Monday, September 17th, 2018

I decided to write this because I feel like crap as of right now. Mostly because a LOT of things have gone on as of just a few weeks.

I didn't want to make this to downgrade ANYTHING ANYONE else is going through. I'm just going through a rough spot right now, and I know that there is sunlight after the tornado passes. It may be a mess after it's gone, through, but you start to clean up than rebuild as soon as you can.

In fact, in just around three weeks, my Ex-girlfriend broke up with me, and started dating another guy, that everyone knows isn't the best. I don't want to give out any names of who they are, and I don't want to go into too much detail of what the guy is like, because last year we found a whole bunch of weird things on his ipod that SHOULDN'T be on their. The only hint i'll give about what it is, just think of the weird side of fandoms, that NO ONE really wants to fall into. That's all i'm going to say about it.

I'm still recovering from the break up mentally, and I just heard about it last friday at a game, and my mood, which is always pretty low, just dropped into the negatives by about five hundred percent.

I had dated that guy in Elementary school multiple times, and he wasn't the best in the slightest. I'm just in a really weird place in my life, nothing's really been helping my mental state, AT ALL. I've been smiling, but inside it hurts. I don't think knowing my ex is dating someone no one's been a fan of helps either.

I told my best friend about it, and she said that once my ex started dating the guy, she lost ALL credibility of being a good gf for me. She said I deserve someone better. The thing is, is that I was happy. That was the longest a relationship of mine had EVER lasted in my life. When something like that happens to you, it's hard to let go of what you once had.

One of my amazing friends told me over instagram once, that I'm too nice to people. At first I thought she meant polite, and defended myself. She then explained what she meant by it, and I had started thinking about it. After I had learned about my ex, I had started to think that I had just been used by her, just for a jolt of dopamine. Like my friend had warned me about.

I had told that to them that Friday, because I was at a football game, because I was playing pep band that night. They immediately said that wasn't the case and that we both had been happy. I tried to believe it, but that mental concern was, and still is, lingering in the back of my head.

The questions just keep coming one after the other, "How many people actually are my friends?" "Can I trust anyone anymore?" "Do I even have friends that don't use me?" "How many people just act like my friend to get close to me, than tear me apart from the inside out?"

I keep trying to not listen, but they just won't stop. It's making my art block worse and worse, and I can't write anything that I like anymore. Nothing I draw is up to my standards anymore, and they honestly never really were. Nothing I think of is good enough for me to draw. No ideas for chapters are stuff that I don't think anyone will ever like.

Nothing is good enough for me anymore. It doesn't help that since the end of last year I've started to skip meals at school, because I don't feel like I deserve to waste my parents money for food. I'm still doing that, and it's not a good thing to get into. I don't eat breakfast either. I do take my ADD medication in to morning with milk, but that's about it. All I had for breakfast THIS morning was a bag of fruit snacks, with nothing else but the things I'm required to take.

I know that there is a LOT worse things going on to people, and I, again, don't want to down play ANYTHING anyone else is going through, because some people have it a LOT worse.

Thank you for just reading. You have no idea how much that means to me.

*~*Agent AJ signing out*~*

AN: If you are wondering why I used a tornado instead of a storm, it's because a city near where I live was hit by a tornado recently, so my mind set is still on the damage that it has caused.