17th✯

I lived my life the same way I did before I met Astro. I did my best to forget about them, but sometimes, Rocky's confession would circle my head and remind me of my departure from their lives. 

If he expected an answer from me, I still needed time to reconsider my own feelings. Because when you're in a situation filled with mysteries, the feeling of love was forgettable. 

That was just it. He didn't expect an answer because he knows I'm gone and that I'm never ever going to go see them anymore. At this very moment, I bet he's figuring out how to stop those feelings of his for me. 

But why do I feel sad about that? It's stupid to think that the feeling of love could developed. As many times as I've told them, I should tell myself too; it's too late. It's all too late. 

I bet life's smirking at me, mocking about my stupidity. It's telling me, 'Well, if you didn't want it to end up this way, why didn't you stay?' 

I wish I could have everything without losing or giving up something else for it. It's sad because the saying 'life isn't fair' continues to exist. 

So I continued chanting to myself, "It's just unfair."

"What is, Aerim?" Ayoung asked, fixing her ponytail. 

"Huh?" I looked up at her and blinked obliviously. "O-oh, nothing. I was spacing out again."

She took a seat next to me on the empty bench under some shady trees and gave me a frown. "You know, ever since you left that show filming thingy, you've been acting strange. Did something happen? Something off camera?"

I eyed her with confusion in my eyes. "What else could happen off camera?"

"I don't know, maybe Sanha confessed to you or something and you two are secretly going out—"

Before she could continue whatever nonsense she was going on about, I nudged her in the guts and gave her a stern look. "We're not."

"Someone's grumpy," Ayoung teased, pinching my cheeks. "Come on, I'm your best friend, Aerim. Tell me if something happened and I can help you with it."

The thing was this was something a normal, average person like Ayoung couldn't simply give advise to. 

I shook my head and looked away. "No, there's nothing. I'm just sad that I had to leave. That's all."

"You sure?" Ayoung asked once again. 

I faced her. "What else could the reason be to explain why I'm like this?"

"I don't know, because you," she poked my chest, "are the only person who'd know the answer to that, little missy."

I did my best to not let the sigh that was at the brink of my lips, close to escaping, escape. You have no idea, Choi Ayoung... 

My life just continued as it was like it was planned from the start and the whole meeting with Astro was just another dream. If it was a just a dream, I should act like it never happened, and that it only happened in another world. 

It's time to kiss that time goodbye. 

"Eat." Ayoung shoved a piece of cut kimbap into my mouth. "You're not the Aerim I know right now so I'm hoping my mom's kimbap would help the Aerim I know return. Wherever she is right now."

One bite of the kimbap in my mouth and I felt all my worries wash away—not completely, but enough for me to enjoy things like I used to. 

There'll be a time when I'll finally forget the boys that made me feel like I was riding on a vessel in the vast, dark ocean, not knowing where we would end up in. Right now, I was the only one on that vessel, rocking myself in comfort in the corner, telling myself the storm would end soon. 

✯~✯ ~ ✯

"Remember when we used to play hide and seek here in this auditorium?" Ayoung asked in a hushed whisper. 

We sat on the red velvet seats, similar to the ones you'd see in the cinemas, in the front row, overlooking the wide stage with students practicing their lines. We had a mini play for today's drama lesson, and it was a good thing neither of us were the ones going to perform on stage. 

I looked around the auditorium. Every look, every inch of the room, an echo of our lively laughter was heard in my head. Whispers made to ourselves and suppressed giggles were heard as well and I smiled at the old memory—but not too old. 

"Kkok kkok seumora morikarak boila~" I began softly singing for Ayoung to hear. Just as the kids sang it, I sang it too. I didn't sing for too long because that was when I realized I was singing one of Astro's songs—Hide and Seek. 

"Aw, why'd you stop?" Ayoung asked, tilting her head at me. 

I shook my head. "Didn't feel like singing. Plus, we have to concentrate or we'll get in trouble. It won't look good on our grades to enter Seoul University."

"Oh, right." Ayoung smiled at the thought of Seoul University. "Let's get into that college, Aerim. Hopefully, we'll get there together."

"Nae," I replied, but my mind was elsewhere. 

I thought I was getting better in forgetting them, but I was so wrong. It seemed like I've got really attached to them and now every little thing seemed to remind me of them. 

Get a hold of yourself, Yoon Aerim, I reminded myself, mentally slapping my cheek. 

I like you. 

I slapped myself again. Why on earth was I remembering things that were part of a dream? I should train myself to start treating them like they're stars I don't know off. I want to be able to nod slightly whenever someone mentions them and not break down and cry. Is that so hard to achieve?

"Aigeu, Yoon Aerim. What are you thinking about these days that makes you look like you're about to cry?" Ayoung asked me, facing me. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I mean, you look pretty sad—"

"If I talk about it, the more I'll feel sad. So it's best to push it away and pretend it was never there in the first place. Just let it go the same way I will, Ayoung," I told her with a small smile. 

Ayoung stared at me with hesitation. "Are you sure? Really, really sure? Sometimes people aren't sure but they say they are, so are you sure?"

I nodded with a smile filled with nothing but uncertainty. 

✯ ~ ✯ ~ ✯

Ayoung left early because of family matters so I was left to walk back home alone. I wondered what Ayoung has been dealing with these days while I'm not around, but whatever it was, it couldn't be as scary as what I've been dealing with. 

Astro. Yoon Sanha. Mr. Yook. Jeonghan's kidnap. Dad's past job. Rocky's confession. 

Okay, maybe that last one wasn't considered scary, as well as Astro and Sanha, but they're all connected. Almost. 

Everything were just small puzzle pieces that didn't help me to see the big picture at all. Nothing was helping me. 

I looked up from my white sneakers I decided to wear today and saw a familiar stash of red. He didn't seem to notice that I saw him and he looked like he was in a rush to head somewhere. 

Another crazy idea popped into my head and I was ashamed to know that I was going to follow my stupid plan. 

I followed after him. 

Just like before when I followed my dad, I took out a spare mask people used when they were sick and put it over my face. I didn't have my fake glasses with me today, sadly, but I did have a hair band so I tied my hair up really high. 

Anyone could mistake me as some other girl and not Yoon Aerim. 

He didn't look back to check if anyone was following him, like an idiot he was right now, and continued moving foreward. I moved at fast pace, reminding myself every time to keep my head low as I passed by a crowd, but made sure to be alerted on where he was. 

This was scary and dangerous, but I didn't possess my senses at this very moment. 

Farther and farther, we kept walking. Without a stop. Without a moment to properly catch our breaths. We kept moving. 

I stopped in my steps when I noticed the lack of people around the area I walked into. I saw a warehouse or factory located not too far away from here and continued to silently follow the man in the red scarf, careful not to get discovered by anyone nearby. 

As if there was anyone around here. But you can never be too careful. 

By the look of the warehouse, I could already sense there was something not right with it. 

The man entered the warehouse and I slipped into a darker area, the side of the warehouse, where there a window stupidly left open. I stayed there, crouched in position and peeked inside the area. I could overlook the whole warehouse from up here. I let out a gasp by accident and immediately slapped my mouth with my hand, stumbling a step back. 

I slowly recovered from my fall and looked inside the window to check if my eyes were not being lied to, and hoping no one heard my gasp. 

There, below, I saw a body sitting on the chair with arms tied together and legs tied to the legs of the chair.

That body? Well, it was none other than Yoon Jeonghan oppa. 

"Hyungnim, I'm back," the guy in the red scarf said, bowing to a man sitting in a fancy, leather black swivel chair. 

More trouble? 

The man in the swivel chair wore a suit that looked like it was worth a million dollars and stood up to face the guy with the red scarf. "Where have you been, Chaebong-a?"

The guy's name is Chaebong? What a funny name to hear. 

Chaebong lowered his head more and had his hands tucked respectfully behind his back as he replied like a private replying to their higher ranking sunbaes, "Hyungnim! I went to see Mr. Yoon but couldn't talk to him."

Dad? What did all of this have to do with Dad again? 

"He should really contact us before," the man with the million dollar looking suit approached Jeonghan and gripped onto his chin, making sure they made eye contact, "his son gets it."

"You jerk!" Jeonghan screamed at him.

My heart felt heavy. How long has Jeonghan been undergoing this kind of torture? I could see new scars and bruises. His face was filled with nothing but those. New and old. 

I wanted to scream at the jerks who made him like this but I didn't want to be risked of being captured and be next to oppa, the next target of their torture game. At the same time, I couldn't leave Jeonghan there, handling all of those hits and slaps alone!

But what could I do? I didn't have enough weapons and I didn't know how to fight. I was completely useless. 

"What about his daughter?" Mr. Boss—I'm just going to call him that—asked, his eyes moving from Jeonghan to Chaebong. 

"You mean Yoon Aerim? Well, recently, I found out she's on a show with Yoon Sanha—"

Chaebong didn't get to finish his sentence because Mr. Boss slapped him across the face, roaring, "Don't mention his name so carelessly like that!"

Jeonghan scoffed in his seat. "You're always like this. Going crazy when Sanha's name is mentioned."

Mr. Boss's fiery eyes that were fixed on Chaebong slowly moved from him to Jeonghan. "What did you say?"

Jeonghan, don't. Gosh, be smart for once and stop yourself from getting in trouble. 

"Didn't you hear me? I said: you're always like this when Sanha's name is mentioned," Jeonghan repeated. 

And he did it. 

Sometimes my brother could be an idiot. 

Mr. Boss slapped Jeonghan across the face and I did my best to hold myself back from running into the warehouse like an idiot without a plan or weapon. 

How dare he slap my brother like he's some kind of tender meat?!

"You." He pointed at Jeonghan with his index finger. "You shut up. Your voice does not have a right to talk as long as you're under me so shut up."

Jeonghan rolled his eyes at him. 

How long has he been suffering under that idiotic man? I just wanted to run in and kick him so hard in the balls he dies. Disadvantage of being me: I'm small and weak. 

"Stop this right now, Yook," a voice then said, which seemed to be coming from the front entrance of the warehouse. 

As their heads moved to see who that voice belonged to, I did the same thing. I let out a silent gasp when I saw Dad standing there, glaring at Mr. Boss— I mean, Mr. Yook. So that's what he looked like?

"Well, if isn't Mr. Yoon, eh? Jeonghan, your dad's here. Too bad, this isn't some nursery or daycare where we return children," Mr. Yook said with a disgusting smirk.

"Let him go, Yook. Why are you holding him hostage anyway?" Dad asked, stepping into the warehouse. 

"It's to reel you in, Yoon. See? It worked today. You're here. But where's your daughter? I bet she would have loved to know what you were before. Your son could finally find out today, but what about your daughter?"

Dad flinched, avoiding eye contact as he grimaced. "Don't remind me. That life is left long behind, Yook. You should do the same and go back to your own family."

"Why would I? I hate them and they hate me. It's as simple as ABC, Yoon. No need for complications." Mr. Yook smirked and took a step closer. "Although, I can see you're hiding your complications."

"They— They don't need to know something that has ended years ago," Dad replied to him. 

"Oh, Yoon. It's a shame our family had to turn our this way."

My eyebrows immediately furrowed. 

What? 

Jeonghan also seemed confused at this rate. "Appa? What's he talking about?"

It seemed like the two men were so immersed in their conversation they seemed to have forgotten the fact Jeonghan was sitting there, listening to them. 

Dad winced again and gruffly cleared his throat. "Jeonghan, it's nothing—"

Mr. Yook was chuckling, but it wasn't those usual type of chuckles to when something funny occurred. "Oh, hyung. You were always the smart one with confidence. Look what has happened in the future. You can't even tell your son who you were before."

"He— he doesn't need to know!" Dad yelled back. 

"Appa! Whatever it is, you can just tell me! You already said that it was in the past! Why are you so afraid of admitting it?" Jeonghan asked, frustrated. 

"I don't want you to be disappointed in me, Jeonghan," Dad softly said with his head down.

Jeonghan couldn't mutter a word after that. I bet he was also wondering what Dad could have been that he couldn't mutter out the words on his own. 

"No need to be so emotional about this, Yoon. Just tell your son already," Mr. Yook kept provoking. 

"N-no!"

"Fine, then I'm telling him."

"No! Yook!"

Dad couldn't even stop Mr. Yook because Chaebong and another guy held Dad back. 

I could only silently observe from the window. I closed my eyes for a quick second, afraid of what could happen next. 

"Yoon Jeonghan, you know what your dad has been hiding from you, your sister and your whole family? He was a mafia, like me. He used to kill people and get paid for it." Mr. Yook gave Dad a disgusted look. "That was until he stopped and lost contact with all of us. He turned nothing but boring."

"That was because you tried to kill Aerim and Sanha!" Dad screamed. 

~Author's Notes~

I wasn't sure how to end this, but okay. I'm trying my best to bring this story together and hoping it'd make sense, but it's kind of hard but I'll try my best :) And everything would hopefully be explained clearly in the next of future chapters ke~

Before I leave, I've been tagged by @meaniehyungs to do this tag :) (can't seem to tag her back, oh well)

Sorry, I get F's in selfie taking :) *in case you don't know, I'm the one on the right 

xoxo

Byun Sang Kyung