I love them with a passion, I really do. They make me feel super happy, and make me feel like I'm worth something, even though I'm not. Sometimes, they make me feel sad. Not on purpose, but they unintentionally make me want to cry.

Like leaving me on read. Or not picking up on when I feel down. I know they have a life, and it isn't me, nor revolves around me, but it still stings. Like my chest tightens and I get super sad. It's like my first ex, which makes me sad to compare them, because my current partner is so much better than him. We'll call my current partner Reilly. And my first ex Connor.

Well, Reilly loves me a lot, I know they do. But it hurts being left on read. While I was dating Connor, I'd say I'd want to erm... Cut... And he'd leave me on read. And all sorts of things like that situation, he'd leave me on read. One time he made me.. um.. do something I didn't want to. Reilly just thinks I almost did, but they don't know I did... What's good is Reilly is asexual, so I don't need to worry about that happening again.

They don't know how much I want to hurt myself- and I'm scared they won't care if I tell them. It's scary...

Well, I just hope they don't leave me. We have a long distance by about an hour, but we met in person. We've been dating for a little while, but they make me feel so much better about myself. It's nice. I just don't want them to hate me. Well, they've taken a trip for four months to Mexico, a whole different country. I'm in the US, so I have to wait four months to see them. They'll be there for their birthday, which sucks. ;; I miss them so much... Like I just want their hugs... They give me hugs every time we see each other, while my friends give me short curt, unheartfelt ones. One friend gives me a hug every day, and their hugs make me feel good, but I miss Reilly's hugs so much. We fall asleep cuddling- and now I'm just upset cuz I miss them so much.

I miss them so much, aaaahhhhh. I wanna cry. I have such a tight pain in my chest, oof.

Ima go before I get too emotional.

Have a lovely day, you deserve it! ❤❤