All I have ever wanted was to be happy and kind but I ended up with a scar on my left eye and slowly turning into the person everyone tried to prevent. I know the reason why I am acting like this but everyone who knows me does not. I am turning into a monster. As these thoughts are running through my head at 100 miles per hour, I did not see Rose come up. She knows how to help me within 3 seconds of her being there and I am happy. I forget about what I am thinking about.

We always talk to each other. She enjoys everything that we do together but unfortunately, we only see at school every day. I have turned into a monster but when Rose is around I am truly myself. The self I never had confidence in. As a 'female', things do get crazy. Every day I see women at my school talking about boys and who they want to marry. For me, it is about my future and who I want to be. I am never confident as a female because I do not feel like one.

I have a hard time focusing on everything I do and yet I still struggle and find things way too hard for me to do. I would spend 5 minutes on one thing then go and change the topic. I also never seem to be in the mindset. Today I know that I like pain when I see it in other people but I also like to go through the pain. I am not depressed and I just like seeing me or someone else gets hurt whether or not it is emotionally or physically. I don't really care how others feel when I do that.

I have to go but this has helped me get through my fidgety stage today. I will try to update whenever I can because I am busy and I too have a life.

Alex out.