TW: slight vent. 

I had a dream, y'know. 

Last night.

Of us. Me and you, together. 

All of us. 

Smiling, talking, laughing together. Smiling at each other. Talking to each other. Laughing at what we said, what we did, each other. At our ridiculous jokes, at our own stupidity. 

At the times we had. 

At the time we had. 

Together, the four of us. 

A family, we were. 

And I thought family was forever. 

Is it? 

Maybe it is. Maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe we just haven't waited long enough. Maybe it's just me who feels this way. 

But it's been how long – a month, a month and a half now? Why is there no closure? No definite cut, no slow dying down? You act cold, distant, but not cut off. Not separated. How do I know this isn't temporary? How do I know this is permanent? 

How do I know anything? 

Please, just let me know. 

Just one more time, can we try? 

It's okay if you don't want to try. 

I'm okay. 

I'll be okay. 

I'll be okay, on my own. Alone. 

I always am, anyway. It's fine. 

You can move on. 

I won't. 

I'll be okay. 

---

I tried, you know. You didn't have to. I didn't have to. 

None of us had to. 

None of us had to do anything. 

You didn't, after you left. 

You didn't try anymore. 

You walked out the door, leaving it open, leaving us hanging, leaving a wreck behind. 

We all left, in the end. 

We tried, the two of us. Well, I did. 

I don't know about her. 

Did she? 

I did. 

Was I the only one? 

Was I the only one who tried? 

Did you even care? 

I don't think you cared. Not at all. 

I don't expect you to care. 

Not anymore. 

Not after everything. 

And you all left. 

You left me. 

You've all "moved on," but I can tell you're still thinking about it. 

Can I? 

Are you? 

I don't think I can anymore. Not after what you've done. Not after what we've done. It wasn't right of me, I know. And I'm sorry. 

I don't expect you to be sorry, I don't think you should be. 

Or should you? 

I don't think you know how hard it is. 

I'm the only one who tried to hold on, aren't I? 

You all left. You all left the house in a mess, the door open, curtains flapping. You left me to clean up the mess you made. 

Maybe you don't see it that way, maybe I'm just being dramatic. Maybe I'm exaggerating how I feel. Or maybe I'm just sensitive. 

I don't know. 

Does that make me weak? Does that make me strong? 

What does holding on even do? 

'Cus now I'm alone. 

Do I make a new family? Try to get this one back? 

I really thought we were something. A family. 

But how the hell do you lose friends you've never had? 

---

A/N: technically this is targeted at people but I won't say names, guess I'm just too nice for that lmao– pisces energy– 

been looking at too much zodiac stuff- wait that doesn't exist–?? 

oops. uh, I should sleep lmao

gn! 

And to the three people this is meant for, look what you've left behind. 

(5/15/21)