NJ : It's from our last concert as BTS. The arena was stuffed with Armys from all over the world.

So did it fill every corner of the wall as well. A picture from their last concert of the seven boys mingled among the crowd of miniature lights. The stage being a boat, they were sailing through their purple ocean. It glowed up with floating bioluminescence, all around them in the night sky.

SEOL AH : Where are you? (-eyes filled with the wholesome view of the wall-) Looks like a drone click. It got everything.

NJ : Yeah, it was. (-pointing at the stage-) I am here, with the members. (-running his index on the small indistinct figures-) Taehyungie, Yoongi Hyung, Jin Hyung, Jeonggukie, me, Jiminie and Hobie.

Namjoon's eyes slowly moistened, roaming his gaze around the wall.
Although, she couldn't time the exact moment, Seol Ah was watchful of his expressions since quite a while now. In the sole expectancy, of seeing the smile he had lost.

At that moment too, albeit his eyes glistened with light tears, he was smiling with all his heart and dimples defined.

Another instance added to the jar of her collection of reasons, that brought those smiles to his mood.

Nevertheless, the instances were different in each case, there was a focal point where all such reasons converged- to be ultimately standing as one.

-BTS.

Gradually, as apprehended by Namjoon, the music video girdled him around, tightly thoroughout the week long. He would come home late almost every night, having Seol Ah advised not to wait.

She was never less engrossed by the surge of appointment bookings, during her work time. With the nation wide known trial that Namjoon had gone through, people tailed him for days. Simply to get, atleast one appearance in their shows and programs.

Public interest mattered for the broadcasting networks, and he topped all the lists then. The case made him a hot topic in every radio station and talk show.

On the positive side- the plagiarism accusation, helped him and his album, receive a sponsorless publicity, after it was proven false.

Hence, not a second spared, Seol Ah constantly attended to calls ringing one after another. Some would successfully grab themselves an hour from the artist, some would get the line busy for days.

Back to working like an ox in the field, both would have sound and long sleeps at night. And rush in the mornings, like there was no tomorrow.
They could hardly utter an extra word apart from something work related.

In a span of six long days till late night hours, without a rest, Namjoon shot all the scenes for the music video. Just as he had requested it to be done, in the shortest time possible. Not to mention, the MV was yet to undergo a heavy editing procedure, before it was officially released.

After the fastest flying week, Seol Ah found herself looking at her room one last time. It was clean and neatly packed out. The emptiness of it, spread a nostalgic smile over her face as she exited the room.

Wheeling her suitcase towards the corridor, she halted it against the wall angled to the black curtained one.
Resting her trench coat alongwith her sling bag on top of the luggage, she headed towards Namjoon's studio.

After the shootings, it was a day that he was finally taking an off, although had a few meetings in the evening.

For a moment, Seol Ah's hand lightly trembled in nervousness, as she held it against the door. 'Leaving a place' is very ordinary and simple as the words suggest. But, it starts to stir a mixed emotion when 'forever' adds to the same line.
So it was for her. There was a certain disquiet and quease as she knocked twice, and entered the studio right after.

SEOL AH : (-hands the notepad-) Here's your schedule for the following week.

NJ : (-studies it-) Ah, the whole week is full already?

SEOL AH : Is that a lot? Shall I cut out some appointments?

NJ : Oh, no no. I have been resting for too long. This much is fine.

SEOL AH : (-after a pause-) Joon Sajangnim.

It was the first time, she prefixed his name to the address. Namjoon, more than a respond to her call, raised his gaze in fluster.

SEOL AH : The 'new manager recruitment'. Are you going to put it out soon? You will need a manager though. But, you hardly have the time to interview anyone right now.

NJ : Oh, yes. You are right. I fell short to put out the notice on time.

SEOL AH : Can I somehow help you with that?

NJ : (-chuckles-) Help? Again? It's okay, Seol manager. You can end that now.

Seol Ah felt a nostalgia creeping her at his address to her. The one, he rarely used and especially did to sound playfully formal.

SEOL AH : (-scrunches nose slightly-) All right. (-very formally-) Just make sure you rest plenty and dial down the caffine too, whenever you can.

He smiled and played along responding in an even heavier tone of formal interaction.

NJ : Ye, noted all points, Manager-nim. I shall take care in accordance to meet the best of your humble requests.

She couldn't help a small grin at his overly formal tone and choice of word frame. Getting what he was trying to convey, she dropped the respectful approach down to the usual level she would use.

SEOL AH : Oh right! The laptop and the cell phone are neatly rested on the couch table.

NJ : (-speaks usually-) Ah, okay. Also, Kim will be waiting outside. He will escort you.

SEOL AH : Oh, that isn't required though.

NJ : Just have him do it. It's like a complimentary ride from my side. Have the bother to let him know your destination. No matter how far it is, he will drive you there safely.

SEOL AH : Ah...

Namjoon seeing her still in some contemplation, spoke again.

NJ : Well, that's the age old tradition here. And are you the first human being who is rejecting something free?

SEOL AH : (-chuckles-) I am not rejecting it. I hesitated only till I confirmed it was for free.

NJ : (-nods-) Till you're taking it.

SEOL AH : Thank you. Also... (-seeing the time-)...since I still have twenty minutes as your manager. I would like to give you a last piece of advice if it's welcome.

NJ : It's over 12 though, 12 : 44 to be specific.

SEOL AH : Well, I remember signing the contract exactly at 1 : 04 p.m. So, technically I still am your manager. Besides, it is also complimentary.

NJ : (-grins-) Alright. Welcome it is.

SEOL AH : Thank you. Pardon me, if my words are off limits. My advice is, for you to consider joining BigHit entertainment once again. I just feel, even though you might still be unconscious about it. Yet, you long to be a part of BigHit.

NJ : (-takes interest in her words-) Did I really give that off?

SEOL AH : (-nods innocently-) I realized, the genuine smile that I always tried to bring on your face, can only come when you are around them. The other members of BTS, in that environment.

NJ : Wait a second. You always helped me beyond your job requirements, just to make me smile? Is that what it was all about?

SEOL AH : (-doesn't know how to answer-) Well, you can think it like that, I guess.

Namjoon leaned back to his chair, feeling something strange and peculiar in his guts. So strange, he had no words to describe the emotion.

NJ : Joining BigHit, I would still need a manager.

SEOL AH : Um... I suppose, that's how it works.

Even though, agencies already had managers they assign to their artists, Namjoon wanted to try out his luck with her. The actual reason, he hadn't sent out the manager vacancies was his wants to ponder over Bang PD's words for sometime, before taking any final decision.

NJ : So, will you be my manager?

Seol Ah was taken aback for a moment but soon grinned, and thought out a good way to present her opinions.

SEOL AH : That's the weirdest proposal I have ever received.

NJ : So, am I expecting the weirdest reply too?

SEOL AH : That's for you to decide if it's weird or not. I loved working for you, even though it was for a short time. But, I have come to realize, I would like my YouTube life better. That seems to be where I actually want to be.

Namjoon smiled looking down at his hands as he casually got up from his chair and walked to the dart board. Strangely, he was happier to be rejected if that made her sound so cool, and stand as someone with a consistent personality.
The ones who dare differ and stick to their opinions and individuality; he had a special admiration for them.

NJ : (-picking up a few dart arrows-) Did I ever compliment you for your hard work?

SEOL AH : I doubt that.

Namjoon giggled at her straightforward answer that came by without the least hesitation. He silently brought the dart arrows on his way back and reclined along the table. The setting corresponded to the first day of their meet.

NJ : You must be already curious what's inside the box kept in your front.

SEOL AH : (-looking at it-) Well, if you want to feed it.

NJ : That's your's. Sort of like a token of appreciation for your great service and patience.

While he shot an arrow, she click-opened the box.

SEOL AH : That's... You are returning my phone as a gift?

NJ : (-finds it hilarious-) No! Study it thoroughly.

On his command, she unlocked her phone which didn't have any legit locks aside a swipe.
It felt completely untouched which made her more flustered about his deeds on it.

With a careful notice, she reached the station he was calling her to.

SEOL AH : YOU RETRIEVED MY CHANNEL?!

NJ : (-gives her time to absorb it-) Well, I didn't delete it in the first place.

SEOL AH : (-constipated words-) Wh-wa-what?!

NJ : I had only hidden it from you until our contract was over. And since I was rejected. I thought might as well return your livelihood.

SEOL AH : (-sounding happy-) I don't know why everytime I feel grateful to you for something that already should belong to me. But, thank you. I had no idea how I was going to do it all over again. This really means alot to me.

NJ : (-smiles-) You're welcome.

Having silence from her side, he felt a sharp twinge in his heart. Namjoon has been handling the last farewell more than what was called 'breezy'.

Been lived this moment atleast four times each year, the valedictions did not quite seem to assimilate.

Nonetheless, it was never as taxing as Seol Ah's leave. Troubles, suffering, emotional conflicts and all other extremes maxed out with her. Of course, the farewell was not going to be any less than maximum.

For the most selfish he willed to be, was to see her often even after today. However, his professionalism showed no leniency for he had given his words against keeping any contacts with the managers after the three months.

In a strenuous tussle against his vulnerability surfacing, his hands hesitated to shoot the next dart arrow at his indecisiveness.

He clutched the arrow in his fist and landed it on the edge of the table- his spirit lugubrious and sombre.

Few centimeters away, breathing the same air and existing in the same space as him, Seol Ah was battling her own pickle. In a dilemma, between two choices‐both of which were bound to complicate things and brew an unwanted awkwardness.

Not because of her unparalleled bliss about reviving her channel, but upon analysis of her choices being a mere excuse—she was provoked to choose the forbidden.

Maybe that instant of gay only enjoined her instincts further to try it. Actions speak louder than words as they say. She chose the actions with imprudence and venture.

SEOL AH : (-walks to his side-) It might sound a little inane. But, if I can use it as an excuse, I am down to do it.

NJ : Huh?

He was snapped out of his thoughts for a moment, and looked at her with a confused gaze. A moment of silent stare, with thumping hearts and nameless feelings—Seol Ah proceeded towards him further closing the distance.

Namjoon experienced being a frozen sculpture as she came to him in a peculiar slow motion. His Adam's apple had just moved in a dry gulp and his face was already cupped in her soft palms.

The next thing he registered was her face, growing closer till it became blurry and something soft touched his lips.

His pulsating nerves now were rocketed at the sensation of an unfamiliar yet such a pleasant and warm feeling that he wanted to live in forever. And never let go.

However Seol Ah, after the brief peck, pulled back with a heavily beating heart. His eyes fixed at hers and still frozen.

"Rational SA: Wait, you aimed for his forehead! How did you land on the lip-" Sensitive Seol Ah spelled her rational side to cease as she danced inside her in pure ecstasy in the stage of heart. Hormones played a rhythmical orchestra with the brain conducting it. And the streams of blood, as the cheering audience, flowed through her veins with much jubilant enthusiasm.

Her instincts were dominant enough to deal past to sacrifice her first kiss to him. Too occupied dealing against her bullies and carrying her academics simultaneously, she hardly had the time for extra drama. Although, she did have a relationship once but that couldn't live long to level up to much intimacy.

SEOL AH : Now, I don't owe you anything.(-cheeks burning hot-) Thank you for everything, Mr. Joon. (-leaves with a quick bow-)

With the closure of the door, Namjoon grew conscious of his puffed breaths. He barely functioned from the numbness.

His heart throbbed rigorously fast to meet the needs of his stunned body. He was horrified at her words which rightly reached to him. That, she either remembered his forehead kiss all along or might have recently recollected.

He wanted to have just any thoughts, however petty it was, than being shamelessly blank.

Couldn't be helped, nonplussed and instructable was his state then.

Maybe the thoughtlessness was actually what he was craving for. Since, it gave him the permission to do the mindless wild.

In the next second, he flashed out of his studio. And found her adjusting the strap of her sling bag, picked up from atop of the suitcase.

NJ : Seol Ah! (-breaths slightly uneven-)

Although Seol Ah didn't use words, she shot her head at the source of the loud call-to find him staring from the studio.

Before she attempted to utter anything, he was already on move towards her. Faster than his normal walking pace.

The strong desire to reach faster and the uneasy tinglings before one does, was getting the best of him.

It is all worth it in the end. The rapture, the contentment that one is filled with at the moment of finally reaching one's goal. A feeling that it's completely claimed upon.

Namjoon rightly felt such enormity as her skin came in his touch once again and lips directly connected to hers- with relief, with a fulfillment.

Seol Ah's back eased against the black curtained wall as she closed her eyes. She gracefully returned his embrace of affection.

Her arms, lazily clinging to his neck, flashed a set of new hour in her wrist-watch as they dived more and more into the intoxicating ocean. It had rush of waves in the form of hormones, yet it was the most serene existence. It made one's heart thump crazy, but beat in satisfaction at the same time. It made the individual vulnerable, but the pair stand together stronger.

For the duo, it was newfangled and foreign. Fear was bound to be a part but they dared to explore with nervous hearts filled with tender emotions.

Nothing mattered to them for a moment. It was reckless and hasty.

Such powerful desires to hold on to it, moments kept slipping by, notwithstanding. Interposing one of his palms to support her head from the wall, the other fondled her with care and refined feelings.
Her fragnance filled him to the brim. The unforgettable and characteristic scents embraced their affliction of a farewell.

The moment one realizes that someone has become the most esteemed and treasured other, is the moment one must start bracing for the angst that was following.

There was a certain wetness in their closed eyes, both trying to dodge it as far as they could. With the kiss, from a sloppy and passionate one, pacing down to smooth and relaxed, breaking in short intervals- the intimacy was endeared with fond.

The bitter truth was threatening its way to their consciouses‐ brutally tugging the heartstrings. Growing gloom made them greedier for the last bits of it, until the head movement almost stopped and the lips only pouted to peck.

Slowly for that to stop as well and forheads remained in a tangential contact ‐ him gently caressing her soft skin against his palms. With the same heed one has with an infant- he adored her presense, her touch; he enamored the moment.

Agglutinated to each other, both innocently grinned at their thoughtless act with a hint of grim that it ended.

NJ : (-in a soft tone with light pants-) Seol-ah~

Seol Ah's arms now rested against his chest. She didn't dare, for a second, to meet his eyes. As against that, Namjoon revered her delicate eyelashes, more defined due to the wetness of tears.

He pleaded silently between sniffles just for once to be it a reality. To find her in his arms like that instant at any time he wished.

The forbidden title is what makes it more desirable. But, there are fruits that must not be eaten and doors that must not be walked through, no matter the desperation.

There are priorities that one had before and must protect, insusceptible to the new changes. Maybe egocentric was how he actually defined himself afterall, as he pulled out the courage to speak the bitters.

NJ : (-moistened eyes-) We- we can't do this.

.

.

.

______

🤧

"I feel by the wayside like everyone else
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you but I was kidding myself
Our every moment, I start to replace
'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I need to say.

When you hurt under the surface
Like trouble water running cold
Well, time can heal but this won't

So, before you go
Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go
Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless.

So, before you go"

~Lewis Capaldi
(Before you go)

There are going to be many song references in the remaining parts too.
Bear with me♡

~MJ's out