with him, saw the way you looked at him, I felt like I was intruding."

"The way I looked at him?" I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.

"Yes. Like you liked him, like he was the only one in the room."

"He was the only one in the room," I said, hugging myself, cold biting my skin at the absence of his warmth.

"You know what I mean, Ivy."

"No, I don't."

He looked frustrated now. "I'm not an idiot. I know something else is up with you two. You came with him tonight."

"Because he's my friend, and he asked—what the fuck is going on here? Are you trying to gaslight me?"

"That's not gaslighting; I'm trying to make you see that I only did what I thought was right. I wanted to back off from your thing. You're honestly better off with him than me."

I scoffed, his words hitting me right in the chest, fresh tears building in my eyes again.

"Look at us, Ivy. Already fighting in just mere minutes of being together. We're unstable; you deserve more than this, more than my fucked-up life mingling with yours. I can't give you what he would give you without lifting a fucking finger. Normalcy, happiness, a chaos-free life."

I shook my head, pressing my lips to stop a sob from leaving me.

His eyes were red-rimmed, and when he looked away from me. "I'm sorry this happened, I'm sorry we got separated like that, I'm sorry I didn't tell—you." his voice shook. "But I—I know I made the right decision not to tell you. We can't do this again; we tried. You saw the way it ended."

The bile in my throat rose by the second, and my vision went blurry again.

He sniffed, discreetly wiping his eyes, before looking back at me. "Forget this. Me. forget me, Ivy, and move on."

I blinked, and the tears rolled down my cheeks. "You did not just say that to me." I couldn't recognize my voice.

"I did. Move on with him. I promise to stay out of your way—"

"What the fuck, Ethan?" It came out with a sob; I held myself as it shook my body. "How can you say that to me?"

"What do you want me to say? What's the best solution here, Ivy? A lot of shit is going down, shit you shouldn't get involved in. I need you out of it because it won't end well. Like the last fucking time. I'm not letting that happen again because we might not get so lucky."

"You think this is 'lucky'? You telling me to move on right after I find out you remember who I am and what we had?"

"I just think that's what is best."

I moved closer, pulled him by his collar, and searched his eyes. "I don't want him. I don't love him. I want you," I rested my forehead against his. "I love you. It's you I love, Ethan. I don't give a fuck about the stumbling blocks. I thought you didn't either."

"I don't—"

"Then why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?"

"Because I'm not strong enough to pull you closer. I'm not strong enough to lose you the second time, Ivy."

"That won't happen." I pulled back, and sad eyes looked back at me. "Do you trust in me? in us?"

"Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes, Ponytail. More than you know."

"Then baby, shut that sabotaging mind of yours for one goddam second and listen to your heart. Listen to me. I love you, and we will fight tooth and nail for this. You hear me?"

"Why does it seem like you wear the pants in this relationship?"

My smile tore through my tears. "I ordered you, with millions, I should wear the pants."

His hand held the side of my face, fingers entering my hair as he joined our lips in a searing kiss. I felt the impact of it right in my chest, my stomach flipping as he deepened the kiss, pouring his emotions into me.

Warmth snaked up from his hold on me to my whole body as his other hand came around my waist, pulling my body flush against his.

I slowly let myself get carried away with his lips on mine, my hold releasing from his shirt as my hands went around his neck, standing on my toes and kissing him back, tasting him like he was the best drink I'd had all night.

My heart felt complete, and a wave of emotions attacked my chest because this was happening; Ethan was here, Ethan was with me, and He remembered me. We were together.

When we broke apart to catch our breath, I held his gaze and said, "I want to get out of here."

He placed a soft kiss on my nose. "Okay, I was leaving anyway."

"I meant my place, together."

He blinked, his gaze flickering between my eyes in search of a meaning, and when he found it, he raised his brows. "Oh,"

"Yeah," I said with a laugh.

He pressed a kiss to my lips. "Come on, then."

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