In the blink of an eye, Namjoon began to engross himself in his new albums and musicals after he had joined BigHit again.

Although, it was hard coping up with the fact of BTS's split, he had learnt even if there is pain, people choose to grow into it for their devotion.

So was it for him. Even if the thought would criple him at times, seeing the members often, made it all the more worth any hardship.

Namjoon moved all his major works to BigHit, nonetheless he also had his house studio functional.

Ding!

He picked up his phone at the notification and reached the content right away after a brief glance at the channel name.

"Exploring Gosan, Places to visit? || Vlog 10" read the caption of the new upload. Keeping it on play, he placed the phone aside as he got back to doing some computer work he was previously at, in the house studio.

It kind of figured a routine for itself, Namjoon would often follow these videos on YouTube while carrying out his usual work at home.

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"Back home in Netherlands. Meet my Mom and Dad || Vlog 15"

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"New apartment tour || Vlog 17"

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"1 Year Anniversary ft. Yoon Hae In(lunch dates, karaoke, sleep overs) || Vlog 20"

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"Chuseok Festival || Vlog 23"

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As time smoothly lapsed through, Namjoon couldn't have a spare second to anticipate for his birthday, he was already living it.

His cellphone blew up with flooding wishes all over his twitter and other social networking accounts.

Wanting to keep his words, resting the phone back, he started a live as promised to the fans.
The number of the veiwers rocketed within seconds of the live being in session.

He blankly stared at everyone joining in for a straight one minute. Slowly breaking the freeze, he began with the greetings and showed his gratitude with big smiles. The birthday wishes cascading up the comment section, coming a bunch every second.

It had been two long months that he went live and therefore interacted with the fans for a good half an hour. Just about the random things, his daily life, collab plans and works of recent.

NJ : (-silently reading comments-) Yeh? What did you say? "Play an english song"? (-picks his phone-) Ah, what shall I play though? (-looks back at the comments-) "Something soft and light"?

Namjoon scrolled back through the list of artists in his phone and stopped at one. He didn't quite grasp the title of the song and played a random one from that playlist.

NJ : Okay. This one would do. Anson Seabra. (-rests the phone back on the table-) Onh.. I really love his works in general. The melodies are soft and the lyrics tell you a lot. He is great. (-appreciating wholeheartedly-)

"Almost thought we could've been something
Almost thought we could have tried, but
It didn't happen so I need you to get out my life"

NJ : (-reads comments-) Neh? I should cover this, you say? (-chuckles-) Like a birthday cover? (-chuckles again-) I am not confident about that. Maybe I will try to cover something next year. Yes. Maybe.

Namjoon, busy reading the fan's words, tried his best not to let his mind wander back to the day, he hated to recall.

"Oh and I should know this could never work
Oh, this could never end well"

But, the lyrics of the song seemed to hypnotize him and reverse to the day of Seol Ah's farewell. To their reckless behaviour. No matter how helpless they were against the moment, that didn't mean they could be justified or spared just like the lyrics sang.

"We couldn't help it but you know that doesn't make it right."

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NJ : (-moistened eyes-) We ca-can't do this.

Seol Ah's eyes whipped up at his with hurt transparent in her wet eyes. How she had considered something so absurd to be true and happening. Just a second, and his words splashed her awake from her surreal reality.

"You say I'm selfish but I know you felt the same inside"

She looked away in an instant, forcing a smile while nodding in agreement. It was no less than a mental torture for her to act understanding then.

Seol Ah wished for the reckless to remain a little longer, maybe the words would've been different. It was too hard and frustrating to reason responsible and rational everytime.

"But oh, what if we're wrong?
What if we're not all that we thought?
Then we won't make it long
But hey, I guess that's us"

Namjoon, seeing her nod was the last thing he ever wanted. Although, he had zero expectations for them, her accordance was heartbreaking, little to his surprise.

He, at once, broke apart from her, creating a distance between their figures.

NJ : I am sorry.

SEOL AH : (-sniffs getting her trench coat-) I am sorry too. Take care ~

Tears inevitably pooled her eyes as she turned her back immediately to hide them.
Going for the handles of her suitcase, she wheeled it along, presenting him a casual walk outside.

Whereas, the free hand muffled her mouth from making any sounds. With each step that she took apart, the virtual strings of their hearts ruthlessly ripped the connection between their souls. It took months to knit, but seconds to rupture the delicate cloud of affection.

If one was practically penetrating a knife straight to their hearts, that would've made more sense. And would've posed as a reason of understanding to their crucifying ache.

The front door closed behind her and the ambience suddenly felt icy against his warmed up body.

He leaned towards the wall pressing his palms against it and loosened his head between his arms.
The right hand rolled into a fist and rammed on the wall, trying to distract the pain towards the fist.

In a minute, the punches stopped and droplets of tears dripped from his eyes straight to the ground.

It was helpless. Although, he successfully bruised his hand, it only seemed to add to the prickle.

Namjoon broke his stance, falling on his knees as if accepting defeat— his arms carelessly rested on his thighs.

Soon as the quite tears alarmed the louder howl, he buried his eyes into his palms wanting to block the flow of tears.

The malicious stings around his chest had his figure to bend forward as he clutched it tight with his bruised hand. Breaths out of rhythm at the lamented wails, his face was a mess with fluids everywhere.

For a moment, he experienced a short of breath as if the heart was unable to pump enough oxygen and adequately. He coughed, breathing heavily and beating his chest a few times. The grief of her leave painted through his skin.

An hour later, there was quietness of a funeral inside the black house. Namjoon was seated on the floor with the wall supporting his back. Eyes dried out and itchy. He was tired, he was vulnerable.

Kim's voice, in a while, screeched through his deafened ears but he didn't respond.

KIM : I escorted Seol Ah-ssi safely to her friend's place.

Having no movements from him, Kim grew further concerned about his demeanor and kneeled next to him.

KIM : Sir Joon, are you alright? You should rest for today. I can postpone the evening schedules for you.

Namjoon finally attempted to talk but had a raspy and deeper voice than usual.

NJ : I am fine. Good work today.

Before Kim made any comments, Namjoon stirred his stumps and stood up, Kim following him right after.

NJ : I will be in my room. Give me a heads up an hour prior to the meetings.

Kim, with a quick and short bow, responded in an agreement to his request as Namjoon walked away dejectedly.

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"Everybody says it's all okay
Everybody says we're fine, but
Guess someone else is what you need to make you feel alright"

That was the day and the present was another, but the hurt never changed neither would it ever.

He was extraordinarily wrong about being 'fine with time'.

Time sure heals the wound, but it leaves the scar behind. To remind us of the pain and narrate the story of what we have been through. It teaches us to appreciate every moment that we are blessed with, even after the worst times.

The eyes wouldn't form sad tears anymore. He wouldn't have to force himself to smile anymore. Namjoon had everything.

Yet there was often a feeling of emptiness. Something incomplete and unaccomplished.

He would often wonder and voice it to the figure, covered under the black sheets. It was seated far away from his reach inside his spiritual platform and never responded.

His inside has lit up brighter now. Atleast, it was no longer pitch dark and the black figure appeared more distinct with the constrast of the shinier surroundings.

With the end of his live interaction with his fans, he was on the casual daily chore to shut everything down and sleep. However, one specific birthday wish made it to his notice, uploaded that instant.

"Happy Birthday, Namjoon-ah or should I say, Black? As promised, this is my last present to you," the message read.

Within minutes, every social panel he shifted to had arguments on the anonymous revelations of him being Black. He could tell in a glance that it was Seong PD's deed, but it was too late to manage the ruins.

Although, Namjoon had abandoned the title long back after he joined Bighit and no longer needed it. The title, seemingly had unfinished business with him.

Upon his agency's advice—the next day— to ignore and keep silence on the unproven facts. He walked the paths he was asked to, and didn't react to any news for the time being.

Nevertheless, he began to have sleep deprivation. The fear of losing his image, his fans, his music once again, would jerk him up with torments in the dark hours.

While protecting the stage, he ended up shattering his heart in pieces, that he still couldn't mend himself from. And in that frightful hour, it appeared to him. No matter how hard he tries or sacrifices. In the end, he would never be able to save the castle from jolting down.

He was scared.

He didn't know what to do.

Restraining himself from any marshy thoughts, he rolled and twisted on his bed to find the most comfortable position which would help him sleep.

Nothing seemed to work, however. Maybe he needed a solace that he grew used to in those days when he had the same fears. But, Seol Ah was no more there to pat them away.

Memories of hers were no less a quagmire and he turned his body again to his left. From there, Namjoon's eyes fell on the moon outside the window.

He shifted a little more to his left to get the full view as he hurled the window curtains to a side.

The full moon always kind of reminded him of those artificial garden talks. He would often delude himself saying, there is moon, there is him, there is Seol Ah too. It was just one of those moments when they were both quietly standing under the moon.

He wistfully stared at it, wondering if she was doing well. Or crying herself to sleep. If it was so, does she have anyone beside her to comfort.

He could only wonder.

The next thing, Namjoon could percieve was extreme stagger and shock at the sudden scene of panic. He found himself holding Seol Ah's hand while she was falling off the balcony.

NJ : I got you! Hold onto my hand tight, okay?

SEOL AH : (-in between heavy cries-) Please, don't let go, Joon Sajangnim~

The hold at the point of contact was slipping off even after Namjoon's strongest grip. Sweat soaked his hair like wet from a shower. At a point, his arm muscles were growing numb at the excessive strain.

NJ : I will never! Leave. Your. Hand.

The second, his words ended, he saw her hands free from his. He couldn't feel his hands from the numbness. He couldn't hold on to her.

Her expressions were still and she was not crying anymore as she descended from his sight and vanished into a black hole.

"Why did you leave my hand?" Seol Ah's voice spoke to him in a painful whisper and he rushed back to his senses with a sudden loud thunderbolt.

He breathed greedily for a second, looking around with wide eyes. His very own room that he had been living in for two years then, looked hauntingly foreign.

Body stunned, his breath hitched at another thunder crack as he attempted to get out of the bed. Namjoon's eyes, then, fell on the sight of the moon covered amidst the grey clouds and a seasonless rainshower. Upon looking back inside, he realized the familiarity of his room and slowly harmonized his breathing.

Namjoon decided to head out of the room for a while, anyway. And as he drank some water, he was immersed, thinking about the nightmare he just woke up from.

NJ : Why on earth did I-...?

He placed the glass on the table with a light slam, being melamine it endured the extra force. Namjoon was feeling horrible, unable to hang on the fact that he let go of Seol Ah's hand even in his subconscious reality.

With less warmth of human life around, the murky house was colder and lonely. The lightening cracks glowed up the hall, every now and then, through the glass doors of the artificial garden.

With a sullen mood, he marched back to his room and casually sat on his bed— heart still beating in a faster pace.
Scared to sleep again and end up in a nightscare maze, he picked up his phone from charging. And leaned to the bed header as he unlocked it.

Namjoon noticed, among the numerous notifications, a specific one from the same channel he ardently followed. But, what weirded him out was the timing. Although it was uploaded slightly before mid-night, the creator's timings have always been a specific 7-9 in the evening.

"500K Subscribers! || Short Q&A"

The Idol had a faint smile at the caption as he plugged the ear pieces to listen closely to the vlogger. The voice, he would long to hear everyday even after doing it on a daily basis through the channel.

"Hey everyone, it's Seol here! (-ecstatic-) A few hours back, I noticed this channel hiting  500, 000 subscribers. That's half a million, for caramel's sake! I just couldn't believe it. Thank you so much to everyone for the humungous love and support! It has only been a year and a few months and the amount of response I get is of course greatly appreciated, but is amazingly unexpected at the same time."

Namjoon joined her jubilations and exuberance with a proud smile and a delighted heart. He couldn't appreciate less of the aesthetic and never-seen-before background of her room. With pretty lights, and creative pastel setting of small paintings, figurines and artificial flowers— all in right amount of colors contrasts and quantity, sat her like an essence to the complete view.

SEOL AH : (-from the video-) So, I thought maybe I should do something within this date, however raw it is. And here I am with a quick Q&A!

The rain outside making the ambience chillier, Namjoon tucked himself under his duvets to comfortably watch the short length of her speaking with grace.

SEOL AH : Also, since I didn't have much time, I figured out putting up a poll would be a better option for the questions.

Upon careful scrutiny, by then he recognized the night suit she had on.

SEOL AH : (-continues-) So basically, I sent out ten questions that I have seen you all frequently asking on the channel.

The suit buttons specifically, had that characteristic color format of black and white on each side. The one that she had lent him on the jenga night.

SEOL AH : And I will be answering the top five of them. (-sees the clock-) I have like two hours from now and this video must go out in that time, so let's just hop right int-

He immediately paused the seek and took a careful notice of the upper's arm that she held out alongwith her hand—to carry her phone while reading the questions.

One was missing.

His gaze switched over to the bed side drawers and he pulled out a small black box. It was the same he had given Seol Ah when he returned her button. Namjoon found the box in her room, only a few days ago but was too scared to look inside.

Even if an illusion, he wanted to believe he had atleast one small piece that was hers, in his possession. But, that moment was a once and for all call to end his illusion.

Thus, he hesitantly opened it for the first time and let out the breath he was holding. Namjoon, carefully, held that tiny material into his fingers with content.

He chuckled at himself for being so inane and immature. How he was met with sudden joy finding that button, might seem insignificant and pathetic from other's shoes. However, having nothing but a few memories which were starting to get rust, it was more than significant to him.

At a time when all the moments slowly fade and he is only left with remembrance of a manager he once liked. He believed, that button would forever help burn that jenga night in his memories.

Therefore, securing it back inside the drawers with a smile, he resumed the video once again.

SEOL AH : ...-nto it! (-reading a question-) Why don't I speak Korean on the channel? (-looking at the camera-) Simply because, I am too lazy to put subtitles(?) (-chuckles-)

Namjoon grinned alongwith her as he simultaneously scrolled through the comments.

SEOL AH : (-continues-) And moreover, most of my viewers—according to my demographs, are international. So, even for them to view my content comfortably, I don't speak Korean. But, if you want a full vlog in Korean, put your thoughts in the comments below! (-looks at her phone screen-)

"She was indeed best suited to YouTube. Look at her talk. Ou, I feel so proud of her," he remarked to himself with a lingering smile, slowly diving more into the video. And far away from the surface of his nightmares.

SEOL AH : (-reading the next question-) Do I have a boyfriend or have I dated anyone before?

His smile faded away as he nervously anticipated for her to end the suspense of the question.

SEOL AH : Well, . . .

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Not just yet! 😁

Pt.2 :- 9 p.m KST, but can be a few hours late.

Song Credits : That's us by Anson Seabra.