OK I JUST WANT TO PUT THIS HERE!! There is a self harm warning in this!! I wanted to put this so that you guys know!!! In no way am I promoting self harm!!!! It's just part of the story!! Please seek help, if you are thinking about/or are self  harming!!

I finished getting dressed in my ripped black jeans, an black t-shirt. Slipping on my yellow converse, I walked out to the back  patio, my phone in one hand, an a cool silver blade in the other. I flopped heavily down into the plastic wood painted lounge chair, and sighed, feeling my breathing shaking, and a few tears roll down my cheeks.
      I propped one leg up on the edge of the chair, an glanced down at my legs, the pale unmarked flesh peeking through the rips, as my visor blurred and the world spun.
      I could feel my throat closing as sobs were ripped from my heaving chest. My fingers clawed at my throat, as I couldn't breathe, I gasped pulling deep heavy breathes. Turning to force lungfuls of air into my chest, I reached with shaking hands on the side table, and grabbed the cool silver, slicing a thin, yet deep cut into my finger.
       I saw red, an my brain blanked. I could feel the deep stinging in my thighs as it was pressed down, sliding it across the once unmarked skin. Deep, red angry gashes deformed my my once pale thighs, the clinging of the blade hitting the solid concrete as I dropped it from my shaking fingers, unable to hold it anymore. 
       I cried, holding my head in my hands, feeling the salty tears falling down my cheeks, an landing inside the deep gashes in my thighs. The slow dripping of the blood as it soaked through my pants, an fell, collecting in a scarlet pool, by my feet.
     I shook, the feeling of the stinging on my thighs jarred my attention. Grabbing my phone, and shoving it into my back pocket, I stood on shaking legs an forced myself to the bathroom.
     Turning on the warm water, I flipped the shower head on. I stripped, gently peeling the blood soaked pants off, I yanked the t-shirt off my head, and through it. I stood, naked, the once unmarked skin on my pale legs, was a stark contrast.
    The pale white, had gashes of a deep, angry scarlet going diagonally, and parallel. Streaks of slow deep red dripped down my legs, collecting on the ground. I stepped in slowly, making sure to be careful with the now present gashes.
    I winced slightly, the stinging of the water as it lashed against my already raw skin, washing away the red rivers, making the water around me a deep rusty crimson. I closed my eyes, an clenched my jaw.
   Don't you fucking cry, it's pathetic. Just like you. I thought to myself, the little voice in the back of head chanted at me, reminding me of everything wrong with me.
    The rattling, gasping of my lungs as they heaved up an some filled my ears, my shaking hands ripping fistfuls of hair from my head, as I collapsed to the floor of the shower. The broken, bitten finger nails chawed at my throat, as I felt a scream tearing from my throat.
     The salty trails of tears, stinging, an falling into the open wounds on my thighs, screaming in pain as they ripped father. The pounding of my hands as they beat my head, my shoulders, sides and thighs.
   The world began to spin, an blacken. I lunged an shit the water off, standing on shaking legs, I threw on the first clothes I saw, an collapsed where I stood. My eyes shut, my breathe coming in gasping, rattling lungful.
    The soft, gray brown carpet, rubbing against my exposed arms and hands. My chest heaved up and down, my eyes closing. The last thought that ran through my head, I wonder if he ever added me back...?......

So....... this was hella depressing :/
If any of you need to talk, I'm here. Message me an I'll answer when I can. I'm here for y'all :)