Prepare your tissue box because I cried thinking about it.(Again).

I will tell you everything that I have been feeling, what this caused, and the story itself.

So lets get into it.
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Mean Girl 1: Jezabell
Mean Girl 2: Heather
Backstaber : Jewel
"Fake Love": Ryan
Verbal abuser: Coach B.
Midget bully  : Pigeon

Boyfriend   : Dom
Best friend : Jani

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It all started when I came to my current school. I had gotten to my class. It consisted of 10, 3 year olds.
  (It's been awhile bear with me)

4 students are main characters. Keep them in mind.

Jezabell and Heather would occasionally tease me and call me names. Kick me out of games. Tell me I wasn't good enough. But it never phased me back then because I never believed them. So I ignored them.

It was bearable until a girl came to my school. I back then(and still am) a social introvert.

So getting along with others was hard. So I stayed in the corner of the playground alone, on the swings alone, and just in general alone. Its how I liked it but I thought
"Ooh new student why not change myself and make friends"
(Forshadow worst decision I ever made. Continue)

So 2 days after she arrived. I talked to one of my only friends at the time. Jani and she kept telling me to go and talk to her. (More Forshadow worst plan ever. Continue.)

So I did(Like the idiot I was). We became friends, and soon became "Best Friends". I think that relationship moved to fast.

So I gave her my full utter trust. Until she started getting hate from Jezabell and Heather. Telling me she was a bad person.

So I ignored them.

I told her everything. She was hanging with others a lot and I started noticing I would get glares from people. They weren't nice glares.

So I asked Jani why everyone was basically against me. I come to find out that 1 of my deepest secrets had been told to Jezabell and Heather. And apparently it got out.

I was heartbroken. I remember telling her I didn't want to be friends. And I remember so vividly crying myself to sleep every night.

The next day I was forced to be her friend. I felt sympathy(Forshadow I couldn't give a BLEEP about her now. Continue.) for her.

At the end of 5 grade. April 29th, 2015, my life took a dive for the worst. I got in a relationship with a verbally and emotionally abusive boy. (He had a few screws loose)

I remember people started picking on me more than before. Mainly my so called "Friend" had a crush on him to.

There was one sentence I remembered from that time that has never left me. Because it hurt me so bad. She sad to me,
   "Once you break up with Ryan he's mine"

They hurt me back then. Pigeon even stole my phone 1 time. I remember I got in so much trouble. But sadly that's not even the worst that had happens to me.

So on the playground we were playing a game called capture the flag. Its pretty self explanatory.

Its a game where you make 2 teams. Each team hides their respective flags. And then you count down and then you are realised to find the other teams flag. But you have to bring it back to your base without getting tagged.

So we were doing this. And I found the flag almost instantly (being honest it was in a pretty obvious place) found their flag. So they(Jezabell and Heather) tackled me to the ground and yelled saying cheater.

Someone got the teacher. She came over and I got up, with a twisted ankle. But it doesn't stop there they kept pushing me. I fell on top of Jezabell. So she clawed my neck and pushed me forward.

I felt so emotionally attacked I ran of behind my school's high school building. I was crying really badly. By the time they got me out I had gotten ice. BUTT they almost gave ME a detention.

There is one other story.

I came into the gym. The previous day I had gotten into a pretty heated fight with Jewel(again...). I had almost gotten into ISS.

/ISS- In School Suspension\

Anyway so after 5 heart breaks, and a breakup. Both Jewel and Ryan had left my school.

Sadly

It doesn't end there. I also had a mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive coach. Ever since this I never really want to play Basketball. One of my favorite sports.

So I have something called Exercise Endused Azma (I spell it like that on purpose). For now we call it EEA. EEA is like regular azma but with exercise. It means instead of being and to run a lot and have good lung/breath while running its the opposite.

So this coach had told me these specific words and I have been scared of my inhaler ever since. Even now I'm skeptical of it.

She said, "Stop using your inhaler when you don't need it." So she basically called me a BLEEPING LIAR EVEN THOUGH IM LITERALLY DYING IN A CORNER.

But you may be thinking how was this experience so traumatizing. Well young inoccent child. I had cried every single practice. And almost killed myself.

I remember 1 day she told that if I didn't want to participate I could sit out. Which I did. And she asked me 3 times if I wanted to join. I said no. She took me out side and basically called me a limb to the team and told me to "leave".

So you may be thinking I quit the team.

You're wrong.

I left the gym hid in the down stairs bathroom. Even though I could have gone to my mom. I knew she would go there first. I even had a teacher on my side.

Moving by a year. Which was the ending of the of year(2017). When I was chilling I had finally felt whole again. Like I had a purpose. That I thought it was over. . . .

But boy was I wrong.

Life was going good until I heard a certain someone was coming back to my school. But it was just a rumour . . . . . right

WRONG

It was true Jewel was coming back after being kicked out of her old school. So the day she arrived. Which I, Heather, Jezabell, and Jam were all called to the office. And I'm like

"Holy Mother Of Satan. This is it my first detention. . . . what did I do again"

So I went into this room completely clueless. When I looked that room I saw her. Satan's daughter. Jewel.

I remember not even listening to my Principle talk and focused on trying not to cry.

I remember when he realised us I dashed up the stairs. I ran straight into Jani's arms. I experienced my first panic attack. And it was the worst one I've ever had.

One of the students was in there and I could see the horror in her face when she saw me so vulnerable.

The next few days I remember feeling depression came back. Soon it came to an end and all was fine. . . .

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During the beginning I was to inoccent. And gradually depression and anxiety swallowed me in. And I experienced first hand. Suicidal thoughts.

I always had one thing holding me back. Jani and Dom. I had experienced thoughts of if I was gone what would they do.

Because if I lose them, I would kill myself. I love them to deeply.

I can't say that I haven't tried or attempted. I eat carats with a knife. And I've cut my lip. I've sliced my finger. And have itched and broke skin on purpose. And tried with a comb. No one ever knew about this because I was embarrassed.

I felt as though no body would understand me. They would call me insane, mentally unstable, or the words people say to depressed kids
"Its all in your head"

No its not. You could reduce suicide if you fixed children. Watched them with care. Punished their Anus's. And did the right thing. Not sit back and tell them their BLEEPING insane.

ITS BLEEPING WRONG CAUSE IM GONNA BE LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

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(Social Anxiety)

What to look out for.

·sudden silence
·heavy breathing
·no response

/what goes on for me\

So when I'm having an attack I go silent and all the sound around me drowns out. All I can hear is my heart and my breathing. And my mind races at 10× the normal speed.

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Thank you to all these people.

jankipatel499
popygirl29
kaybug_turkey
Infires_mahn
kittenNik
belhardy
Bandit10117

And a special Thank you to Faith. For helping me keep my sanity. And telling me at my darkest hour that she would listen. That she was there and I could trust her. Giving me strength to not cut and kill myself. faithlavende
(I love you Thank you for   keeping me alive)

And thank you for reading this chapter and that I was able to tell you this.

I have 1 message though. Don't commit suicide its better to erase these thoughts and tell someone...

Love 💘 Leena

And now a
Baby photo montage

Bye bye ❤💛💚💕❤💕❤💕💚💖💛💖💛💜💙💚💛💚💛💞💕💚❤💕❤