Ethan

Stepping into the Rebel-lions hub was like entering what seemed to be a distant memory. The red booths, the neon lights, carefree laughter from different tables, the light smell of alcohol and sprite, snacks and milkshakes; the jackets, headbands; the small stage that held a band of three, playing different instruments to produce soft sounds that made the atmosphere even more somber.

I found a lot of familiar faces from the old dimension, and some stares lingered a little too long; some were accompanied by hushed whispers, while some just looked away after getting their fill of me.

It didn't make me feel uncomfortable. Mostly ashamed.

I ordered myself a beer and a burger and sat alone in a lone booth at the corner. It seemed to be the only thing I had in common with this building.

What used to be home seemed stranger than my wardrobe, which only consisted of white clothes, making me want to burn all things white around me.

The booth was secluded, away from those filled with close friends and maybe family...It was like me.

I'd never felt so alone in my entire life. And all it took was one mistake, a straightforward decision made out of fear, out of love. The only condolence I had was that it was probably a good decision.

Things were better this way. I was better this way.

I didn't need anyone; I couldn't need anyone. It never ended well in the past, and I didn't plan on making that same mistake again.

Looking around for one last time, I focused on my table, drinking my beer and eating my burger, just like a stranger would do when he walked into a bar that felt more familiar than himself. In my head, the people who stole glances at me were strangers curious to know who I was, where I got my jacket, or whatever everyday strangers would think of people they hadn't seen before but were curious about.

As I ate, I lost track of time; I had no sense of mind, just my surrounding, just the vibes. I didn't want to think about what I'd seen a few hours before coming here, didn't want to remember what I had experienced 24hrs before this one; I didn't want to wonder why I saw whom I saw at that party; I didn't want to question why I was still breathing.

But I couldn't stop it—I could still see myself sitting in that car, watching Markel walk up to her front door, knocking and waiting for her to open up.

She did—with a grin on her face. He had pulled her in, kissing her cheek while she led him inside. From the window, I could see Fiona entering the living room, Markel saying something that made her laugh. It didn't take time before Caramel joined them, and then the pizza boxes arrived.

I watched them eat and talk together, laughing and smiling like there wasn't any problem in the world.

When I saw Ivy laugh at something Markel said, I couldn't help but smile and ignore the squeeze in my heart because I wasn't responsible for that laughter.

It felt good, though, to see her laugh like that. I would be a world-class asshole if I took that away from her.

Ivy and I were meant to be, but maybe we weren't made to last. I had to accept that. I had to let her go for her sake. For everyone's sake.

I watched them for a few minutes more before driving away.

I drove around for hours before I ended up at the Rebel-lions hub.

I threw the last piece of burger in my mouth and relaxed back in the booth, closing my eyes as I chewed.

I didn't kill him.

I didn't shoot him to kill, but I thought he was dead. I mourned him. I mourned Ralph, but somehow, he made it. I was happy he did, glad that I failed, glad that at the last minute, I shifted an inch away from his heart, glad Glory had a purpose for him because if she didn't, he would be dead.

That was a good thing.

Ralph's alive. Fucking things up. But alive.

I breathed out, opening my eyes, just in time to see Roman slip in opposite me.

"Hey." He said in greeting, throwing his bag to the end of the booth, uncapping his can of beer, and drinking.

I watched him drink without stopping, eyes shut tight as if he hated the taste but wanted to get drunk.

When he finished, he dropped the can on the table, opened his eyes, and wiped his mouth with his knuckles as he breathed, eyes finally meeting mine.

"I thought white was like a mandatory uniform you superiors gotta wear." He said, eyes scanning my black jacket.

"Ivy Fisher is a Superior, and she doesn't wear white; why must I?" I responded, sitting upright, grabbing my beer bottle, and drinking.

"Makes sense," Roman said, looking around us with a frown. "What doesn't make sense is you sitting here alone."

"I was hungry."

"There are many restaurants close to your house, and you have many friends. Why come all the way here...alone?"

I shrugged. "I wanted to."

Roman nodded, still looking confused. "Or were you hoping to catch Ivy?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Okay, I'll drop it," he said, going silent before drinking from the can again.

"Why are you here alone?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Hungry too."

"Isn't Fiona your girlfriend?"

He swallowed before nodding hesitantly. "Yeah."

"And Fisher's like your best friend? I heard you're both earthlings."

"Outsiders, yes. We don't call it earthlings."

"You gotta admit, earthlings have a nice ring to it."

Roman scoffed. "Yeah, it does."

"Why aren't you having dinner with them?"

"Many reasons."

"I have nowhere to go; I'm all ears," I said, relaxing in the booth.

"Okay—you might be able to help since you're like an expert in relationships—" his eyes widened. "I mean, you look like an expert in relationships."

I smiled. "Trust me; I'm not. I make terrible relationship decisions; that's why none ever lasted."

"Right." He blinked.

"But you can tell me...who knows, I might have a solution."

Roman blew out a breath. "Okay. I'm trying to find the right way to end things with Fiona. But I don't think there's a right way to tell someone you love that you want to break up with them."

Now that got my attention. In a wrong way. "What the fuck?"

Roman's eyes widened again. "Wait, no—I don't mean it as an 'I'm the asshole who wants to dump my girlfriend because I got bored' kinda thing. It's more like—I want to break up with her because I might be dying."

I sat up straight, eyes scanning his body like I would see what was killing him right there. "What do you mean, dying?"

"That's not the part I want you to focus on."

"That's the part I want to focus on. Explain."

He rolled his eyes. "You sound so much like Ivy. I swear it's fucking scary."

I schooled my features. "I'm only concerned. Now tell me."

He sighed, staying silent for a few beats before speaking. "My body is fighting my chip." He said. "I was dying when they put the chip in me, and um—the reactions I had afterward were mind-blowing. My brain was abnormal in a good way—until I started going crazy, and it's like system overload in my brain, and now my body doesn't want it, and—yeah, I've been getting nosebleeds. That started recently, too—in all, my brain is frying, and before it fries to a crust, I want to help Ivy as much as I can...without being close to her, because if I am, she'd know something's wrong, and then she'd try to fix me—and trust me when I say it would be a whole rollercoaster of, 'it's all my fault' and blah blah blah. I'm trying to avoid all of that."

I blinked. "And you haven't contacted health centers that deal with this? Or even the facility?"

He shrugged. "I'm dead anyway; this chip is the only thing keeping me alive; I might as well do something useful before—you know—I die or something."

"Oliver can help—"

"No! Please—anybody but Oliver...in fact, I don't want anyone."

"Roman—"

"You know what is worse than living? It's the fact that you're living to be a burden to those you care about. I should have died, Ethan. A long fucking time ago, but while I appreciate Ivy and everyone helping me, I just—I've never been the same Roman. I'm unrecognizable to myself, like a—like a stranger in my own body. I can't—I don't want to live like that."

"I can relate. I know how overwhelming it feels. You just want to end it all, for everyone's sake. But take it from the guy who has tried and died many times, when he says it's not worth it." I told him. "I don't have options to escape this...I can't die, and I can't fully live. I'm forever doomed to remain in this—box. I've stopped trying to die because it's fucking empty, Roman; without life, you're—empty—you're nothing, and while you might think it's better that way, it's not. It's fucking worse."

He nodded. "I get it, but—I cannot help myself; trust me—I've tried."

"Oliver..." I suggested again.

"What's the guarantee he'd be able to help?"

"He's a healer. He might find it difficult, but with my help, you'll be good as new. I'm perfectly sure of that."

"You won't utter a word of this to Ivy when you talk to her."

I gave him a small smile before speaking. "I don't plan to, so you have nothing to worry about."

***

When I entered the house, Silas was pacing with a stern frown. When I closed the door behind me, he looked up, the frown leaving his brows, replaced with relief.

"What the fuck, Ethan! Where the hell did you keep your phone?"

I kicked off my shoes. "I don't know. In my bedroom? I didn't take it out."

"Where have you been?"

"Jumping off buildings, dying, waking up, screaming my lungs out, cutting my throat open, waking up, screaming again, driving around, getting new clothes, driving around a bit more, and then I went to eat, had a small chat with a friend—the usual."

Silas sighed. "Poor thing."

"Yeah," I said without feeling.

"Glory told me you asked her to touch up your memories, bring back the ones she stole...I figured you might have tried to get out of your head. I didn't think it would take you all day, though."

"Yeah."

"Ethan—"

"Yeah?" I snapped.

"You're angry—it's normal—"

I walked up to him, finger poking his chest as I said. "Eat. Shit."

"It's not appetizing. Trust me; I've tried."

Disgust crawled up my spine. "You're fucking—ugh, I can't deal with you." I began walking away.

"I'm just fucking with you."

"Leave me alone," I said, dropping onto the couch because I couldn't stomach the thought of going to that tainted room upstairs.

Silas settled on the one-sitter couch at the side. "Listen, kid, what you're going through, shouldn't be bottled up."

"So what? You want me to sit here and talk about my feelings with you?"

"If you think about it, I'm the only one you have."

I scoffed, looking away, my knee bouncing up and down while my emotions played around in my head—anger, hate, regret, love, frustration.

Silas sighed. "Glory is a bitch for what she did to you. Even I can admit that."

I turned to him with a glare. "Call her that again, and see if you'll still have the tongue to talk. We might not be able to die, but our body parts stay gone when they're gone."

"Such devotion to a woman who ruined your life, Ethan. This thing you have with her, it's fucking unhealthy. She's playing with your head, Eeth."

"I know."

"And you're letting her."

"I'm not. I'm just not a disrespectful bitch. Despite all she's done, There's no denying that she cares in a fucked-up way. She needs help."

"Right."

I closed my eyes, focusing on the bugs in the house, the cameras, and the little monitoring chips. I allowed the power in which they ran to flow through me, feeling the tingling in my fingers, and then I squished it, making them blind and deaf before I opened my eyes.

"Yeah, death is the only help she needs," I continued, making Silas raise his brows in surprise. "I can't afford to show her how pissed off I am or how I want to push her off a building and stab the end of her heel through her forehead." I let out a long shaky breath. "Like us, she can't die, but if I get close enough, if I gain her trust, if she thinks she's the only one I care about, I'd know where to attack from."

Silas blinked. "Oh wow, I thought—you know what? Never mind, I like this plan better. It's perfect. Except, there's something you need to know."

I frowned. "What's that?"

"Dean is an asset to finish off Glory and this dimension."

"Dean fucked us up."

Silas nodded. "You and the Rebel-lions were so close to freedom the last time you tried. But Glory caught on—and she got to Dean...she offered him the only thing he'd wanted more than freedom."

"And..."

"Lacy, his daughter."

I paused.

"Yeah, everyone assumed she was dead, but Glory didn't exactly say she killed her."

"Lacy is—here?"

Silas nodded. "Yes, Ethan."

My throat went dry. "She was bait for whenever Dean went out of line."

"Indeed, but that doesn't mean Dean can't be bent. I've been working up a plan of my own since—well—since forever. These Lithians are ruining things, but we'll need the help of the Rebel-lions and the Superiors. We can still get out of here."

"I can't involve Ivy in this shit. She's happy now—"

"She told you that?"

"I saw it."

Silas frowned. "Wait—she doesn't know you—you remember? You haven't told her?"

I shook my head. "I wanted to, but—I chickened out when I saw her with that Markel guy. They were close, and um—she's moved on; I don't want to ruin that."

Silas shook his head slowly, his eyes shining with disbelief. "I've seen dumb people, Ethan, but you, damn, you take the crown."

"For once, I don't want to be selfish. It's for the best."

Silas scoffed. "Okay, idiot. I will ask her for help since you're so fucking stupid to see that the girl isn't happy. You can keep pretending you don't remember shit, but we're getting all the help we can and bringing them back into it because they have the voice and the numbers."

I sighed when he got to his feet.

"You might not see it, Ethan, but there's more at play here, and I've been working on this shit for years. I'm not going to let your foolishness ruin it." And then, he was gone, climbing upstairs to his room.

I closed my eyes, throwing my head back on the couch as I brought the gadgets back online.

__

VOTE AND COMMENT!

Thanks for reading!

TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS.

Ethan remembers? What?

Now we know why he was so disappointed when he saw Markel and Ivy in that Broadcast room.

Do you think he's making the right decision to keep this new progress to himself?

Will Ivy find out he remembers?

How do you think she'd react when she finds out?

See you guys on Wednesday! Till then, stay safe!